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evneirophrenia · 4 months

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✩ My skin is peeling

6/11/23 (incomplete)

Bodies get softer when they’re in receipt of love. Faces glow with overjoyment. No hollow eyes, just the dewy skin of adoration.

When I lay my weight on my friend, she complains of my hip bones. How they dig like walking barefoot on gravel. But she tells me to stay put, she knows the years haven’t been kind. The hairdresser tells me I look 25. I've not laid a finger on my 20s. He claims it’s because I’m mature. He says it’s a good thing but I can’t help but think I missed out on my youth.

When he said he loved me I had to hold back a laugh. He had me in chains tethered to his bed for over a year. A 3 hour bus ride, a pale bloodstain on his loose sheets, another victim of theft. I was his dream girl. He wouldn’t ever find someone better suited (to fuck). He found someone else soon after.

The aching for him, whoever he was at the time, has worn all the love from my mother down to a poking skeleton. I want four children. I don’t think my body is strong enough to bear even one. It doesn’t matter, he never dreamed of having children with me. He liked grasping the flesh on my chest. He liked the places I kissed. He liked how warm (tight) I felt inside. I tell him there’s a spare toothbrush by the sink as he puts his rings back on and ties his laces. I sit on the stairs as the doors slam and it reminds me of how my dog watches the door longing for his family to come home. Then I cry about my dog.

I learned to do things the right way. That’s what I told the nice guy with kind eyes and long hair. An exception to the current pandemic of hit and runs. He probably would’ve given me the world but I knew it wouldn’t work since he was too adventurous and had plans to move to France in the near future. At least that’s what I told myself was the reason I never texted him back (someone else still had their claws in my heart).

My lashes weren’t as long as they were a year ago. My best friend from home says tears help them grow. I trust her with everything. The internet says the opposite. My lashes tell me the internet is right. I think she hoped it would make me feel better. It didn’t work. Nothing works anymore.

As I approach the end of my teens I learn my older sister was right. But no one ever wants to follow advice they know is fact. To truly understand you have to experience it yourself. Therein starts the endless cycle. They warn you but you don’t want to listen. I wish I had listened. She says we’re more similar than we realise. That’s why I make the same mistakes she did at my age. She gives me the advice she wished she had been told. I pick and choose what I tell her. If she saw the whole picture her heart would break. She told me to leave him and i told her I would. I did (after I laid in his loose sheets half the person I once was). I may be mature for my age but my god I was still a child.

She never stops screaming. She hasn’t to this day. For all the times, all the people that have wronged her. But she’ll never stop handing out her heart to every soul she sees a shred of light in. and I can’t stop her. I never will.

#i love you #i love him #i miss you #excerpt from a book i'll never write #i miss him #in love #him #kisses #writers on tumblr #boyfriend #spilled ink #hesrtbreak #heartbrokcnn #heartbroken #sad #sad poetry #sleep deprived writing #writeblr #female writers

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evneirophrenia · 8 months

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#writers on tumblr #spilled writing #sad poetry #young poets #poetry #i love you #i love him #i miss you #excerpt from a book i'll never write #i miss him #in love #him #spilled ink #spilled poetry #poets on tumblr #writer #writeblr

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evneirophrenia · 8 months

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#sad poetry #young poets #poetry #i love you #poets on tumblr #spilled poetry #i love him #i miss you #excerpt from a book i'll never write #i miss him #him #kisses #writers on tumblr #why am i like this #spilled ink #addicted

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evneirophrenia · 1 year

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what’s fake and what’s real?

bathroom tiles and stainless steel

a child born to dream

was never one to keep

a child without a gleam

is now laid to sleep

forgive them for what they didn’t know

for the torment told them so

in the wake sing your prayers

and know they’re at peace from all despairs

#poetry #poem #poets on tumblr #sad poetry #poetic #original poem #suixide #tw sucidal thoughts #depressing post #depression #Writers and Poets

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evneirophrenia · 1 year

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i don’t want to talk about you in past tense

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evneirophrenia · 1 year

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nothing ever stays perfect but i really hoped you would

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evneirophrenia · 2 years

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i waited so long for you say you love me - I wish I still loved you

you broke my heart and now I have to break yours

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evneirophrenia · 2 years

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im not leaving unless you leave me

#writers on tumblr #quotes #love quotes #love #i love him #i love you #i miss u #i miss you #hearbreak #heartbroken #heartbrokcnn #poetry #writers and poets #i love them #sad thoughts #depressing quotes #deppresing thoughts #i feel miserable #breakup

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evneirophrenia · 2 years

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you pulled away from my lips to look at my eyes

i’d never felt that kind of love

and I still haven’t

that was just one of ur tactics to make me feel special, you never meant to convey any love, just the lust u had for my body and the purpose it served you for that singular moment

#excerpt from a book i'll never write #sad poem #love quotes #i love you #i love him #i miss you #i miss him #i miss her #heartbreak #heartbroken #sad thoughts #writers on tumblr #love quote #im crying #you broke my heart #breakup

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evneirophrenia · 2 years

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at least give me a chance to love you

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evneirophrenia · 2 years

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diary entry - I saw my ex

i never thought I’d see you again. you live an hour away, so it’s unlikely our paths would cross.

we both had tickets to see a band - the night cafe, at the globe. amongst a large crowd I wasn’t sure if I’d spot you but if I knew you, and I did, you would never go anywhere without a drink. there you were at the bar, it was dark but I could tell it was you by the black jacket, white top, black jeans - your standard attire. of course, complete with a beer in your hand.

it was your turn to spot me and when you did, you pushed past the crowd to get to where I was stood. you pulled me in for a hug and I melted from your touch. it had been three, no, four months since you fucked me and dropped me and the only words you could muster were “well this is awkward”. our seven month tangle left me weak yet i still smiled because my love for you never left.

you found me again after the gig. it was cold, you offered me your coat, the gentleman on occasion. I said no - i wasn’t your girl anymore. I found the courage to spit out “how’s the girlfriend?”. that caught your attention. the answer to my question I would never know because even though I was smarter than you’d ever realise, you decided one more white lie couldn’t hurt. “I don’t have a girlfriend”. its been weeks and I still don’t know why you lied. we weren’t together anymore, we ended on good terms, did you mean it to spare my feelings?

“nice to see you, get home safe.”

the gentleman on occasion.

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evneirophrenia · 2 years

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you looked right in my eyes and lied

and you knew I didn’t believe a word you said

#writing #writers on tumblr #love quote #quotes #sad thoughts #sad quotes #heartbreak #breakup #depressiv #writblr #i miss you #i miss him #i miss her #ex

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evneirophrenia · 3 years

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I finally had sex with you and now you’re drifting away again

#breakup #heartbreak #i love him #i love you #sad poetry #sadnees #sad qutoes #sad qoutes #depressing quotes #deppresion #im crying #love quotes #sucidal #sad quotes #sick and tired #heartbrokcnn #you broke my heart #you broke my fucking heart #you broke my soul

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evneirophrenia · 3 years

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I would give you endless opportunities to hurt me

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evneirophrenia · 3 years

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“...but a girl like you should have never ended up talking to somebody as fucked up as me, you deserve a lot more than what I could ever could give you.”

— the words that broke me

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evneirophrenia · 3 years

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distance doesn’t mean a thing when I can still see you in my sleep

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evneirophrenia · 3 years

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you called

I missed it

I called back

you didn’t answer

I’ll never know what you wanted

call me when you’re ready. I’ll be here.

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