Pain - K.R
Masterlist, Requesting Rules, Guidelines
Modern Day Kylo Ren x Fem Reader
about: the reader's parents get divorced, she visits her abusive dad with her boyfriend Kylo and things get out of hand.
warnings: swearing, violence, abusive father, physical abuse, childhood trauma, mention of death and murder, Kylo being incredibly overprotective and angry.
Y/F/N = your father's name.
A/N: this is the first Kylo fic I've written and I can't lie - I've enjoyed it despite being incredibly nervous. I should be asleep or doing uni work but here we are. Feedback is appreciated... it's been a while since I've written anything and I feel a bit rusty. Please reblog to support.
You were in the middle of planting sunflowers with Kylo when the house phone rang, it rarely went off so you pulled off your gardening gloves and hurried over.
"Want me to get it?" Kylo asked casually.
You shook your head, "I'm all good babe."
Walking into the kitchen, you stared at the shiny black phone, its long spiral cord trailing below.
What if someone has died? What if Kylo's uncle found our number?
Biting the bullet and chewing on your lip, you reached out to the phone, pulling it away from its seat on the wall.
"Hello?" You answered, clutching the phone tightly, twirling your fingers through those long spirals.
"Hi Y/N, it's mum."
Her voice made you feel as if you had been pushed down the stairs.
Your mother never called you - instead she always showed up to your house unannounced once in a blue moon - you and Kylo always made sure your doors were locked after an embarrassing close call.
It wasn't like you were close with her or your dad, both of them had a turbulent marriage that left you scarred and troubled from a child to a young adult.
You felt better being away from them, creating your own life and future with your boyfriend who had issues of his own with his father and uncle.
"I haven't heard from you in a while," you replied, turning around and watching Kylo through the kitchen window, his beautiful locks sticking to his sweaty face.
Kylo focused on the tall sunflowers, trying hard not to get soil everywhere else but the tarp.
"I'm not sure if your father told you..." your mum paused for a moment "but we've filed for a divorce... he's moving into his flat this weekend."
Kylo looked up at you with a big smile on his face - his red gardening gloves hugging his big hands, you tried your best to smile back enthusiastically.
Truth be told, you were relieved at the news - you were glad it wasn't Luke calling or Han bringing news of Leia dying.
There were moments in your childhood when you got on your hands and knees praying for your parents to split up, move on without dragging you in the middle of it and forcing you to pick a side.
"Are you happy?" you asked, ignoring your mother blathering on about the documents.
"I am..." she sighed "but your dad isn't, and he's going to need some help moving in."
The fake enthusiastic smile on your face dropped.
"Dad's asked me to pick him up from the mini centre," you sighed, picking up your car keys.
Kylo started shaking his head and put down his cup of coffee, "I'll get him,"
You walked over to the door, your hand barely brushing against the handle "It's fine, his car will be there for a couple of hours and he said he wanted to go to town until the MOT is finished."
Kylo took long strides towards you, his scar highlighted by the sun beaming through the window "please don't, I don't want you to be alone with him."
You frowned "you can trust him, Kylo. He's not as bad as he was-"
"I don't care." he replied, pulling the keys from your hand "stay here."
Your dad would fly into fits of rage when he wasn't happy. He would yell, smash things, punch the walls, and hurt you - when Kylo first met you he caught sight of the trail of bruises down your arms, back, and legs. You never told him it was your dad, but after a few months of dating and coming up with awful excuses, he didn't need to hear the truth.
"He's been hurting you again, hasn't he?" Kylo glared, his eyes burning into your bruises.
You yanked down your sleeve and tried to push his hands off you "I told you I fell-"
"You've told me that before, Y/N. When will this stop? When will you stop defending him? He can't get away with this!"
"Are you there?" your mother called down the phone.
You scrunched your eyes shut, using your other hand to tuck your stray hairs behind your ear "yeah, it's just... I can't help him, me and Kylo are away that weekend."
Kylo stopped planting and stared at you, already clenching his jaw at the sight of you in distress.
He stood up and pulled off his gloves, throwing them onto the large crumpled blue tarp and walked over to the open kitchen door, he leaned against it, listening in.
"because I can't, mum! He should have hired a service to help him with that shit!" You huffed.
Kylo stared at you, he could practically smell the fear radiating off your skin that was already forming beads of sweat.
"You've never done anything to help out after you left home!" your mother hissed, "All you do is hide away with that controlling, strange boyfriend of yours!"
Even though your mother never punched walls or left you with bruises, she knew how to guilt-trip you and make you feel like shit for wanting to live a happy life without her and your dad dragging you down.
"Give me the phone, sweetheart," Kylo called out softly, holding out his hand as he walked into the kitchen.
"Fine!" you snapped "I'll fucking help him, then! Tell him to have his shit sorted by ten!"
Slamming the phone back on the wall you started to cry, collapsing onto your knees, the cold black and red tiles cooling your skin.
Kylo swallowed hard and got on his knees too so he could be beside you, he pulled you into his arms and stroked your hair with his hand, the other wrapped across your front.
"What happened?" he asked, planting a soft kiss on your head "I know your dad is involved."
Whenever the phone did go off, he had always secretly wished he would hear news of how your father had been arrested or had suddenly passed away - he knew it was a fucked up thing to daydream about, but Kylo had spent many nights lying awake, unable to sleep at the thought of your father inflicting pain on you. He couldn't bear it.
Taking a deep breath, you pulled your face away from Kylo's warmth and looked into his deep concerned eyes. His hand rested against your face, his gentle fingers wiping away your tears.
"Mum and dad got a divorce," you finally replied.
"Surely that's a good thing-"
You cut him off "But I have to fucking help dad move into his flat on Saturday and he's already pissed about the whole thing."
Kylo's eyebrows knitted together and he clenched his jaw, already needing to swallow again as the lump in his throat doubled in size.
"I'm going. You're staying here, whether you like it or not."
Your voice started to crack "He's expecting me to be there, if you turn up without me you know what he'll do to you."
Kylo had to force himself to keep his mouth shut, he wanted to tell you how he felt, what kept him awake at night, the hopes he had every time that stupid little phone would ring. He wanted you to know exactly what your father made him dream about - the sound of your screams.
You were right though, there was no way Kylo could be in the presence of your dad without you, Kylo would have nothing to stop him from taking your fathers head off; The last time he was alone with him, you didn't hear the end of it from your mother, screaming at your down the phone so loud you were in pain.
Kylo waited in your car for your father, parked across the road from the mini centre he stared out the window, noticing the tall and muscular old man come hobbling out of the door, looking left and right before coming over.
Upon seeing Kylo in the window, your father cursed under his breath, shaking his head and getting in the car.
"What are you doing picking me up?" he snapped, slamming the door.
Kylo sighed "Y/N wanted to stay at home, Y/F/N. She's not feeling very well." he lied.
Y/F/N scoffed and started shaking his head again "You're bloody useless you are, aren't you? My daughter is ill and you're not taking care of her!"
Kylo wished he came up with a better excuse but it was too late, the entire drive to town was nothing but complaints, swearing, and insults; Kylo's hands gripped the steering wheel tight - every now and then, wishing it was Y/F/N's throat.
When arriving home, Kylo wouldn't tell you how awful your father spoke to him, how close he was to crashing the car on the passenger side and making it out as if it was an accident or another drivers fault.
The phone started to ring and Kylo eyed it immediately - you caught his glance and went to answer, thinking of Han and Leia.
"Y/N, don't-"
"I don't want mum screaming at me again either, she acted as if I was the devil after you picked dad up that day. He walked back to the mini centre to get his car and didn't speak to me for months."
Your boyfriend didn't want to admit it, but you were right. If someone had to help your father, it had to be you either on your own or with someone else by your side, as much as Kylo hated this - part of him knew that he could be there to protect you if Y/F/N were to lash out and scold you.
-
"Are you sure you want to do this?" You asked Kylo, pulling up outside your childhood home, the massive 'FOR SALE' sign glaring at you.
Kylo stared at the window of the front room, Y/F/N happened to be already standing behind the glass, staring back at him.
"Yes I am," he replied, unclipping his seat belt and opening the car door.
Y/F/N grumbled at the sight of your boyfriend walking towards the front door, he wanted nothing more than to belt him and leave another scar on the other side of his face - Kylo had taken his daughter away and placed her in a castle far away from home where she could be free and do whatever she wanted.
You opened the boot and made enough room for the many boxes and bags you assumed your father had filled.
Upon entering the house full of sickening and unhappy memories, the boxes were empty and all of your father's belongings were scattered around the house like trash.
CD cases were cracked, magazines and books had their pages crumpled and ripped out, family pictures were discarded and their frames were smashed.
Kylo's eyes traced over the mess and up to your father's eyes, he had done this on purpose.
"Why weren't you ready, dad?" you asked, trying to sound polite "You knew we would be here for ten o'clock."
Y/F/N continued to stare at Kylo, "why did you bring this punk with you?"
Kylo's teeth clamped down on the inside of his cheeks, his heart pumping in his chest so hard he could hear each beat through his ears.
Stand your ground. Don't let him walk all over you.
"I asked him to join me as I thought we'd need an extra hand and from the look of things, it seems I'm right."
Now your father's cold stare moved from Kylo and leapt onto you, his anger pulsating and tearing into your soul, sucking the life out of you.
"Talking back to me, are you?" he spat, inching closer, kicking aside the CDs.
Stand tall. Don't back down. Don't be afraid. Claim back this space, don't let this house and its memories plague you.
"I'm not talking back," you shot "I'm simply explaining why I asked my boyfriend to help out since you can't do fuck all on your own."
The house suddenly became still and quiet - too quiet even.
Your father's eyes widened and he raised his hand fast, striking you across the face.
You were stunned and instantly felt defeated, your eyes pooled with tears which made your vision glassy, and your cheek felt like someone had sliced it open to pour salt into the wound, your left ear started to ring.
The room couldn't stop spinning, you felt like you could fall backwards at any minute. Part of you questioned if this was real at all - you and Kylo having a place of your own, or were you that unhappy you had created all of this in your mind as a child because that was the only way you could escape?
Kylo pinned your father against the stained duck-egg blue wallpaper, the mantlepiece stood tall and the cloudy glass vase that held the wilted and cowardly roses shook as your father collided with the wall.
"Don't you ever fucking touch her again!" Kylo yelled angrily, his lips wet from his words and spit.
Forcing yourself to blink away the tears, you stumbled over to Kylo and gripped onto his tensed arm "Kylo, stop!" you begged, afraid of your father hurting him.
Kylo continued to yell, his fingernails clawing into Y/F/N.
Do it. You know what you need to do. He's no father.
"Let go, Kylo!" you sobbed, pulling and pulling at his arm.
Kylo couldn't remember letting go of your father, he couldn't remember leaving the house or getting in the car and driving home.
Sitting down at your round kitchen table, he tended to your red and bruised cheek in a daze, his arms no longer tense but his touch now gentle and caring.
It occurred to him that he had possibly scared you and he realised that he couldn't hide his feelings anymore, he was being torn apart and enduring it in silence for much longer would kill him.
I want to be free of this pain.
"I'm sorry," he broke down, forcing himself to look into your tired eyes.
"It's okay, you didn't know what you were doing-"
Kylo shook his head, his hands were trembling "But I did," he revealed, "I have been waiting for this day for a long time."
You stared at him, not knowing what he meant, his beautiful full lips started to quiver.
"Baby, I don't understand.."
"All your father has done is abuse you, emotionally and physically. I've seen the bruises, I've heard you crying and pleading on that stupid phone."
You started to cry again, your tears running over the angry handprint.
"I hate him, I've been awake for many nights because every time I fall asleep I can hear your screams as he beats you, he might leave you bruised but he's weak and foolish, and I've relished every single thought I've ever had about destroying him."
You couldn't believe what you were hearing, you were truly terrified of Y/F/N at times but the thought of your boyfriend killing him made you feel sick - but you were tolerating your father when most would've reported him and had him face the consequences of his actions.
"Kylo, you can't say things like that, you can't-"
"We're being torn apart - you deserve to be free from this pain and I do too, everything he does to you.. it kills me inside.. and today..." he cried harder "I knew what I had to do but I didn't know if I had the strength to do it."
You leaned over the small round table and cupped Kylo's face in your hands, his tears running down his face whilst yours jumped from your chin. You stroked his hair and tried to calm him, but he cried and cried and cried, his wails feeling like a thousand cuts all over your body.
This was how he felt when Y/F/N was hitting me. This is how he felt every single time I walked out of the damn door and drove to that damn house.
"Will you help me?" you whispered, your throat too tight to speak.
He nodded "yes, anything."
You looked over at the phone and back at Kylo "We need to leave all of this behind whilst we still can."
Your hand rested on his face, your thumb tracing his scar.
"Nothing will ever stand in our way."
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