elenajohansenauthor

[elenajohansenauthor]

I'm turning 30 this month, and for some reason have become suddenly interested in material possessions. like what if,,,,,,,,my couch was nice. what if my sheets were nice. is this what happens to you??

#quality life advice

[elenajohansenauthor]

being a person is so weird bc i’ll be like “i wish my brain was kinder to me esp when i’m already having a hard time,” and then i remember that i’m my brain and i have to be kinder to me and that nobody else will do it for me

#truth

[elenajohansenauthor]

#this is funny to me because both are true #my husband once called me #our lady of the perpetually fluctuating temperature #and we're not even catholic

[elenajohansenauthor]

I am the entertainer I come to do my show You heard my latest record It's been on the radio Ah, it took me years to write it They were the best years of my life It was a beautiful song but it ran too long If you're gonna have a hit you gotta make it fit So they cut it down to 3:05

Billy Joel, "The Entertainer," 1974

(just in case anyone thought this is a new debate)

Stop! Releasing 2 minute songs!! Idc about TikTok!!! If it's a banger it needs to be at least 3:30.

#music #so rarely do i get to quote fifty year old song lyrics to make my point #so here we are

[elenajohansenauthor]

it fucking sucks how you can do all the therapy and self healing in the world and you still have to wake up living under a capitalist death cult that's killed community and crushes your soul

[elenajohansenauthor]

baby snoopy this, baby clifford that, baby gromit blah blah blah. what about baby kermit???????

#i will always reblog the muppets #i love how baby kermit and robin are so distinct from each other even though they're both tiny frogs with basically identical structure #but i guess the subtle differences are enough #i'm chatty in tags when i've been drinking

[elenajohansenauthor]

My favourite kind of fics to read and to write

#mood

[elenajohansenauthor]

It annoys me unreasonably when you want to ask people "what bird and what mammal would make the worst gryphon" as a fun thought exercise, and people with no joy and no imagination always interpret it as "a gryphon that sucks, is physically impossible, and would hate being alive", and - being predictable and lacking in imagination - always, always answer with "a hummingbird and a blue whale lol".

Like come on. Why do you have to suck the fun out of everything. Why not use a fraction of imagination and delightful whimsy. Imagine the combination of a mouse and a sparrow. That creature would be merciless, burtal, absolutely determined to get into your trash and has the power of both wings and hands to do its will. Or a crow and a cat - that thing is smart enough to fuck with people and not afraid to do it. Imagine the ungodly shriek of the noble fox-seagull, also determined to get into your trash.

A gryphon that is a combination of a kangaroo and a cassowary. The only proof we have of a loving god is the fact that those things do not exist. If hell is real, it's full of them. That thing can't fly, but it will run you down, it will kill you, and you will look stupid the whole entire time you're dying.

Why would the first thing that pops into your mind at the words "the worst gryphon" automatically be "a gryphon that hates being alive". Can you not picture a gryphon that fucking loves being alive, and has both the power and the will to make it everyone else's problem.

[elenajohansenauthor]

I'm just going to leave this here, because this woman said what I've been trying to articulate for ages much more effectively and succinctly than I've been able to

#us politics #we do not get to cherry pick our issues #we do not get to have ideologically perfect candidates #the system is flawed and it would be wonderful to fix it so that it's not just picking the lesser of two evils #but that would never happen under the gop because they actively benefit from all forms of voter suppression #so even if that's your issue #that the system is fundamentally broken #you still need to vote blue in order to ever have a chance at potentially fixing it

[elenajohansenauthor]

#i will always reblog the golden girls #seriously how did this show get made #so ahead of its time #except it would never get made now

[elenajohansenauthor]

[elenajohansenauthor]

I got the wonderful opportunity to see Labyrinth on the big screen last week (thank you Fathom Events) and I think this time around really helped me nail down one of the things that makes this movie so special to me: the ending message.

A story with a somewhat childish sixteen-year-old girl who immerses herself in magic and fantasy worlds who goes through a journey and a transformation and comes out the other side more mature could very easily have ended with the message of "Now that the adventure in the fantasy world is over, our heroine has grown and matured enough to leave magic and fantasy behind and become an Adult."

But Labyrinth doesn't do that.

Labyrinth says: "You might grow up a little. You might put away your costumes and your music box and your crown. You might give your teddy bear to your little brother. But that doesn't mean you have to leave it all behind. Every so often in your life, for no reason at all, you might need a little magic back in your life. And your friends in the fantasy world will always be there for you."

"Should you need them."

[elenajohansenauthor]

Zoozve, my beloved

[elenajohansenauthor]

I like the expression new-fangled. I don't know what it means for something to be fangled, but I sure as hell know it was recent

#voacabulary

[elenajohansenauthor]

You know what fantasy stories don't use enough? Different measuring scales, and confusion caused by them. Because before the metric system, practically every place and culture had their own measures for weights, lengths and distances. It would be fun to add that into a story for added realistic cultural confusion.

The average dwarf is four or five feet tall, but not in human measures. Yeah they're still shorter than humans but the dwarf foot (and the namesake measure of length) is bigger in proportion to their body. "Is that in dwarf feet or human feet?" is a common question to hear on construction sites, wherever human carpenters and dwarf masons are working together.

A dedicated local Common Misconception Historian has a pet peeve about the whole "princess Featherblade was only 12 years old when she led the attack on Marshland Halls" -myth, because the historical recordings on the human side are off. While she was remarkably young, that myth came about back in the day when humans were still trying to apply "dog years" to elves, and in an elven life span, 120 years is not a direct equivalent to a 12-year-old human.

A whole culture whose smallest unit of weight loosely translates to "about as much as an apple", and varies from region to region depending on the size of local apples. These people are famed for their alchemists, whose uncanny ability to simply measure their ingredients by heart, making their recipes essentially impossible to replicate. This famed skill is a matter of survivor bias - the ones that don't have that knack ten to explode into fine mist.

[elenajohansenauthor]

I swear I get sad if I wake up and one is on the floor

[elenajohansenauthor]

no consuming this media isnt enough i need to go on a walk and think about it to music

#mood