danglinginspace

[danglinginspace]

11/17/18, Honestly Lonely

You know it’s bad when you feel like you can’t even talk to your BEST FRIEND about a sad experience. It’s literally like no one cares about me anymore. Really, what have I done? LITERALL NOTHING. “Friends” whom I thought were friends had a Friendsgiving yesterday night, and even though I was busy, they didn’t even invite me. Oh but the funny thing is that they invited my sister! That’s great.

Today a friend forgot about our dinner hangout, even though they initiated it. I honestly don’t blame them so much since they’re pretty forgetful, but it also means that I’m of so little importance that they forgot.

Oh and I really wanted to tell someone about my misfortune, but I feel so distant from my best friends that I CANT tell them.

I’ve tried too many times, to try and become friends with people, only for the other party to “lose interest” and stop talking to me. If they don’t make the effort then I’m not going to. That’s obviously the wrong thought process but I’ve been indirectly (and directly) hurt too many times.

I just want to disappear. No one would even notice.

[danglinginspace]

7/9/18, WWJRD?

You know, I’m a devout catholic and I’m not really trying to show off how “catholic” I am, but HOW THE ACTUAL FUCK am I supposed to love someone who I’ve lived with for 22 years, and every single day of those 22 years, they’ve been the biggest, most selfish, self centered asshole you know?

Like you’re SO FUCKING fake! Out in the real world you’re like (falsetto) “oh I’m so timid hehe yeah guys! I’m down to hang out! Wow I really love my friends” and thenat home you’re like (manly man) “wooooowwww this person is soooo fucking annoying why am I even friends with her? Oh I’m only talking to them because I like the attention.” Like what the actual fuck. Do you need to learn how to be a human? Like, and ACTUAL. GENUINE. NICE. LOVING. REAL. Human being??

Jesus, I know you died for our sins and for love and everything, but you really expect me to love a shit faced pig like her? I really don’t know where to draw the line.

[danglinginspace]

6/3/18, Terrible person?

Am I just a terrible person or something? Did I do something that I was unaware of? What caused our best friendship to be like this? I don’t remember doing anything to get treated like this. Do the words “best friends” mean anything to you? Does nothing even matter to you? Was everything just in my head?

How can I know how you’re feeling if you keep it to yourself. Do you fucking expect me to somehow know whatever shit is going on?

We see each other like once a month and in the entire 3 years of knowing you, you haven’t even tried to make an effort to keep this friendship alive, yet I’m still getting the short end of the stick.

I’m about ready to cut another friend out of my life and be back at square 1. All I need is myself amirite?

#so done #fuck everything

[danglinginspace]

6/1/18, Who now?

People whom I thought were close friends, we were all best friends from 7th-12th grade, and I’m just an afterthought to them. I don’t need a pity invite, especially when no one will even acknowledge that you’ve been added to the chat. I haven’t seen them in like a year, and this is the treatment I get.

#what did i do #lonely

[danglinginspace]

5/30/18, I’m backkk

Bringing this blog back because I feel I can truly be open since it’s all anon.

Sometimes, being alone can get too lonely. And that’s where the dark thoughts come in. It’s especially bad when no one around you even cares.

#its a me thing

[danglinginspace]

12/5/16, Money...

It’s always about money. Parents always nagging about how we waste money, even though I always look for the cheapest option on the menu, I NEVER buy things when my parents take me shopping, and then my parents are like “hey, let’s go skiing and spend like $2927492010 on the trip!”

They won't even let me work.

And it’s somehow my fault?

#it's always me

[danglinginspace]

12/5/16, Please...

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

#itried

[danglinginspace]

11/26/16, Better Tomorrow's...

It's been a while now, and I honestly say that emotionally, I'm better :) most of the dark thought have left me now and this past thanksgiving really reminded me of how thankful I am to everyone in my life! Of course the pain is still there, and they resurface at times, but it's more bearable now. I... think I'm going to take some time to refund myself before I put myself out there again haha

#it's gonna be ok

[danglinginspace]

11/17/16, What's the Point..?

Why even have a smart phone or social media if I don’t even connect with anyone? Today was one of many days when I desperately tried to keep conversations up and going, but to no avail. No one texts/messages me, no one tried to make it a thing to talk/connect with me. Maybe I should just delete all my accounts and disappear from the online world…

#I just want friends to call my own #what's it like being surrounded by loved ones

[danglinginspace]

11/16/16, First...

I messaged first, and we talked, but it's hard to believe that everything will be ok and we'll just go back to being friends... I hope we can though, she's too important to me.

#friends for now

[danglinginspace]

11/15/16, Anxious...

I don’t really know why, but I feel on edge, like something might happen soon… I hope that “something” is a good thing, because I could use some positivity in my life right now haha

#relatable

[danglinginspace]

11/15/16, Time...

It's been about a week, and frankly, idk how I feel... I want to say that I've come to terms with it, but I don't know how to start being friends again?

#struggle

[danglinginspace]

11/14/16, Just Memories...

Recently, I've been dreaming about the good memories I've made with everyone in the past couple years or so... Were they real? Or were they all fake?

#inception #I'd like to wake up now

[danglinginspace]

11/12/16, I'm... ok?

Today was the first day in a long time that I felt that everything would ok. Visiting my grandparents’ graves with my entire family really helped clear my mind and how not to take death seriously. Idk how I will feel in the future, but hopefully I’ll use today as a stepping stone for a better tomorrow.

#growing up

[danglinginspace]

11/11/16, Lies..

I hear my family all gathered around the tv, watching and laughing. They asked me why I was in my room on the floor in the dark, so I said that "I was trying to take a nap and the floor was comfortable." Sorry, you guys don't even try to know me so why should I tell you what's really going on with me?

#alone

[danglinginspace]

11/11/16, The Ultimate Question..

Why was I given the life I'm living now? Did I do something to offend someone? Is my best not good enough? Or is my best just not wanted? I just want to know why.

#why #slowly falling

[danglinginspace]

11/11/16, Just Kidding..

Yesterday, everything felt like it was going to be ok, today nope. Complete 180... I kind of want to disappear right now..

#why me