butterflywbrokenwings

[butterflywbrokenwings]

Hey guys,

Guess I’m back, think I reached my lowest at this point.

I got 21 since the last time I was active here.

I fought so hard to not relapse but I just can’t my brain‘s too loud.

It‘s not just that I have a hard time eating. It’s everything.

#tw #anamia #anarecia #tw eating stuff #tw ed behavior #tw ed things #ed diary #ed thoughts #tw ana #tw eating mention #depresjon #depri #depressao #tw depressing stuff

[butterflywbrokenwings]

Sooo I have been very inactive the last few weeks. I felt so lost and I couldn’t stick to any meal plan or goal I set for myself.

However new month new me.

My goal for this month is to hit 62kg. At the moment I am at 65.5kg

My rules:

- max. 1300-1500cals

- lots of protein

- no sweets/sugar

I’m feeling very sick at the moment so I won’t exercise much, but as soon as I feel better I do daily walks and go to the gym at least 5 times a week.

Haven’t been to the gym for about 3 months because of my exams and then I hurt my knee.

#tw #anamia #anarecia #tw eating stuff #tw ed behavior #tw ed things #ed diary #ed thoughts #tw ana #tw eating mention #depresjon #depressao

[butterflywbrokenwings]

I‘m at work but I have lunch time right now.

Just ate some watermelon and a little bit oatmeal.

I‘m so fucking tired.

[butterflywbrokenwings]

Just woke up. I am already so NOT motivated to fast today at all and also I feel kinda hungry. But I’m trying my best and I have a lot to do today so I hope that will distract me.

[butterflywbrokenwings]

I am and always have been a very anxious person. Moreover I have these depressed episodes since I was like 13/14.

I never got diagnosed with any mental illness like depression, anxiety disorder or an eating disorder but at this point I think it’s very obvious and I can’t even deny it anymore.

My comfort person since day one is Harry Styles. I just love him, his music, EVERYTHING.

The last few years Jaden Hossler and Nessa Barett also became very comforting people to me. I know a lot of people don’t like them and there are many different and also very negative opinions about them. But I just can’t help it. I love them both and I find them very relatable. Also they both make such good music which helped me go through so much shit.

Whatever, now that both of them are going through so much pain because of the loss of their best friend and the problems they have had before I‘m so afraid that one or both of them is going to seriously harm themselves.

[butterflywbrokenwings]

After I binged I planned the following 10 days. I consumed something a bit over 1000cals. I know for many people it isn’t that much but I still feel like a piece of shit. And I also know that the next few days are going to be veery restrictive especially because I normally don’t go under 700-800cals a day.

#tw #anamia #anarecia #tw eating stuff #tw ed behavior #tw ed things #ed diary #ed thoughts #tw ana #tw eating mention #depresjon

[butterflywbrokenwings]

THIS.

the feminine urge to completely destroy your health for beauty standards

[butterflywbrokenwings]

Aaaand I binged yesterday evening so I think this will be my only meal for today. But if I am too hungry before I go to bed maybe I will eat something small like soy yogurt with fruit.

Just finished my last exam for this school year. I‘m in my fourth year of my internship as a educator.

I‘m going to meet my classmate at a café. Maybe I‘ll get something to eat and won’t just drink a coffee. I haven‘t eaten since yesterday evening. I think I fasted for about 17hours.

I think my English got worse :(

[butterflywbrokenwings]

Just finished my last exam for this school year. I‘m in my fourth year of my internship as an educator.

I‘m going to meet my classmate at a café. Maybe I‘ll get something to eat and won’t just drink a coffee. I haven‘t eaten since yesterday evening. I think I fasted for about 17hours.

I think my English got worse :(

#tw #anamia #anarecia #tw eating stuff #tw ed behavior #tw ed things #ed diary #ed thoughts #tw ana #tw eating mention #depresjon #depressao

[butterflywbrokenwings]

Please reblog if you have an ED and are 18+. I feel like a creeper following minors

[butterflywbrokenwings]

REBLOG THIS IF YOU ARE AN ACTIVE ED BLOG IN JULY 2022

⚠️ NO MINORS ⚠️

[butterflywbrokenwings]

+

[butterflywbrokenwings]

I‘m a bad friend.

I‘m a bad daughter.

I‘m a bad sister.

I‘m a bad human.

I always try to be a bad bitch. But I‘m just a bad human being with crippling anxiety, depression and absolutely no will to live.

I deserve nothing.

#tw #tw depressing stuff #depresjon #depri #depressao

[butterflywbrokenwings]

My last few weeks have been very chaotic and I‘m not in the best mental state right now.

I decided to get back on track after I ate wayyyy too much the last few weeks.

So I‘m going to fast until September 2nd.

I don‘t know my weight at the moment but I‘m going to weigh myself on Monday.

#anamia #anarecia #tw #tw eating stuff #tw ed behavior #tw eating mention

[butterflywbrokenwings]

idk if those “spells” work but………. somehow it’s working, is it a placebo? anyways 10 lbs weight loss spell!

like to charge

reblog to release

[butterflywbrokenwings]

Idk who I am right now.

#anamia #anarecia #tw #tw eating stuff #depressao #tw depressing stuff #depri #sorry for being depressing #depresjon

[butterflywbrokenwings]

Soooo guess I‘m doing this challenge now.

DAY 1:

Just weighed myself and my cw is 67,4kg.

Yeah, how I said I fucked up so bad because I used to weigh like 65kg last week.

However:

HW: 75kg || SW: 74kg || CW: 67,4 || GW1: 60kg || GW2: 55kg || UGW: 52kg

#anamia #anarecia #tw #tw ed behavior #tw eating mention #tw eating stuff #tw ed content #ed #tw ed things