I’ve always said that the world is a different place for the heartbroken. It moves on a different axis, at a different speed. Time skips backwards and forwards fleetingly. The heartbroken might go through thousands of micro-emotions a day trying to figure out how to get through it without picking up the phone to hear that old familiar voice. In the land of heartbreak, moments of strength, independence, and devil-may-care rebellion are intricately woven together with grief, paralyzing vulnerability and hopelessness. Imagining your future might always take you on a detour back to the past. And this is all to say, that the next album I’ll be releasing is my version of Red.
Musically and lyrically, Red resembled a heartbroken person. It was all over the place, a fractured mosaic of feelings that somehow all fit together in the end. Happy, free, confused, lonely, devastated, euphoric, wild, and tortured by memories past. Like trying on pieces of a new life, I went into the studio and experimented with different sounds and collaborators. And I’m not sure if it was pouring my thoughts into this album, hearing thousands of your voices sing the lyrics back to me in passionate solidarity, or if it was simply time, but something was healed along the way.
Sometimes you need to talk it over (over and over and over) for it to ever really be… over. Like your friend who calls you in the middle of the night going on and on about their ex, I just couldn’t stop writing. This will be the first time you hear all 30 songs that were meant to go on Red. And hey, one of them is even ten minutes long.
Red (Taylor’s Version) will be out November 19.
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There will be a day and all your dreams will fall apart right before your eyes.
And when that days comes, the pain has dumbed you enough that this life means nothing better than it is now. And you will realize that if there's something you are still in control, that is how this life will end.
You'll put matters in your hand. And when you have taken your own life for your own. These friends will come one by one. They will tell you of their tales of their experience with you. Tell people how good you were to them. You were such a treasure, the only difference now, is that you are a lost one.
“I’m always tired, but never of you.”
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when the predator approaches
my greatest fights has always been during the silent nights, where my weapons were muffled cries and eager prayers, but usually when my nemesis comes they all come useless for I was fighting myself alone and against the demons of the darker side of me. I’ve told people many times about how I fancied stabbing my head with the knife I held a second ago so I could arrest the awful thoughts produced by my overthinking. and somehow imagining I could do such thing, I would feel a rather ominous tickle in my scalp as if the knife is being buried in there. But of course, no substantial amount of physical numbness or a quick mental arrest could overcome my enemy. They just continue to lurk there, and fester, multiplying into a multitudinous amount of loathe, anger, pain of unknown provenance, waiting for me to bend over if not eventually break. It’s going to be another long night, indeed.
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“Reading is to the mind, what exercise is to the body. As by the one, health is preserved, strengthened, and invigorated: by the other, virtue (which is the health of the mind) is kept alive, cherished, and confirmed.”
— Joseph Addison
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We're still walking this path called "life". I have asked myself many times how much life has been costing me lately, how happiness seemed out of reach and for some reason, I see the darkness inside me growing. We're together, but our strings are distant tightrope ends we hang unto. We're physically close, but somehow my mind wanders somewhere unfathomable. As much as I want to believe that things will get better, nothing will change the fact that life will constantly happen. And I just need to grow around my pain more often.
cornelia grace harkness
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I don’t have the energy to be a person
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You don’t owe anyone an explanation for the ways you choose to save yourself.
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“It’s not your life, it’s life. Life is bigger than you. Life isn’t something that you possess, it’s something that you take part in and you witness.”
— Louis C.K.
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So, I think words will never be just words. These scribbled tiny letters you left for me are the proofs I have of that one time I felt loved, that one time I have you, that one time I was once seen and appreciated. I would never be able to bring back that one time but atleast, through this little memoirs I held in my hands, I can recall that one second, minute, hour with you. For once-upon a time, my heart was yours.
~ cornelia grace harkness ♡
“I’m going to tell you something: thoughts are never honest. Emotions are.”
— Albert Camus
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Super Blood Moon next to Milky Way & in night sky by Kaleb Johnston (May 2021)
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“You were never meant to fit in, you are here to make a dent in the universe.”
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“Speak your heart. If they don’t understand, the message was never meant for them anyway.”
— Yasmin Mogahed
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Sam and Charlie ~
We are infinite. ~
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We can never choose where we came from, but we can always choose where we go from here. ~
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