I know I need to stay away from you. I know if I stayed any longer, I might lose my sanity at your fingertips and name you, my religion.
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If I looked you in the eye for more than a minute, I might choke my mother tongue until she comes up with a language to confess my love for you.
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Have you ever looked at someone and know you can't have them and there's an ache in your heart, taking roots in your stomach, grumbling like a child. You carry it with you, wherever you go like a reminder, a reminder of all the things you could have been.
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When do I learn to love someone without making it all about them?
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For a minute, I imagined my life with you and for a brief period, I was happy.
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When you think about the person you love, it's not the grandest thing that comes to your mind, it's always the little things like the way they tilt their head back when they laugh, the way they tap their foot when they are thinking, the way they smell, and the gentle smile on their face. And I think that's beautiful.
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If I am to be born again, I would like to be the thing she holds dearly. It could be a pen she chews on when she's anxious, or the strand of hair sticking to her face, that's all I ever wanted out of love. To love her, even if it's from a distance.
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Grief, as I found, is a frequent visitor in my life, who comes in small packages often. And often as I open them, I find myself alone, perhaps that's the biggest grief of all.
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My favorite thing about her is that there's absolutely nothing. She could sit quietly in a crowded room and I would still find her beautiful. She could be just breathing and I would die to be the air she inhales.
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She wasn't a thunderstorm. She's the subtle fresh smell of earth after heavy rain. Every time I see her, I believe in God a little bit more.
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Do you ever think about what you would have been if you didn't do the things you did? I think about it all the time and I dont know much about other things, but I do know that I would have missed you, just as much as I miss now.
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I broke too hard for someone who didn't even love me in the first place.
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You are the missing part of me that I'll never find.
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Do you know there are about six thousand and five hundred languages in the world? Maybe, in one of them, I call you by my name and you look back.
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I am left with an ache only your name could ease.
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I don't remember what it feels like to be in love anymore.
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Some days I don't feel alive and I just wait for the day to end, hoping that tomorrow would be a better day, but it won't. I'm slowly learning that it's okay to not feel anything. It's okay on days if all I do is breathe. I'm learning that the gap between my fingers is to let certain people go. The fingerprint embedded in my palm is the name of all the people I have ever loved.
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