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Like my therapist made the observation that I was knowing things about myself but I was ashamed of them rather than accepting it as a part of myself and like it seems like really general advice but after being like “I don’t know why I feel bad” for thirty minutes, sometimes your therapist needs to gently tell you “it’s cause you don’t love yourself idiot”

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Therapy is wild cause they just say something so simple to you that is like holy shit hearing someone else say it helps me recognize it myself. Like it really is that simple sometimes. Obviously it’s complicated to practice it but like when it hits it hits.

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Ok before I sleep for real cause sleep is divine healing of the mind or whatever, I’m just so happy that I haven’t self harmed in like a year. Like it’s not something that I fall back into right now. Like no hard feelings if I do again but the mix of therapy and talking about it worked and I’m super proud of myself.

#cw mention of self harm

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I want to sleep but also am I craving stimulation which is why I find it so difficult to put down my phone?

Like I’ve been introduced to the idea of revenge procrastination and I think that’s what this is. But it’s weird cause today I didn’t really do anything but I guess actually revenge procrastinating is just a habit I have so even if I spent all day doing stuff I wanted, I just always kinda feel unfulfilled and search aimlessly on my phone for something.

I was about to say something that isn’t there but I think one reason why I struggle to break the habit is because sometimes I do find what I’m looking for. Often it’s fanfiction HAHAHAH

The only issue with that is having to find something that will randomly fulfil the exact story I need to read right now that will just resonate.

So sometimes I don’t find it or I do and it’s just very late.

I think the last time I got out of my revenge procrastinating loop I just tried to really romanticize sleep.

Like I’ve romanticized my skincare and tooth care so even when I’m super depressed I get happy accomplishment feeling when I wash my face and floss my teeth.

So I gotta get back on finding sleep divine. Instead of a “waste of time” it is radiant slumber. I am sleeping beauty, it’s not depression nest, I’m a slumbering hummingbird going honk mi mi mi mi mi.

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I will never get over how weird it feels to have tragic and emotional chapters of your life where you just also still go to work, and the grocery store, and see funny videos online all while feeling such paralyzing fear and heartache

life just goes on no matter what

#I like finding posts I vaguely remember enough to talk about but often don’t know where to find them #I like this post

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anyone else think about their guy and briefly understand what it feels like to be an anime girl

#no wait this is so real #lying on my bed kicking and squealing and then realizing I as a human flesh in the reality world #just did that.

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Whenever I see this pop up I’m glad that the retrospect is mixed with a healthy dose of ah but to dream. To live. To not have the context of the future.

Also I know I would’ve lived for this if I was on Tumblr back then HAHAHAH

Reblog if you’d attend!!

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I love writing angst fics with happy/melancholy endings.

Like yessss yessss you will find ways to have happiness in what you perceive as a bad ending.

There is still joy when things don’t turn out exactly how you wanted.

Something something that Tumblr post about how people lived happy and fulfilling lives as the Roman Empire collapsed.

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I love googling things about therapy not to get the most out of therapy but to write fanfiction where my blorbo goes to therapy.

Do we still say blorbo? Actually I don’t care, it’s a useful word.

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The comments on an Israel Palestine video passed the vibe check so hard I’m so happy.

The video was trying to “critique” the one state solution with a multicultural angle to avoid Palestine becoming an ethnostate of any kind and this persons rebuttal was that… Jewish people must have an ethnostate and that if the one state was implemented there would be more Palestinians than Jewish people because of all the refugees that would return to Palestine.

Zionist propaganda failed and I’m so happy, the comments were full of people being like, you could have said the same thing about South Africa apartheid that white people needed a place away from all the dangerous black people like what the hell, this Zionist needs to do some serious self reflection.

Like we see this replacement therapy bullshit everywhere. Oh the Asians are coming and they’re going to outnumber us and steal our jobs and then our precious white supremacy will be over!

Well I live in an area with majority Asian and guess what? White supremacy is still alive and well. Just because they’re are more of a people doesn’t mean that race becomes the superior race.

Because the concept of race was thought up by colonizers!! We don’t have to think hierarchically. We can unlearn it to the best of our abilities!!

People fear affirmative action and diversity because it feels like power is being taken away and given to the other but no, it’s being redistributed!!!

Now can the redistribution go wrong? Totally!! We’re all fucking human and yes, we can be really fucking mean to people because they’re white!! Now some social justice scholars think you can be racist to white people others say no, I can see where scholars who think white peoples can experience racism are onto something but also I hesitate to call it racism per se in the sense that I do believe white people are also oppressed because we all suffer under colonial capitalism. But also intersectionality I feel correctly points out how there are different flavours of bad that can layer on top of each other to make a gross oppression cake.

Trans black women often have to eat a transphobic, racist and misogynistic cake because they embody those positionalities.

But also a cis white guy also suffers under that same cake but it’s bad in a different way.

Cis people face transphobia in the sense that if they ever slightly veer off of rigid binary gender norms they can also face harassment, to gain white privilege white people (and those who try to ascribe to whiteness via internalized racism) literally become cruel people and when you hurt others you hurt yourself. You become heartless and inhumane if you try and ascribe yourself with white supremacy. Men struggle under patriarchy in the sense that patriarchy puts men on top sure but also the hierarchy is harmful as they are pitted against other men and are barred from emotional connection as western ideas of hegemonic masculinity demands them to fulfill impossible standards and failing to meet those standards is met with ridicule.

My oppression is your oppression is our oppression. We are not free until we all are.

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It is sorta frustrating when people who make humorous videos critiquing people who are self diagnosed don’t have a better term other than self diagnosed and a lot of people are technically diagnosed.

I dunno maybe chronically online is better? But also someone faking a mental illness for attention is a problem in it of itself so like…. I guess I have a bit more sympathy on the so called chronically online people. Like it’s the same thing with the queer baiting overuse. If we scream queerbait too quickly, we end up with our current situation with people coming out before they’re ready to stop the hate comments.

Like I know those videos aren’t about me. I don’t use my mental illnesses I don’t know what they are but they’re present as a way to seek attention or whatever. But now talking about my mental health makes me feel like I’m seeking attention.

It’s just really weird.

I think my current position is that yeah, people playing a bit fast a loose with diagnoses is a bit annoying but if someone is faking something for attention, there are problems to be addressed that calling them cringe doesn’t really solve.

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#things like these are beautiful to me #we are all humans and we love gatekeeping hahahahhha

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My family is quite supportive of my artistic passions and what not but whenever I finish something they immediately point out the flaws. Like I know it’s not perfect but I don’t see you making a coat from bedsheets.

Like I wish they said “it looks good!” Rather than, it’s crooked, why is it like that, like man it’s crooked because it’s not done yet, it’s like that because Ive used a pattern a drafted myself and I’m still an amateur pattern drafter like it’s a very Asian thing I guess. The perfectionism that I’m trying to reject.

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I understand the fear in change. And freeing Palestine will bring lots of change. But things must change. Apartheid and genocide cannot continue.

The people of Congo should not face a genocide because of a want for cobalt.

Nestle should be destroyed for its crimes against humanity. For killing babies by dressing people up as fake doctors and convincing mothers they need baby formula instead of breastfeeding so that they buy their baby formula with instructions that aren’t even in the right language. How dare they use baby formula, something that saves children as an economic weapon that has doomed and killed babies.

I do not say land back lightly. I know it will bring much change but we can’t keep living like this. And I know we all suffer under colonial rule. Some of us are just slightly more comfortable than others. But still we are fucking miserable housing prices skyrocket and homeless people are abused and displaced.

Land back might be a messy process but I’ll take anything over colonialism.

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Also any life lost is a tragedy but we can fucking acknowledge the disproportionate loss of Palestinian life because Palestinians are facing a genocide and to resist the genocide some are using violence.

Like I’m sick of doing this fucking song and dance. There were violence and murder when black people fought to end slavery!

Like let’s all stop doing this fucking thing where we go “there are bad people on both sides” because it doesn’t fucking matter, they’re committing genocide. We should stop arming and funding genocidal regimes!

Like I’m not here with a solution to create long lasting peace other than a fucking CEASEFIRE. I am sick of being called a terrorist because I hate genocide.

I want the genocide to stop in Canada and America too, I want our indigenous people to have their land back. I want our colonial countries to respect the fucking treaties and also realize that the treaties themselves fucking suck and go through the process of decolonizing Canada and America and giving land back.

I want colonial and late stage capitalism to stop fuelling the genocide in Congo.

To stop modern day slavery in prisons.

Like I get it, I don’t like violence either. I don’t think I could ever participate in violence as I think it brings more violence. However, slaves killing their masters, fighting to end apartheid, resisting genocide. We can’t look at violence out of its context.

But they will. To paint the oppressed in a bad light. To twist history to make it seem they are the oppressed. The oppressed become the oppressors. But I don’t care if the cycles repeat themselves, I believe we can stop the cycle of violence. I do think if we better understood how a lot of this is rooted in British colonialism. Or just colonialism in general.

If we stopped using bombs. If we truly cared about civilians.

I don’t care if I sound fucking naive. I refuse to just go “that’s the way the world works” so I can ignore genocide.

If I’m wrong and violence and conflict and genocide is some inherent human thing or whatever which I don’t agree with, at the very fucking least we don’t have to send more weapons, more bombs so they can kill more people.

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Also that fucking video was drawing attention to the fact that you know THERE IS A FUCKING GENOCIDE GOING ON??

“Ooohhh booo hooooo this protest chant is too simplistic and isn’t 100% correct according to me”

THEY ARE TRYING TO STOP A GENOCIDE. Also history is written by the oppressors so….

Zionists doing revisionist history came up on my YouTube shorts. Must remember there is love in the world.

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Zionists doing revisionist history came up on my YouTube shorts. Must remember there is love in the world.