exvangelical

[exvangelical]

trying to work up the courage to tell my mother "your god is a tyrant who demands worship and obedience despite constantly putting us through the ringer with no explanation" but also she still pays for my insurance so. cant do that

#text #i already dont like easter as a holiday and now my grandmother is really sick and the current outlook is very bad

[exvangelical]

i cannot find an uberspecific reddit thread about what im dealing with so uh hi im nearing my mid-20s and don't want to date but also am very aware i will probably need to find somebody within the next couple years or otherwise i will lose my entire support system (and not be able to afford to live indoors) bc all my friends are in long-term, committed relationships (one of them is getting married later this year) and they have proven time and time again they'll prioritize OTHER FRIENDS over me, much less their significant others.

i would just try and find friends who are also perpetually single, but lbr, society hates single people (especially single women) and the social benefits just aren't there for the platonic friend group who want to buy a house together and basically form a commune. plus, again, i'm nobody's favorite person, so i don't even think i could form that kind of friend group.

on top of that, like i said, i don't really want to date to begin with? most men who like me back i feel next to no attraction to, and i'm so introverted that i'm really not interested in trying to force myself to like someone just so i don't wind up homeless when my roommates inevitably move on and build lives with their partners.

also, in my experience. men (bc my parents are raging homophobes and i dont feel like dealing with it) are so fucking clingy. leave me ALONE i dont want to text you or call you every fucking waking hour of the day. i need at least 3 business days to disappear before you get concerned. (if i did miraculously find somebody, we would definitely be a "separate bedrooms" couple, or at least i would have my own space where he's not allowed to enter without explicit permission.)

tldr i dont want to date but im basically fucked within the next 5 or so years otherwise, and i don't think i can build this idyllic, elusive "community" that everybody seems to prattle on about like "oh but platonic relationships are just as important!!!" which is NOT FUCKING REALITY FOR THE MAJORITY OF PEOPLE. "build your community, find your community" I TRIED. THEY ALL GOT BOYFRIENDS AND LEFT ME BEHIND.

#text #non religion #sorry im having a really shitty day. anyways guess who now has a zoloft prescription im terrified to take bc meds scare me

[exvangelical]

“biblically christian” aka homophobic transphobic conservative christian even though the only qualifier for christian to believe jesus is god’s son who died for your sins. like thats the only qualification in the bible.

#text

[exvangelical]

talking to your own mother shouldn’t make you pins and needles anxious

#i love my parents. im also terrified of them #makes sense considered i was raised with love = fear #text

[exvangelical]

also just some housekeeping i hate transphobes either stop being transphobic or die in a fire. thanks, mgmt

#text

[exvangelical]

i miss the mcr blog that was just mcrredacted but sfw how else am i supposed to explain that every time i have a religious trauma fit i have to imagine gerard talking me down from it

#text #hi its been how long since i posted on here. anyways i moved out but now every time i talk to my mom i get So Scared #85% of the time she doesnt even say anything to me abt chuch/religion!!! but im still So Scared bc im still on their insurance

[exvangelical]

watching online church services to appease my mom and holy shit the methodists are so much more normal than baptists

#text #like not perfect obviously but like. pastor actually talking about kindness and practical ways to live??? #instead of just guilt tripping people for being humans and drooling over doomsday????? refreshing

[exvangelical]

conservative christians are like "THE ANTICHRIST WILL DESTROY ANYTHING THAT DOESNT ALIGN WITH HIS TEACHINGS" then do everything in their power to destroy anything that doesnt align with their teachings

#fundie fridays hell house video unlocked memories #i never went to one but my dad was loosely involved with a judgement house when i was like 10-11 #ironically enough he didn't let me go bc it was too intense lmao #text #doomsday for ts #kinda

[exvangelical]

i love it when i text my mom i never know if its going to be a pleasant convo or if im going to have my religious trauma triggered so badly that im 13 years old dealing with severe depression for the first time and my mom is asking if i “still believe on jesus” again

#text #not even anything bad. just being weird about ppl from church #idk i had a little rum and coke (one shot) and im just very tired

[exvangelical]

rb this and tell me why tumblr would deem you bad lgbt rep

#mean and bitchy so they just wouldn't like me and would deem me bad rep just for that #i also tend to prefer men despite definitely being attracted to women #like i'm sorry but i have homophobic parents. i really cannot pursue women sorry #non religion #wlw posts #oh i also refuse to really pick a label. i like queer. deal with it

[exvangelical]

never got the whole "christ who strengthens me" thing. god mostly seems to send bullshit your way because he's a petty bitch who demands worship when he does fuckall to even prove he exists, much less help anybody out. in fact most conversation about him, both in church and out of church, was always about him trying and testing everyone in my life's faith. seems like a needy weirdo who sabotages the people he claims to love just to feel powerful and to put them in a bad place so they'll lean on him. even though he's causing the problem in the first place.

#text #move is going bad btw #ex christian

[exvangelical]

i’ll be totally honest, sometimes my anxiety gets the best of me and i’ll think about reconverting just for fire insurance, even though i think the xtian god is a tyrant. then i remember that even THAT conversion would be false to the average xtian and how evil the whole concept of an alleged “all loving” god that allows a hell to exist and be “chosen” (it’s not a choice; it’s extortion bc the only way out is to beg for safety from the deity that allows the punishment to exist in the first place) is in the first place.

#i love how i got trauma just from being born to certain parents. tell me how thats fair or just. #text #religious trauma #hell for ts

[exvangelical]

so i do online tutoring for some extra income and occasionally i'll get personal essays or papers from devout christians and sometimes they're infuriating (like the lady who sent in a paper just asserting women can't be leaders because "god said so." in the most professional way possible i said that was not an argument and she needed to cite more than personal experience and personal beliefs for an essay) but the one i just read from this poor 17 year old who thought she was evil and sinful for struggling with an eating disorder at 13.... heartbreaking. the concept of sin being normal human struggles kills me and it's awful that she felt that way.

#she seemed to be doing better now although she did mention people thinking she was 'stuck up' for not tolerating certain things... #girl if that means homophobia i'll beat your ass #but anyways she also implied she dealt with suicidal ideation around 13/14 which ouch me too #we just went in total opposite directions as a reaction ironically enough #text #religious trauma

[exvangelical]

“america is so blessed but we have the highest suicide rates of any developed country” maybe conservative christianity’s influence on america’s politics and funding into proper affordable mental healthcare has something to do with that. but nooooo its deffo bc we’re all heatherns who abandoned god or whatever

#text #religious trauma #it’s DEFINITELY not the amt of blame evangelicals place on the individual re: mental health issues #or the fact that even non christians have such a weird calvinistic mindset where suffering is deserved

[exvangelical]

also i was at my most suicidal when i was a christian bc i wasn’t concerned abt the afterlife. so being saved doesn’t cure that

#text

[exvangelical]

“[the nuke we dropped on japan] will be NOTHING compared to what happens to those who reject jesus!” AND YOU’RE OKAY WITH THAT???? YOU’RE OKAY WITH ETERNAL TORMENT WORSE THAN NUCLEAR FALLOUT??????

#the xtian god is capricious at best and evil at worst #text #religious trauma #hell for ts

[exvangelical]

#i wish i could say i was surprised #religious trauma