decayingdahlia

[decayingdahlia]

i wanna give a quick s/o to people with memory issues who are treated as untrustworthy or liars because we mix up details or struggle to recall them, especially while under pressure.

[decayingdahlia]

i can fix him *traumatizes him*

#q

[decayingdahlia]

*loses my mind in the most silent way ever*

#q

[decayingdahlia]

do you ever just think about how damaged you are? like wow i really am fucked in the head

[decayingdahlia]

i’ve probably posted this picture before but. lol. hey tumblr long time no post, i wish i was d3ad 😁

#traumacore #actuallyptsd #actuallytraumatized #ventcore

[decayingdahlia]

vent //

i be like “i have no purpose in life and i don’t want to be here anymore”. and they’re like “nooo haha you have purpose. maybe you just don’t know what it is yet. maybe your purpose is to be the light in other peoples lives (:”

and like. i get that that’s genuinely a good thing. but like. i’m just supposed to be this shining beacon of light for everyone else ? what about me. what about me ??? maybe i’m being selfish or whatever. but i feel like i don’t have a purpose or a reason to be here besides living for other people. what about me ? because i’m not a beacon of light or hope or whatever the fuck for me. i’m not anything for me. how am i supposed to live for myself ? why am i expected to keep living and keep suffering all for other people ? it doesn’t make any sense to me. what am i supposed to do ? i’ve been alive for almost 21 years now. it isn’t getting any better. it hasn’t gotten better. i have better people in my life n things like that. but for me, personally, and my mental health n shit it hasn’t gotten better. it hasn’t gotten any better. in fact, i’m almost positive it’s gotten worse. so what about me ? what am i supposed to do now ? where do i go from here.

#traumacore #actuallyptsd #actuallytraumatized #ventcore

[decayingdahlia]

i want to scream and cry and throw up. i want to have a temper tantrum. i am so full of emotion, i can’t do this anymore. i scream at the top of my lungs and hear silence. i wipe my sleeve across my dry, tear free face. why won’t it come out?

[decayingdahlia]

[decayingdahlia]

[decayingdahlia]

nobody listens to me when i talk. i had a rly bad dream abt my fiancé relapsing on coke and i just feel so sick. but idk how to talk abt it to anyone, specially him. so i’m just gonna go sit on my silly little back porch and smoke my silly little cigarette and try not to cry.

#ventcore #vent #vent post #tw vent #tw addiction

[decayingdahlia]

when it takes everything out of you everyday just to get out of bed and not kill yourself. but u also start a new job on wednesday so ur gonna have to find even more energy to do that.

life is impossible. everyday it just feels increasingly harder. i don’t have much left in me. i feel like i keep fighting this battle i can’t win. my fear of dying is starting to be overtaken by the fact that i don’t think i can’t do this anymore. i’m weak. and i’m tired. i’m exhausted.

#ventcore #tw vent #vent post #vent #tw sui mention

[decayingdahlia]

ptsd problems:

-“make the memories stop”

-“I’m safe. I’m safe. I’m safe. It’s not happening anymore. I’m safe.”

-sobbing

-*internal screaming*

-“I can hear everything. Everything is too loud.”

-“it feels like I’m dreaming. Am I dreaming?”

-ANGER

-nightmares

-flashbacks

-“I don’t want anything to do with anyone right now”

-“it’s all too much”

-“maybe I’m making it all up and it wasn’t actually that bad”

-loneliness/emptiness

-feeling unsafe despite logically knowing you’re safe

-wanting help but not knowing how anyone can help

-“can my meds like do their fucking job????”

-wanting anything that numbs the pain

[decayingdahlia]

[decayingdahlia]

[decayingdahlia]

only rb if survivor // ns.fw dni // do not repost

[decayingdahlia]

aún me querrías

si supieses

que tan podrido estoy por dentro?

[decayingdahlia]

Rachel Forrest // Unknown // S. C. Lourie