completelyaccuratef1blog

[completelyaccuratef1blog]

“This season of F1 is going to be fun. I’m going to have fun,” I tell myself in the mirror. It is clear that I am lying. I have already begun to cry.

#this is a completely accurate f1 blog post #f1 #save me

[completelyaccuratef1blog]

As we all know, this is A COMPLETELY NO BULLSHIT EVERY THING IS TOTALLY 100% TRUE blog. It says so in the description.

However, if you are looking for something less COMPLETELY ACCURATE you can also find me @sadvroomnoises.

#tags

[completelyaccuratef1blog]

I’ve not been posting stuff lately because I’ve been sad, and F1 has been sad, and it’s hard to have fun and make dumb posts about F1 when both it and you are sad. 

But I just have to say that there’s a recent blog on here that COMPELS me because I can’t decide if they’re trolling of they genuinely think “race pace” has anything to do with qualifying.

Regardless, I am ENTHRALLED.

#this is not actually an accurate blog post #it's just me being sad #and overly invested in random troll blogs #which is also sad #i apologize

[completelyaccuratef1blog]

How dare an F1 team be disappointed in their worst qualifying of the season instead of...

*squints at note card*

…celebrating that one of their drivers qualified higher than their other driver?

#this is a completely accurate f1 blog post #formula 1 #how dare they be more concerned with the overall team performance #the monsters #f1blr #(y'all better appreciate my tag restraint with this one)

[completelyaccuratef1blog]

“Witness me,” I say as I begin to bend over backwards to excuse a slightly stupid thing one of my favorite drivers has done. The sky overhead begins to darken. My back begins to creek. My vertebrae begin to pop out of alignment one by one. Somewhere nearby a crow caws. Muscle and ligament tear. The back of my head touches my ankles. I am folded completely in half. It begins to rain. 

#this is a completely accurate f1 blog post #f1 #LIGHTNING IN THE DISTANCE

[completelyaccuratef1blog]

I regret to inform everyone that I have decided to take [insert current f1blr joke] completely serious. You’ll be hearing from my lawyers shortly.

#this is a completely accurate f1 blog post #f1 #f1blr #i never joke #i am always serious and looking to send angry asks

[completelyaccuratef1blog]

It’s been a rough week, so I’m bringing the drunk with dogs photo back. Don’t mind me. #Genuine100PercentF1Content

#this is not actually an accurate blog post #actual icon

[completelyaccuratef1blog]

The fact that people who DM drivers “daddy <3″ aren’t relentlessly bullied out of this fandom is genuine proof that society has failed us all.

#f1 #f1blr #this is a completely accurate f1 blog post #except I am 100% fucking genuine with this one

[completelyaccuratef1blog]

Let me be clear because I think some of you don’t know how this works:

My favorite driver beats his teammate: He is a spectacular and beautiful man who is super talented and one of the top five drivers on the grid. If you suggest otherwise, you’re truly delusional. 

My favorite driver loses to his teammate: The team clearly hates him and is conspiring against him. They clearly have designed the car to his teammate’s liking and they’re totally not giving my driver the support he needs. I mean, have you seen the team’s Instagram? Totally. Biased. No one should take these results seriously.

My favorite driver is evenly matched with his teammate: They are clearly gay for each other. 

#this is a completely accurate f1 blog post #f1 #the entire red bull collective tbh #max verstappen #daniel ricciardo #sebastian vettel #alex albon #pierre gasly #yuki tsunoda #sergio perez #carlos sainz jr #charles leclerc #lando norris #lewis hamilton #nico rosberg #are kimi and antonio gay for each other????? #i don't actually know #esteban ocon #fernando alonso #for old time's sake

[completelyaccuratef1blog]

If F1 drivers didn’t want me to stalk them, why do they continue to live their lives?

#this is a completely accurate f1 blog post #f1

[completelyaccuratef1blog]

[low quality post]

#this is not an accurate blog post #it's just a true fact

[completelyaccuratef1blog]

I can excuse casual sexism, physical violence, hitting another driver under safety car (twice), deliberately crashing, collaborating with known Nazi admirers, casual racism, inappropriate sexual comments in a work environment, more physical violence, oil money, ableist slurs, cheating, cheating (in the relationship sense), more oil money, glorifying consumerism, and blatant disrespect. 

But when it comes to professional sports, I draw the line at arrogance. 

#this is a completely accurate f1 blog post #f1 #being over confident in ones ability #truly the worst thing an athelte or team could do

[completelyaccuratef1blog]

My favorite part of the F1 weekend is setting incredibly unrealistic expectations for my favorite drivers and then getting depressed and reblogging photos from 2019 to “relive the glory days” when an entirely predictable result occurs.

#this is a completely accurate f1 blog post #f1 #i just want to see all my favs crossing the finish line in first at the same time #fans pulling out a banner saying gracias Johan #and the drivers holding arms #jumping up and down with the trophy #sorry i think i blacked out there for a second

[completelyaccuratef1blog]

Y’all I’m just trying to run a stupid little satirical blog over here. And some of you are making it way too difficult for me by posting the absolutely most absurd shit. Like jesus, guys. I can’t come up with some of these takes and I’m actually trying to be ridiculous. 

#f1 #genuine thought #lando norris #pierre gasly #f1blr

[completelyaccuratef1blog]

Little known fact about me: I can’t actually read and instead base all my understandings and judgements about drivers, teams, results, and steward decisions on small vibrations that emanate from the Earth’s surface. 

#this is a completely accurate f1 blog post #f1

[completelyaccuratef1blog]

The fact that the tag for my favorite driver does not specifically cater to my personal preferences and my personal preferences alone is one of the greatest injustices on this planet ngl.

#this is a completely accurate f1 blog post #f1 #lewis hamilton #valtteri bottas #max verstappen #sergio perez #lando norris #daniel ricciardo #esteban ocon #fernando alonso #sebastian vettel #lance stroll #pierre gasly #yuki tsunoda #charles leclerc #carlos sainz #kimi raikkonen #antonio giovinazzi #george russell #nicholas latifi #mick schumacher

[completelyaccuratef1blog]

One time I was kayaking off the coast of Lake Superior when Sebastian Vettel showed up in a Ford F-150 and he honked at me and I almost tipped over and then he laughed and drove away and no one believes me because everyone only started watching F1 in 2019.

#this is a completely accurate f1 blog post #f1 #sebastian vettel #the truck was blue