consultingskeletondetective

[consultingskeletondetective]

so fairly recently i started a new job. where i work there’s 24/7 security, and because of this there’s a changeover from day to night staff every afternoon. all of security rotate so they all do days and nights equally. ANYWAY

this is important because a lot of the people are. uh. hot 💀

i’ve been telling my baby @consultingskeletondetective all about the shenanigans that happen and i wondered if anyone here would care to read a few things 🤭 there’s nothing spicy of course (apart from my thoughts), it’s all very professional, but my goddd

i’ve accidentally attributed various people to their CoD counterparts and now that’s literally what i call them in my head, and to abbey, rather than their actual names 💀

so far i’ve a ghost, a soap, two prices, and a könig 🫠

i’ll post a few bits sometime soon if anyone’s interested 🙈

#yesyesyesyesyes #👀👀👀👀 #❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

[consultingskeletondetective]

dudes will be like "women only date based on looks they wouldn't go for a guy who isn't conventionally attractive" meanwhile the women in question are thirsting over the ghoul from fallout bc he's cool and wears cowboy boots like looks literally have fuck all to do with it fellers

#stop calling me out like this

[consultingskeletondetective]

Potent

You’re the psychiatrist tasked to diagnose Michael Myers after his latest killing spree. He doesn’t appreciate your line of questioning. Michael Myers!Female Reader.

masterlist 🩷 ao3

tags: non con, rough sex, hair pulling, stalking, slasher, knife, injury, overstimulation, unprotected sex, squirting, humiliation, pwp

The room wasn’t pitch black but it was dark, dark enough that Michael appeared as a silhouette to you. He had chains around his arms, and his ankles, fixing him to the wall behind him, his head hanging low, so you could only see the mess of dark curls on his head. You knew he was young, but seeing it in the flesh somehow made him even more menacing.

“Is that legal?” You asked, nodding to the chains.

“It’s the only way to keep him down, ma’am.” The guard grunted at you and you sighed, taking a seat in the only chair in the small room. From this angle, Michael’s tall and muscular form was even more intimidating. They didn’t have prison jumpsuits in his size, apparently, as the fabric threatened to tear around his biceps and his thighs. He wasn’t even flexing.

“Hello, Michael.” You said solemnly. “I’m your state ordered psychiatrist.” He didn’t respond, he didn’t lift his head. You hadn’t expected anything else. You’d read Doctor Loomis’ notes. Michael was selectively mute, and he had been since he was six years old. You didn’t expect one session with you would do anything to change that. Still, you were paid to do a job, so you were prepared to go through the motions.

“I’m here to try and determine why you would commit another murder fifteen years after your first episode.” Nothing. “What made you do it, Michael? Were you jealous? Those young teenagers out living their lives while you’re in confinement?” No response. “It must be hard to socialise in the hospital, there can’t be anyone there your age, certainly no girls.” More silence. “It must be hard to meet girls, right, Michael?” The chains didn’t even rattle. “You killed a lot of girls tonight, Michael. Young, pretty girls. But you didn’t rape any of them. Perhaps it’s your impotence that made you kill them, are you jealous of that?” Michael didn’t say a word, the only thing you could hear was his breathing, even that sounded calm.

You probed him with a few more unanswered questions for the better part of an hour before you finally left, with only a few meagre notes but nothing else.

Your phone vibrated on your drive back but you ignored it until you were opening the door to your office. It was a missed call from the prison and a voicemail. You dumped your bag and Michael’s file on your desk and pressed a button on your phone to listen to it but before you could, your office door banged loudly.

You span around, completely unprepared to see Michael Myers standing in the gaping hole where your door used to be. The prison jumpsuit was gone, and replaced with the dark blue of a mechanic’s boilersuit, undoubtedly that used to belong to a poor, dead mechanic lying between the prison and here. His mask sat menacingly over his curls, giving you that eerie blank gaze as he walked into your office, raising his knife in his right hand.

“M-Michael!” You stuttered, scurrying back and hitting your desk. “What are you doing here? What-” He didn’t stop until he was in front of you, only a few inches of air separating your two bodies. You clutched the edge of your desk as you looked up at him, he was at least two feet taller than you, his mask glanced down and watching you, his chest rising and falling with that calm, calm breath.

“Please don’t do this.” You begged uselessly, paralysed with fear. He raised the knife and you sobbed and closed your eyes. The crack of wood jolted your eyes open. Michael’s blade was embedded in your desk, spearing through his file. The tip penetrating one hastily scribbled word. Impotent.

“What-” You tried, your brain a scrambled mess. Michael, apparently furious by your accusation, gripped you by the elbow and threw you down onto the couch. It was black leather and it hurt when you collided with it. You screamed as Michael fisted your hair and suddenly you were tasting leather, face down on the cushion and ass in the air.

Michael hiked your skirt up over your hips and ripped through your tights and panties with one swift movement. Your heart thudded in your chest. You tried to plead but his cock was already in you, splitting your unprepared cunt open on what you could only imagine was a fucking massive cock. He held you down immobile as he slammed into you. It was a brutal, fast fuck, carving open your insides like a pumpkin, lasting only a minute before he was stilling and cumming up your cunt. You gasped in pain and surprise and then he pulled out, the thick pressure suddenly gone from you, only a gaping hole with Michael’s spunk dripping out remained.

You breathed heavily against the leather. Your cunt felt like it was on fire. Shame and pain washed over you. The hand in your hair was still holding strong but honestly, you were too fucking scared to move. Michael had just raped you, cum inside you. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.

You sobbed into the couch before you felt Michael’s fingers digging into your sore, empty cunt. They were nearly as big as his cock and you wailed. “Fuck, no, Michael, not again, please!”

He doesn’t listen, fingering you brutally, twisting the thick digits in your cunt and against your sweet spot until you were squirting all over his hand with a cry.

He pulled out suddenly, surprised by the reaction, and all you could do was whimper as he landed a sharp spank on your cunt, your clit, catching all of you in his large hand. The force of it sent tremors through your whole body and you screamed. He did it again, and again, and again, landing firm, sharp spanks over your sensitive slit, your clit trembling desperately against him. You sobbed in pain, begging him to stop, until finally he did, flipping you over on the couch until you were facing him.

You could see your cunt like this, how bright red and swollen it was, you could also see Michael towering over you. His cock was as big as it felt, curved and veined and wet with you, his fingers were too - all four of them - and he curled his hand around your hip to yank you down the couch and sink his cock right back inside you.

You gurgled. Your cunt was so spent and sore and sensitive but you couldn’t even protest as Michael clamped his huge hand around your neck and held you still, pounding you and forcing you to watch it happen. His cock going in and out, in and out, coming out wetter each time, and everytime he filled you, your eyes rolled into the back of your head and your toes curled in the small of his back. It felt incredible, and you couldn’t stop yourself cumming and squirting all over both of you.

Michael slowed his thrusts a little when you did, dragging his hand through your folds and gathering the wetness there. You whined when he threw it in your face, breaking down into fresh sobs at the humiliating act.

His cock sped back up again and you were delirious with it, clenching down on him. It felt like he was in your fucking guts but you didn’t want him anywhere else. Your hand migrated down without realising, rubbing your desperate little clit until you came again with a moan.

Michael pulled out of you with enough force to make your head spin, and when you managed to glance down, you saw his cock bobbing wetly at your hole, trying desperately to find your wet opening again, but his hands were on your cunt, pulling your lips apart and inspecting the little nub still trembling from the aftershocks of orgasm.

He took your clit in his fingers and twisted cruelly, forcing your back to arch and a gurgled scream to make its way out of your throat. You were so sensitive and not meant to bend that way but he didn’t care, doing it again and making you screech like a banshee. He shoved back inside you at the same time, fucking you harder and stronger than before as he twisted and rubbed your clit with cruel fingers until it was raw and you were clenching and crying and cumming with a painful intensity you’d never felt before.

“Fuck, Michael, fuck, stop!”

He fucked you with long, brutal strokes for the longest few minutes of your life before he finally stilled, filling up your aching cunt with the second load of the night. It didn’t even drip back out of you with how deep he was. You imagined the white seed was splashing your cervix.

You were shivering in oversensitivity, your entire body a wreck as Michael finally pulled his softening cock out of your wrecked hole and slapped it against your puffy slit a few times, making you jolt.

He zipped up and went back to your desk, retrieving his knife from the cracked wood. His file fluttered to the ground. You expected him to kill you, but he didn’t, he just went back to the ruined door and left. You were sure you imagined him tucking your ripped panties into his pocket on the way out.

#michael myers #halloween #fanfiction #michael myers x you #michael myers x reader

[consultingskeletondetective]

BARRY SLOANE as Eddie Wells in PASSENGER (2024 — ) Episode 1.04

#barry sloane #barrysloaneedit #passenger itv #passengeredit #passenger #eddie wells #tvedit #ben.gif #gradient text #the 'beer' neck tattoo lmao

[consultingskeletondetective]

tumblr ads aren't nearly annoying enough for anyone to pay to be ad-free, i never even notice something is an ad half the time, i just think a mutual has developed a new hyperfixation for snakes or something

#tumblr ads

[consultingskeletondetective]

#red dwarf #this scene is everything #'RIMMER' #😍😍😍🥹🥹🥹

[consultingskeletondetective]

do not invite me to the function this is what im doing there

#red dwarf #hell yes

[consultingskeletondetective]

heavy marketing is really not aimed with Brits in mind,,,the fact I've received about 50 emails about a mattress I looked at over 2 weeks ago only means I'm going to go out of my way to buy it from someone else

#why is advertising so #so #constant and in your face all of the time? #grinds my gears

[consultingskeletondetective]

We're on a new platform with a totally different audience...we have to prove ourselves all over again...convince a totally new group of people to think we're funny and worth your attention....so allow me to drop some of my "A" material....the funniest thing I got.......here goes....... jeef berky

[consultingskeletondetective]

OH 🥵🥵🥵

@ahoeformando it's tattoo soap ;)

what if we had Viking Soap ..?

#call of duty #call of duty modern warfare 2 #call of duty modern warfare 3 #soap #cod soap #soap mactavish #john soap mactavish #cod fanart

[consultingskeletondetective]

[consultingskeletondetective]

'why do you like Arnold Rimmer so much he's an asshole?'

because I was also an abused kid treated like shit by my parents who never felt like they were good enough and worthy of love and it's given me shitty personality traits that make me unlovable and Rimmer finding Lister gives me some goddamn hope someone will put up with me there I said it

#red dwarf #arnold rimmer #you're either mentally stable or you relate to this man #its the first fucking time I've ever felt seen

[consultingskeletondetective]

If the internet wasn’t anonymous anymore i would stop writing/posting fic and a part of my soul would die. I don’t want to post fic under my real name i don’t wish to be perceived i wish to be known on an incredibly deep level without something superficial like my name attached. Writing fic is like stripping naked but leaving your face out of the shot

#THIS

[consultingskeletondetective]

you're either mentally stable or you've seen the moonlight scene in the promised land

#red dwarf #arnold rimmer #dave lister #rimster #i could write ESSAYS on this scene #'how can you like Rimmer ew' #because hes the most beautifully complex and tragic character ever written?? #and their relationship makes me want to tear my eyeballs out

[consultingskeletondetective]

Controversial opinion but if someone spends days and weeks and months of their free time writing fanfiction for free and you don't like it,,,you don't have to say that 💀

I mean I get the argument, no one likes everything and you should accept criticism but literally the only thing that keeps writers writing is feedback, they don't get any kind of money or compensation and generally have to lie to their friends and family about what they're spending 90% of the time on so give them a break

Learning to write is an evolution that takes time and you'll stop that stone dead by leaving a nasty comment

#fanfiction #i don't want to say you can't leave criticism but you dont gain anything from it except ensuring the author never writes another word

[consultingskeletondetective]

Imagine if I ended Virginal by killing off Michael and replacing him with Sam, that would be sick af

The people of Haddonfield could finally rest easy, Halloween was over.

It was time for Samhain.

#virginal #michael myers #halloween #michael myers x reader

[consultingskeletondetective]

can't focus all I can think about is Rimmer in White Hole flatly refusing to allow the boys to switch him off VS Rimmer in The Promised Land unplugging himself willingly

#thanks i hate it #arnold rimmer #red dwarf #tear my heart out why dont you #😭😭😭 #the moonlight scene actually damaged me as a person