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Top Ten Reasons Hamas Wants to Leave Qatar
Lately Ismail Haniyeh and Khaled Mashal have been threatening to leave their comfy lair in Qatar, which is a respected actor on the world stage that is definitely NOT a giant gas station/television studio providing aid and comfort to a bunch of psychotic murderers from the 7th century. So yeah… apparently the big machers at Hamas have ants in their pants and their boots are made for walking and….…
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#Columbia University#Dearborn#Gharqad Tree#Hamas#Ismail Haniyeh#Jeremy Corbyn#John Cusack#Khaled Mashal#Qatar#Thomas Friedman
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Heroes: Iran Drones Delayed by Experts from Israeli Postal Service
(photo credit: Wikimedia Commons)
By Mark Levy & Yuval Weiss
Last Updated 04/14/2026 at 4:45 PM
Jerusalem: Israel breathed a sigh of relief this morning after Iran’s missile attack failed to cause serious casualties. Many of us thanked the Armed Forces of the USA, UK, and Jordan for shooting down much of the Armada. We also wondered why it took the Drones and Cruise Missiles like 8 hours to fly…
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#Drones#Iran#Israel#Israel news#Israeli Postal Service#Mark Levy#Start Up Nation#Welcome to Israel#Yuval Weiss
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Top 10 Signs there's a Hamas Bunker underneath your UNRWA Office
This week we learned that UNRWA’s protests that they don’t even know anyone in Hamas might be a bit rich. Not just because a dozen of their employees attacked Israel on October 7th, but now we learn that Hamas was running a data center underneath UNRWA’s headquarters! Now their leadership is claiming they had, like “No Idea” what was underneath their HQ. Here at Daily Freier we sympathize with…
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#Hamas#John Cusack#Rashida Tlaib#Roger Waters#Shawshank Redemption#The UN#United Nations#UNRWA#Wolt#Yaya Sinwar
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UNRWA Teacher's Top 10 Excuses for Joining Hamas
This week the world was rocked by the UNBELIEVABLE News that The United Nations Schools in Gaza have been infiltrated by Hamas. This story came as a shock to the millions of Dorks who weren’t reading the Daily Freier in 2015. Nonetheless, UNRWA’s big donors including the USA are pulling their funding. But this is all a big mistake. In fact, The Daily Freier spent the day compiling some of the…
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IDF Discovers Mohammed El-Kurd’s Closet in Gaza Tunnel
Gaza City – Israeli forces announced a critical discovery this morning with far-reaching ramifications. Soldiers in the IDF’s Combat Engineer Battalion operating in tunnels 30 meters below Gaza City have uncovered a closet belonging to Palestinian Media Personality Mohammed El-Kurd. The Daily Freier spoke with Captain “Yossi”, an embedded IDF Public Affairs Officer as he briefed the Media via…
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Ismail Haniyeh calls for More Martyrs & More Room Service
By Yuval Weiss
Last Updated 1 December 2023 at 3:50 PM
Doha, Qatar: With today’s resumption of fighting, Hamas leader Ismail Haniyeh issued a defiant statement from his hotel suite’s breakfast nook. “Today I am calling for more martyrs! With Blood and Fire we will Liberate Al Aqsa!” Mr. Haniyeh emphatically shouted while picking at his poached eggs and salmon. “I am also calling on the Four…
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Nettlix presents: "Me, Myself & Maree" starring Kamran Hussein, Kamran Hussein, and Kamran Hussein!
The sexual tension is palpable as Jew-hater Kamran Hussain flirts with Kamran Hussein… wait…. we mean Maree Campbell. Who is DEFINITELY a real woman, and not just a “Girlfriend in Canada” situation. Unless Kamran is currently flirting with… himself?
Follow the hijinks as Kamran transforms himself from a sketchy weirdo from Luton who is obsessed with Israel into…. a sketchy weirdo from Luton who…
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Top Ten worst things to hear in the Missile Shelter
The Nachman Dancers need help carrying their sound system down the stairs.
Who else wants to talk about Veganism?
You’re just in time for our Settlers of Catan tournament!
Umm, why does your safe room have furry handcuffs on the wall?
We turned our Miklat into a CrossFit Gym!
Guess who has a Multi-Level Marketing opportunity for you!
Hurry up, Kerem House is performing a Musical in the…
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#CrossFit#Haaretz#Israel#Israel news#Kerem House#missile shelters#Na Nach Nachma Nachman Meuman#Secret Tel Aviv#Settlers of Catan#Welcome to Israel
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Israeli Barbie: Wartime Edition!
Recently many of you have confronted the writers of the Daily Freier as we went about our business in Tel Aviv with an urgent question: how are the members of our Israel Barbie Collection dealing with the war? As we have a certain civic sense of duty to our fellow citizens, we assigned our Lifestyle Reporter Roxy Cruz to answer your pressing questions. So behold: The Israeli Barbie Collection:…
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#Barbie Alina#Barbie Danit#Barbie Meirav Covid#Barbie Sigalit#Barbie Taglit Debra#Barbie Yuval Melech HaShuk#Hamas#Israel#Israel news#Ken Dudi#Ken Ofir HaHatir#Ken Uri the Startup Guy#Roxy Cruz#Sheinkin#Tel Aviv#Tel Aviv problems#The Israel Barbie Collection#Welcome to Israel
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Since we’re trapped in this bomb shelter, let’s talk about my Vegan Lifestyle for a half hour!
(photo credit: the Roxy Cruz Foundation)
Wow, that last missile was CLOSE! It’s a good thing this public shelter was nearby. The facility manager just shut that giant steel door and he thinks the barrage of missiles is not going to stop for a long time. So I guess we’re stuck in here!
Which is great because I’ve been meaning to talk to you about the incredible changes in my life since I embraced…
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Trapped: Sephardim from Ashdod forced to eat Ashkenazi Host Family's food
“Try the farfel!”
By Chava Ewa
Last Updated10/15/2023 at 3:50 PM
Tel Tzion: “There. Was. Sugar. In. The. Fish. I’m traumatized. ” Ruti N. of Ashdod sobbed. “Also, the rice was just plain and white…. is there a nationwide turmeric shortage?” Ruti’s Sephardi family is among the many evauated from the South of Israel due to the war and placed with host families around Israel….. many of them who are…
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#Ashkenazi Problems#Ashkenazim#Chava Ewa#Farfel#Gribenes#Hamas#herring#Israel#Israel news#mayonnaise#Shin Bet
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Top Ten Life Hacks from The Sephardic Chief Rabbi of Israel
(photo credit:Wikimedia Commons)
Tensions are currently running a bit high in Eretz Yisrael. Religious and secular Israelis have spent the last few weeks publicly irritating one another and making big withdrawals from our Joint Checking Account at The First Bank of Shalom Bayit. So naturally our beloved Chief Sephardic Rabbi Yitzhak Yosef thought this would the PERFECT moment to dunk on secular…
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Next Week's Palestinian Hunger Strike is Sponsored by Tortit Chocolates!
By Yuval Weiss
Last Updated 6 September 2023 at 3:30 PM
Ramallah: With tensions rising throughout the region, Palestinian media stated today that their prisoners in Israeli jails plan a Hunger Strike starting next week. “The Palestinian freedom fighters incarcerated in Israel for their resistance to the occupation to start a hunger strike on September 14 in protest of repressive decisions against…
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#Ahed Tamimi#Daily Majnoon#Haaretz#Israel#Israel news#Marwan Bargouti#Omar Barghouti#Palestinian Authority#Tortit#Yuval Weiss
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El Al flight delayed after Stowaway Birds refuse Mixed Gender Seating
By Yekutiel Bornstein & Mark Levy
Last Updated 8/29/2023 at 12:50 PM
Ben Gurion Airport, Terminal 3: The Times of Israel reported Monday that an El Al flight from Tel Aviv to New York was delayed due to stowaway birds in the cargo hold. Yet the story failed to report the specific reasons for the delay: numerous birds refused to sit next to birds of the opposite gender for reasons of religious…
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#Ben Gurion Airport#birds#Duty Free#El Al#hoopoes#Israel#Israelis Abroad#Mark Levy#Times of Israel#Welcome to Israel#Yekutiel Bornstein
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Jerusalem Cafe offers dishes made 100% from ingredients they schnorred off Secret Jerusalem
By Mark Levy & Aaron Pomerantz
Last Updated 8/28/2023 at 1:50 PM
Jerusalem, Machane Yehuda: The city’s Foodie community is abuzz today with news of the latest Hot Pop-Up in the Machane Yehuda market. “Yoni’s Crowdsource Kitchen” has a diverse menu consisting of Israeli favorites, Italian dishes, Tapas, and even some Asian Fusion. But here’s the catch. they don’t own a refrigerator. Or a freezer.…
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#Aaron Pomerantz#Jerusalem#Jonny Stark#Machane Yehuda#Mark Levy#pop up stores#Secret Jerusalem#Secret Tel Aviv#Shimshon Leshinksy#Start Up Nation#Welcome to Israel
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Biden Threatens Bibi: End Reforms Or Else Thomas Friedman Writes More Op-Eds
By Yuval Weiss
Last Updated 7/24/2023 at 11:00 PM
Washington: Israel-American relations are in deep crisis today with news that President Biden made explicit threats to Prime Minister Netanyahu: either call off judicial reforms or Thomas Friedman will continue writing his Opinion pieces about the situation. Mr. Friedman, famous pundit and taxi cab whisperer, has written a series of increasingly…
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#Bibi#Binyamin Netanyahu#Bollywood#Corn Pop#Elon Musk#Israel#Joe Biden#Kaballah#Malarkey#protests#The Smurfs#Thomas Friedman#Yuval Weiss
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Protesters! Wanna defeat Bibi? Follow our Secret Plan!
———–?———————?————————————?———————————————————-?—————————————————–———————?
1) Get more votes.
2) Win an Election.
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