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Hey.
So, itā€™s been a while. I have a lot less energy than I used to and Iā€™ve found that being online is extremely bad for my already struggling brain. Iā€™ve really struggled to keep up any connections I used to have, even though I wanted to and I felt extremely guilty for struggling so much with just talking to people. I feel like Iā€™ve become a completely different person in the past few years. I guess I kind of outgrew Tumblr and I felt like I was a fraud when I couldnā€™t reach the same levels of energy and enthusiasm to behave like I used to and I felt like I didnā€™t belong here any more and that I was a disappointment, but I still think about all of my friends on here a lot and Iā€™m really sorry I faded out without any explanation, it was never a deliberate choice, time just did time things and all of a sudden itā€™s been years and I felt too guilty and ashamed to come back, like I was being kept prisoner by my own skull raisin. I still think about you all and I hope youā€™re living the wonderful happy lives you all deserve and that the world is being so, so kind and gentle to you. I hope you find new happiness and love every single day. I still love all of you with my whole heart and soul and Iā€™m really, genuinely sorry for leaving like I did, I hope none of you were worried and I hope you didnā€™t miss me.
A life update is that Iā€™m doing okay, even good. My partner Josh and I are still going strong, weā€™re planning on getting married in the next few years, and Iā€™ve been flying over to see them regularly (Iā€™ll never stop being grateful that I have this opportunity.) Their apartment is yellow and we adopted a very big plush Bulbasaur son together and we cuddle until we fall asleep every night and their smile and their mind make me reach a level of happiness I genuinely did not think I was capable of and they have helped me find who I really am. Loving them is the easiest and sweetest thing Iā€™ve ever done. Iā€™m planning on moving overseas to be with them after weā€™re married (paperwork + residency reasons.) Their friends have welcomed me incredibly kindly into their group and their city is a world I want to live in and I feel like I finally know where I belong. I have finally, finally found my home.
Other updates. My pets are getting older and we lost Maudie, I still miss her and Iā€™m scared for the others but I canā€™t do anything but love them. With my partnerā€™s help I realized that Iā€™m most likely autistic and Iā€™m hoping to get officially diagnosed once Iā€™ve moved, but not before, because a diagnosis could get my residency denied. I have a steady job with very nice coworkers/friends and in general Iā€™m a lot less scared of life and Iā€™m actually excited for the future, even though I still have very hard days, weeks, months. I have a lot more confidence and love in myself. I own a shirt with rubber duckies on it and I adore it with my whole heart. I have two tattoos named Frank and Louisa and Iā€™m hoping to get more soon. I make very good soup. Iā€™ve learnt to draw, I still have a long way to go but it makes me happy and itā€™s therapeutic and also how does lighting and shading work oh my gOD-
If anyone wants to reach me at any time, for any reason, my Discord is awshucksalright#7140. Itā€™s one of the few sites that I donā€™t have a mental block with so Iā€™m usually active on there, but I am a different person now so I understand if you donā€™t have a drive to, thereā€™s no expectation. I just wanted to make a post to give closure if it was needed because just dipping like I did was super shitty and I wish I could take it back but at this point it feels too late and I donā€™t know if I have the energy to come back again any way. I have been lurking like a weirdo on your blogs to make sure youā€™re okay, I shouldā€™ve just reached out, I donā€™t know why I didnā€™t other than my brain not letting me, it felt like a wall and it still does. It was nothing any of you did, itā€™s just my own brain being a dick and I hate it and I wish I could change it. I donā€™t want any of you to think that you werenā€™t/arenā€™t important to me because you always have been and always will be. Your kindness and friendship has meant the world to me.
I donā€™t want to say goodbye so Iā€™m not going to, I donā€™t want to close that door because I love so many of the people through it. I just hope youā€™re all okay and that life is treating you with all the amazing-ness that you all deserve. I hope you all feel warmly and gently hugged.
I love you. šŸ’–šŸ’–šŸ’–šŸ°šŸ°šŸ°šŸ’•šŸ’•šŸ’•
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I started thinking about that one post about how from dogs POV humans are beings that live like 500+ years (because I was petting my dog and I was looking at her like ā€œthirty thousand years of cooperation have led to this. our species have spent 30k years building up to the point where you, child of wolf, descendant of noble hunters and wild things, Ā would come all the way out of the office and come sit with me in the hopes of letting a souped up monkey rub its paws on youā€)
and then I thought about what it must have been like for the first humans to let a fucking wolf, maybe only a few generations from the wild, behold their infant child. Like man can u believe that? Maybe this alliance is only a few years old and sure youā€™ve seen the wolfā€™s kids but now youā€™ve got one of your own. And even though youā€™ve seen this wolf tear out the throats of creatures that could kill you, this wolf is your family. This wolf is your friend, you love them and they love you and you gotta show ā€˜em the new kid, look, friend, I had a child. I know you are wild and dangerous, but look at this, my most precious thing, sniff him, give him a lil lick, his children and your children will be bound together for thirty thousand fucking years because I love you
Thereā€™s a set of Ā preserved footprints from 30k years ago that is a young child and a wolf standing side by side can you fucking imagine? Maybe the kidā€™s mom was like ā€œhey go get some water from the stream, but take the wolf with you. I trust him, he will protect you.ā€
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his dad needs to release it šŸ¤Æ
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If you loved
Our Blessed Rebel Queen: Carrie Fisher
youā€™ll be excited to see her newest companion:
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Our Lady of Grateful Camaraderie: Betty White
Check out these two and more at artist Lindsay van Ekelenburgā€™s site and shopify.
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we all know who is it
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THIS QUEEN WINS THE AHSOKA COSPLAY CATEGORY FOR LIFE!!! SHE IS A GODDESS!!!!!!!
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my friend told me it was fat bear week!!!
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I am so FFRRAEAANAJNSISFFSFFFing excited for Legends: Arceus yā€™all beans I am V I B R A T I N G šŸ‘šŸ‘šŸ‘šŸ™ŒšŸ™ŒšŸ™Œ
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popopopopopopopopopop
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the sentiments "completely sterilized fiction absent of any of the bad or evil things that happen in real life is neither inherently good storytelling nor morally superior" and "holy fuck you shouldn't be producing child porn" are not mutually exclusive and there is, in fact, nuance in the world
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ITā€™S ALWAYS TEA TIME!
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Good evening bisexuals
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"The soul, secured in her existence, smiles at the drawn dagger, and defies its point." Iridessence Photography x Gold Frame Photo.
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itā€™s my dogs but teeny!
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