buckylove123

[buckylove123]

Yours

Steve x reader

I’ve had this idea in my head for a while and decided to go for it, although it’s not something I’d usually write! Please read the warnings- there are some topics that people might find triggering!

TW- angst, alcohol consumption, mentions of smut (both parties are intoxicated), allusions to depression, pregnancy, mentions of abortion, mentions of miscarriage, Steve being an awful person.

—————————

“You did good today kid.” Tony ruffled your hair as he followed you out of the quinjet.

It had been your first mission as an official member of the avengers, you’d gone against the plan initially set out by Steve but the result was good. You got more information that you’d initially hoped for and managed to put a stop to hydra’s future plans.

“Debrief in 10.” Steve said coldly as he brushed passed you, out of all the avengers he was the one you had the hardest time getting along with.

“Do you think he’s angry with me?” You asked Tony, anxiety immediately bubbling up inside you.

“He’s a grumpy old man Y/N.” Tony joked “don’t worry about him, you did an amazing job and you’re a credit to the team, we’re lucky to have you.”

You felt slightly better after hearing Tony’s praise, smiling to yourself as you made your way to the conference room.

—————————

You sat between Bucky and Nat in the conference room, both of them congratulated you on your speedy reactions and quick thinking as soon as you sat down.

You were proud of yourself, finally feeling like a valuable member of the team.

“Okay listen up guys.” Steve’s voice sounded around the room “first of all I wanted to thank everyone for their hard work today, we got the outcome we were looking for and we’ve saved a lot of lives.”

Everyone in the room smiled at his words, the mood was light and happy.

“But I do need to raise a couple of issues.” He said in a serious tone “some of the behaviour I saw out there today was completely unacceptable.”

You immediately looked down at your hands, knowing he was talking about you.

“Y/N, I know you’re new to this. But I’m absolutely appalled by what you did today.” He addressed you directly “you showed a blatant disregard for orders and endangered not only yourself but your team members.”

“I did what I thought was best.” You responded “I’m sorry.”

“Sorry doesn’t bring back your team mates!” Steve’s voice became louder “sorry doesn’t change the fact that you’re so undisciplined you took it upon yourself to ignore orders from your superior and decide to play the hero. I’m disgusted by your actions, and it makes me question if you’re worthy of being a part of this team.”

“That’s enough Rogers.” Tony spoke up in your defence.

“I don’t think it is Tony!” Steve threw his hands in the air as he spoke “today has highlighted a huge gap in her training, if it were up to me she’d be packing her bags and going back to the FBI where she belongs.”

You couldn’t help the tears that escaped your eyes, looking down at your lap in an attempt to hide them.

“And how she’s crying!” Steve scoffed “you’re totally unprofessional Y/N. I think you should leave and sort yourself out, consider this a formal warning.”

You didn’t respond, instead you rose to your feet and practically ran from the room. Locking yourself in your bedroom and crying until you had no tears left.

——————————

“Why the hell did you go off on her like that?” Natasha demanded as soon as you’d left the room.

“She needed to know that what she did was reckless!” Steve defended himself.

“She does know that!” Tony interjected “and you humiliating her in front of everyone was just horrible. I never took you for a bully.”

“I’m protecting my team!” Steve folded his arms.

“And she’s a member of your team!” Tony raised his voice “you had no right to speak to her like that, you need to apologise.”

“I’m not talking about this anymore.” Steve dismissed Tony “I want everyone’s written reports by tomorrow afternoon, that’ll be all.”

“You’re a real dick Rogers.” Natasha mumbled under her breath.

“I heard that.” Steve exclaimed.

“Good.” She said bluntly, before flicking her hair over her shoulder and leaving.

——————————

3 days passed and you hadn’t spoken to Steve, doing everything you could to avoid coming into contact with him. Tony and Natasha had reassured you that he didn’t mean what he said, but you couldn’t help but take it to heart.

“Party tomorrow night.” Tony announced from his seat at the breakfast table.

“Not another fucking party.” Bucky grumbled.

“Lighten up barnes.” Tony chuckled “if you’re lucky Thor might share some of that liquor that gets you and Rogers drunk.”

“Fine.” Bucky shrugged before beginning to shovel

“You’re coming right Y/N?” Tony turned to you.

“Oh…I…I don’t think so…thank you for the invite though.” You stared down at your breakfast like it was the most fascinating thing in the world.

“Is this because of what Steve said in the meeting?” Tony asked “because he was out of order and we’ve all told him that, he won’t speak to you like that again.”

“I just think it’s better if I stay out of the way.” You said quietly.

“You’re coming.” Natasha said firmly “I’ll drag you there myself and kick Steve’s ass if I need to.”

“But…” you tried to speak but were quickly interrupted.

“No point arguing this kid, you’re coming.” Tony smirked at you.

———————————

You were stood at the bar with Bucky and Sam, doing your best to avoid Steve.

“Slow down Y/N.” Sam joked as you downed your third glass of wine “I’m not holding your hair back if you get sick.”

“I can hold my alcohol.” You rolled your eyes.

“Speaking of alcohol, I’m going to find Thor to get me some of that liquor he has.” Bucky grinned before leaving you and Sam alone.

“You seem nervous tonight Y/N.” Same pointed out once you were alone.

“I’m fine.” You shrugged.

“We both know that’s bullshit.” He frowned “is it because of what happened with Steve?”

“Yeah I suppose it is.” You sighed “I just wanted to help…I wanted the mission to be a success.”

“He was out of order and he knows it.” Sam reassured you “he’ll apologise eventually.”

“I just don’t know if I can stay here…not after he humiliated me in front of the whole team.” You confessed.

“You’re an asset to the team Y/N, we’re lucky to have you and you do an amazing job.” Sam wrapped his arm around your shoulders “don’t let one asshole ruin your career.”

“Thanks Sam.” You leant your head on his chest “you’re the best.”

“I know.” He grinned “c’mon…let’s go have a dance.”

You smiled to yourself as he pulled you onto the dance floor, feeling the anxiety melt away the more time you spent with him.

“You’re an amazing friend Sam.” You said as you went to the bar for another drink “I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

“You’d do just fine Y/N.” He took a sip of his own drink “you’re stronger than you give yourself credit for.”

You shrugged as you took another gulp of your wine, quickly followed by a shot of tequila. As you were finishing your drink and ordering another Sam excused himself to go speak with Tony about an upgrade to his suit.

“Hello Y/N.” You heard a voice behind you that made your heart rate increase and a layer of sweat to form on your palms.

“Hello Captain.” You said timidly as you turned to face him.

“You can call me steve you know.” He smirked as he took a sip from the hip flask he was holding; he’d clearly got hold of Thor’s liquor and was drunk.

“Okay…hello steve.” You corrected yourself, gulping down another drink as quickly as possible to make the conversation more bearable.

“I’ve gotten a lot of shit of Tony and Nat for shouting at you in that meeting…I’m sorry if I was out of line.” His voice was full on sincerity.

“It’s okay.” You shook your head slightly as you spoke “I shouldn’t have gone against orders.”

“The outcome was good.” He shrugged “I think I’m too hard on you.”

You weren’t sure how to respond, instead taking another gulp of your drink.

“You look beautiful tonight.” Steve took a step towards you.

“Thank you.” Your voice was barely audible.

“Want to come back to my room and have a drink there?” He suggested boldly.

Normally you would have said no, but you couldn’t help but crave the positive attention he was giving you. You wanted him to like you, you wanted him to compliment you.

“Yeah…I’d like that.” You nodded, allowing him to take your hand in his as he accompanied you to his room.

————————————

You woke up in an unfamiliar room with a pounding in your head.

You tensed up when you felt a body pressed up against your own; did you sleep with someone last night?

You turned slightly to catch a glimpse of the man behind you, completely shocked to see Steve Rogers peacefully sleeping.

The memories came flooding back, how you were both drunk and decided to come back to his room; how he’d drawn orgasm after orgasm from your quivering body.

Shit…did he use a condom? You wracked your brain as you tried to remember, you prayed he did; you weren’t on birth control.

You felt him stir beside you and turned to face him.

“Good morning.” You said softly once he’d opened his eyes.

“Y/N…w-what are you doing here?” His eyebrows furrowed as he spoke “did we…did we have…”

“I think so.” You interrupted “we were both pretty drunk.”

“I want you to leave please.” His voice was hard “and I’d appreciate it if you didn’t tell anyone about what happened.”

“Oh…okay.” You said quietly, feeling your cheeks redden as a feeling of humiliation grew within you. You felt dirty and used, you held back tears and you quickly dressed and rushed to your own room without sparing Steve Rogers another glance.

——————————

You’d hoped after what had happened steve might be kinder to you, or perhaps even acknowledge your existence. It would seem you were hoping for too much, the only time he spoke to you was on missions or during debriefs; usually to critique your performance.

You didn’t tell anyone about what had happened between you, feeling embarrassed and stupid for allowing him to use you in that way.

As the weeks passed you became more introverted, only talking to the team when it was absolutely essential. You spent most of your time in your room, avoiding any social interactions at all cost.

You sat alone in your room as usual, scooping your cereal into your mouth as you watched TV mindlessly. As you finished your last mouthful you felt a wave of nausea suddenly overcome you, you rushed to the toilet just in time to throw up the majority of your breakfast.

“Great.” You mumbled to yourself as you flushed the toilet and rinsed your mouth, the last thing you needed was to get sick.

You made your way back to your room and flopped down on the bed, pulling out your phone to distract yourself. As you unlocked it your eyes were drawn to the date displayed at the top of your screen. You felt another pang of nausea run through you as you realised your period was 3 weeks late.

The only person you’d slept with in the past 6 months was Steve…Steve who hated your guts.

You forced yourself to take a deep breath and calm down, there was no point getting stressed until you knew what you were dealing with.

You continued taking deep breaths as you got dressed and grabbed your purse; heading to the nearest store to purchase a test.

——————————

2 lines.

Positive.

You sat cross legged on your bathroom floor as silent tears ran down your face. You were going to be a mother…and Steve was going to be a father. You knew you had to tell him, but the thought of his reaction terrified you.

You closed your eyes for a moment, taking a few deep breaths before rising to hour feet and making your way to Steve’s office.

—————————

“Could I talk to you please?” You tried to keep your voice steady as you entered the room where he was sat with Bucky.

“I’m busy.” He grumbled.

“It’s important.” You pleaded, struggling to hold back the tears that threatened to escape.

“It’s okay doll.” Bucky said softly “I’ll just go.” He placed a reassuring hand on your shoulder before he left; clearly sensing that something was wrong.

“That was so rude Y/N!” Steve shouted as soon as Bucky had left “you can’t just storm in here and demand to speak to me. I don’t know who the hell you think you are. You need-“

“I’m pregnant.” You interrupted him mid rant; not able to keep it to yourself anymore.

“Oh…” Steve looked at you blankly “so I’m assuming you wanted to tell me you’re leaving the team then?”

“No…I actually wanted to talk to you because…well it’s because…the baby…it…it’s yours.” You stammered.

“What?” His face was blank.

“You’re the father.” You said as calmly as you could.

“You’re certain?” He frowned slightly.

“100%.” You nodded.

“I think you should have an abortion.” He spoke up after a few minutes of silence.

“W-what!?” You we’re shocked by his reaction.

“I’m not ready to be a father Y/N.” He sat back in his chair as he spoke “and even if I was ready I sure as hell wouldn’t want a child with you.”

“I…I want to keep them.” You said softly as tears began to fall from your eyes.

“I suppose there’s not much I can do about that.” He shrugged “but you need to know that I will have no part in bringing this child up…I won’t acknowledge I’m the father and you won’t tell anyone I’m the father.”

“But…it’s your child.” Your tone was almost pleading.

“Biologically yes…but as far as I’m concerned that child isn’t mine. I don’t care if you abort it or if you miscarry…or if you bring it up to be the perfect human. It’s not mine and I don’t want anything to do with it.”

“You…you wouldn’t care if anything happened to them?” You looked at him with a shocked expression on your face.

“Look Y/N….” He sighed as he ran a hand down his face “I’ve tried to be nice about this but you’re clearly more stupid than I thought if you’re not getting it. That’s not my child and I don’t care what you do with it…Now leave, I’m busy.”

You turned on your heel and ran from the office with tears in your eyes, unsure what you were going to do and feeling completely alone.

———————————

Sam came to find you a few hours later, concerned that you hadn’t come out of your room for any meals that day. He was greeted by the sight of you curled up on your bed crying.

“Y/N?” His voice was soft as he came to sit beside you “can you tell me what’s wrong sweetheart?”

You felt his hand rubbing soothing circles on your back as you sat up to face him.

“I…I don’t know what to do.” You spoke through tears “I’m so scared.”

“Why are you scared? What’s happened?” His voice was fully of worry.

“I…I can’t tell you.” You hiccuped before bursting into a fresh set of tears.

“Hey…you can tell me anything.” He wrapped his arms around you “you can trust me Y/N.”

“I’m pregnant.” You whispered.

“Oh…and have you thought about what you might want to do?” Sam asked softly.

“I want to keep it.” You said firmly.

“And the father?” Sam said delicately “is he aware?”

“He doesn’t want to be involved.” You continued to cry “he said he doesn’t care what happens to them.”

“He sounds like a dick.” Sam responded as he held you closer to his chest “you don’t need him, you have us. We’re your family.”

You wanted to tell him that it was a member of the ‘family’ he was talking about that was responsible for making you feel this way. But Steve was one of Sam’s closest friends, you couldn’t do that to him; it wouldn’t be fair.

Instead of telling him you nodded, telling him that he was right and that you knew the team would be there for you.

“Do you want to tell them?” He asked softly “or do you want more time to think?”

“They’ll have to find out eventually.” You sighed “might as well get it over with.”

“You sure?” He asked.

“I’m positive, let’s do it.” You rose to your feet and took his hand in yours, making your way to the conference room where the team was currently meeting.

—————————

“Guys…” Sam spoke up as he entered the room “sorry to interrupt, but Y/N has something she’d like to tell you all.”

The team looked at you intently as they waited for you to speak. Steve was the only exception; instead he stared at the papers in front of him as though they were the most fascinating things in the world.

“I’m pregnant.” You said bluntly, not wanting to delay your announcement “the father doesn’t want to be involved so I’ll be raising the baby alone.”

The next few minutes we’re a blur of the team hugging and congratulating you, with Bucky and Nat also offering to murder the father; an offer you politely declined given that the father was one of their best friends.

Steve approached you last, knowing it would raise suspicions if he didn’t.

“Congratulations.” He said stiffly, clenching his jaw once he’d finished speaking.

You didn’t respond, instead turning to speak with Sam. You had no desire to be around Steve after what he’d said earlier in the day.

“Do you want to leave?” Sam asked, immediately sensing your discomfort.

“Yes please.” You nodded.

“C’mon then.” He placed a gentle hand on the small of your back “let’s go get you and this baby some food, you must be starving.”

Steve glared at your back as you left the room with Sam, he pushed down the feeling of jealousy; telling himself he didn’t care about you.

He wouldn’t let himself care about you.

——————————

A/N- there will be another part to this story which should be posted shortly. This is the first thing I’ve written in months so sorry if it’s not great, please be kind! Not proof read so sorry for any mistakes!

#steve rogers #steve x reader #steve rogers angst #steve x female reader #steve Rogers fanfic

[buckylove123]

🌟 updated: August 15 2021

Keep reading

[buckylove123]

i hope you’re okay, i’m sorry this platform has been so awful to you. wishing you the best

Hey lovely! Thank you so much. Things are much better now, I’ve cleared my head and decided to come back on! I really appreciate the love❤️❤️❤️

[buckylove123]

Going to be deleting this app now (possibly indefinitely) I’ve just logged back on after taking a break and my mental health has almost immediately taken a turn for the worse. I won’t deactivate the account in case anyone wants to re-read any fics or anything. Thank you for all the love and support❤️❤️❤️❤️

[buckylove123]

Hiii 😺

Is this a sideblog and sweetlittlelies is your main? I asked on that blog but she/you didn't answer 🥲

-nonnie

Hey lovely!

No we’re completely separate blogs! I think she’s now deactivated/ in the process of deactivating her account which is why she won’t have answered😢

[buckylove123]

Her secret part 17

Mob!bucky x reader

TW- alcohol consumption, PTSD, angst, fluff, mentions of pregnancy and smut.

———————————

“Y/N?” Bucky’s voice woke you up the next morning “Y/N!? I need you to wake up.”

Your eyes fluttered open from your place on the kitchen floor, your head throbbing and your back aching from spending the night on the cold tiles.

“What are you doing here?” You asked, rubbing your eyes in an attempt to adjust to the light.

“Tommy called me from your phone.” Bucky replied “said you were asleep on the floor and he couldn’t wake you up...I thought...I thought you were...”

“I’m fine.” You sat up “I just had a little too much to drink last night.”

“Jesus Y/N...you passed out on the kitchen floor!” Bucky threw his arms in the air “sounds like you had more than a little too much!”

“Where’s Tommy?” You asked, not responding to Bucky’s accusations.

“Steve took him to the park.” Bucky sighed “c’mon, go get a shower and I’ll make you some coffee.”

You obediently rose to your feet, padding into the bathroom and taking a hot shower in an attempt to get rid of your raging hangover.

——————————

“Want to tell me what’s going on?” Bucky asked once you reappeared in the kitchen wearing some leggings and a jumper.

“Not really.” You shrugged, accepting the hot cup of coffee from him.

“You were out of it!” Bucky raised his voice slightly “what if something would have happened? What if someone broke in!?”

“As long as we’re not connected to you nobody will try and do anything James!” You snapped.

“So that’s what this is about?” Bucky frowned “it’s about us?”

“I just can’t do this.” You sighed “I can’t try and be with you, I wouldn’t feel safe.”

“So your solution is to get drunk like some rowdy college kid and pass out on the kitchen floor?” Bucky snapped.

“I don’t know why you’re acting so high and mighty James.” You spoke back “I know about your little packets of powder you can’t make it through the day without.”

“I haven’t touched that shit in months Y/N!” Bucky shouted “I sobered up and sorted myself out for you!”

“I don’t want you to do it for me!” You shouted back “I want you to do it for yourself, I’m sick of you making me feel like a fucking burden James! It’s like you think I don’t already know that.”

“What are you talking about?” Bucky’s voice suddenly softened “you could never be a burden.”

“I’m so broken, I’m this stupid scared little girl.” You stared down at the brown liquid in your mug “I’m not brave enough to be yours. Your life is dangerous Buck, you need someone that can deal with that danger and I sure as fuck can’t.”

“You wouldn’t need to deal with anything Y/N, I wouldn’t let anything happen to you.” Bucky said.

“You said that after Jacob and look what happened.” You scoffed “I got beaten within an inch of my fucking life because of you! Because of your job!”

“And I’ve told you I’ll give it up!!” Bucky shouted “I told you I’d hand it over to Steve in a heartbeat so you’d feel safe. I don’t know what you want me to do!”

“I don’t want you to do anything!” You shouted back “this isn’t about you, it’s about me. You can’t fix me, you can’t make all the fucking trauma go away. So let me deal with it by myself.”

“You know I can’t wait for you forever.” He said quietly.

“Then go back to Lana.” You said in a frustrated tone “you wouldn’t have to deal with all this shit from her.”

“Of course it’s all going back to Lana!” Bucky ran a hand down his face “I don’t know how many times you want me to apologise. I don’t fucking want her, I want you. It’s always been you.”

“You need to go James.” You felt tears rising in your eyes again “I want you to leave.”

“Y/N…please…just talk to me.” Bucky’s voice was soft, tears swimming in his eyes “just let me in.”

You stared at him for a moment, before falling forwards into his arms and sobs began to rattle through you.

“It’s okay angel.” Bucky stroked your hair as he rocked you “let it all out, I’ve got you.”

“I don’t know what to do.” You whispered against his chest “I just want to be okay.”

“It’s going to be okay sweetheart, you’re so strong.” He said softly “you’re not alone, you’re never alone.”

“I love you James.” You spoke through tears “I love you so much it hurts, it terrifies me.”

“I love you too doll.” He rocked you gently “I wish I could take away all this pain, I wish I could do something.”

“I’m sorry for pushing you away.” You said quietly “I’m sorry for everything.”

“You have nothing to apologise for Y/N.” He reassured you “you’re recovering from what happened, it’s going to take time.”

“I don’t want you to give up on me.” You looked up at him “I don’t want to lose you.”

“You’ll never lose me, I’m sorry for saying I wouldn’t wait. I shouldn’t have said that.” He brushed the hair out of your face “I’d wait forever for you angel.”

“Just…be patient with me James.” Your voice was pleading “let me figure this out on my own.”

“Whatever you need princess.” He kissed your forehead, continuing to rub soothing circles on your back.

———————————

You’d asked Steve to watch Tommy for a while so you and Bucky could go for a walk in the park, you wanted some time away from the apartment and you needed to talk to him in a neutral environment.

“I’m sorry again for my outburst.” You spoke up before taking a sip from your takeout coffee.

“You don’t need to apologise Y/N.” Bucky replied “it had been a stressful couple of days, emotions were running high.”

“I’ve been thinking…about us.” You admitted.

“Go on…” Bucky urged you.

“I think we should try one more time…if it doesn’t work out we call it a day.” You said.

“Okay.” Bucky agreed, trying to contain his excitement “that makes sense.”

“I don’t want anyone to know we’re together.” You continued “and I want to continue living at the apartment where it’s safer.”

“Whatever you want sweetheart.” Bucky smiled, resisting the urge to point out his house was a lot safer than your apartment.

“We need to make sure nobody finds out, it’d put me and Tommy in danger and I’m not willing to let that happen.” You said firmly.

“Nobody will know Y/N.” Bucky reassured you “we can do everything at your pace, whatever you need.”

“Okay.” You looked up at him, a shy smile on your face.

“Does this mean I can kiss you?” Bucky grinned.

“Not when we’re in public James.” You laughed “you can kiss me when we get back.”

“Let’s go back now then.” He said excitedly “it’s been too long since I’ve kissed you angel.”

��—————————

The instant you were back in the apartment Bucky pressed you against the wall and planted a firm kiss to your lips.

You wrapped your arms around his neck, pulling his body as close as possible to yours.

It wasn’t until your felt wetness on your cheeks you realised Bucky was crying.

“You okay James?” You asked softly.

“Just happy doll.” He smiled at you, tracing his thumb over your cheek “so happy that you’re mine, I’m the luckiest man in the world.”

“I love you.” You pressed your forehead against his.

“I love you too angel.” He kissed you again “after…after what dad did I never thought I could be happy, never thought I could have a family of my own. Thank you for giving me that, thank you for showing me what it is to be loved.”

“I’ll always be here for you Buck.” You reassured him “no matter what.”

——————————

Steve had left shortly after your got home, Tommy had requested pizza for dinner. Which Bucky obediently ordered whilst you and Tommy picked out a movie to watch.

Bucky felt excitement rush through him when he saw you eat a substantial amount of food for the first time in months, he’d been worried about you; but you were finally healing.

Tommy was curled up in your arms, fighting to stay awake until the end of his chosen movie.

“Mommy?” He looked up at you innocently.

“Yes baby?” You smiled down at him.

“I’m happy.” He snuggled further into you “I like it when we’re all together.”

“Me too sweetheart.” You kissed his forehead before glancing over to Bucky, sharing a smile with him.

“Let’s get you to bed darling.” You lifted Tommy into your arms once the film had finished, carrying him into his room as Bucky cleared away the pizza boxes.

“Can we go live with daddy again soon?” Tommy asked once he was tucked into bed.

“Not right now baby.” You said softly.

“But maybe one day?” The boy said hopefully.

“Maybe one day.” You confirmed, not knowing if you were telling the truth.

------------------

“Hey doll.” Bucky smiled at you as you re-entered the room. 

“Hey Buck.” You said as you sat beside him, snuggling into his side. 

He wrapped his arms around you, kissing the top of your head before asking what you wanted to do.

“We could watch something?” You suggested. 

“Sure.” Bucky reached for the controller, opening Netflix as he began scrolling through the movies. 

He pressed play on some generic action movie before leaning back to embrace you again. 

“Gimme a kiss angel.” he said after a few minutes. 

You tipped your head up, pressing your lips to his as he cupped your cheek. 

“I’ll never get tired of kissing you.” He said softly “I’ll never get tired of you being mine.”

“I love you James.” You kissed him again, more firmly this time; allowing his tongue to push through your lips and explore your mouth. 

You manoeuvred so you were straddling his lap, still not breaking the kiss. 

“So fucking perfect.” He mumbled against you lips “and all mine”

“All yours.” You confirmed as he began attacking your neck with kisses. 

“Take me to bed James.” You pleaded, feeling your desire for him grow to an almost unbearable level “Make love to me.”

“Anything you want pretty girl.” He lifted you up by the backs of your thighs, allowing you to wrap your legs around his waist as he carried you to the bedroom “I’ll give you the whole fucking world if you ask for it.”

“I just want you.” you said softly as he placed you down on the bed “Want you to make me feel good.”

“I promise I will angel, gonna make you feel all better.” he whispered in the shell of your ear before he began kissing down your body, carefully removing your clothes as he went.

---------------------------

You laid against Bucky’s bare chest, breathing heavily as you attempted to recover from your multiple orgasms. 

“You were so perfect doll, took me so well.” Bucky held you closer, hand skimming over your bare arm “I’ve missed making love to you.” 

“I’ve missed it too.” You traced your fingers against his chest “I never want to live without you James.”

“You won’t have to precious girl.” He reassured you “You’re stuck with me for life.” 

“Good.” You grinned up at him, overwhelmed with happiness. 

“I was thinking...about the future.” Bucky said after a short pause “about when you move back in-”

“I don’t want to move back in anytime soon.” You interrupted him “I need to stay here, I need to keep me and Tommy safe. If I move back in everyone will know we’re back together and we’ll be targets...I can’t let that happen.” 

“You can’t stay here forever angel.” Bucky said softly “People are going to have to find out eventually.”

“I don’t want to think about that right now.” you replied “I just want to enjoy how things are for the moment without worrying about my safety.”

“Okay baby.” Bucky ran his thumb along your cheekbone “Whatever you need, I’m sorry for pushing you.” 

“We’re you going to ask something?” You realised your cut Bucky off before he could finish his sentence. 

“Oh...it doesn’t matter.” His face turned red “Don’t worry about it.”

“Tell me.” You urged him “Please.”

“I...I was just thinking that maybe...maybe one day...” Bucky stammered nervously “Maybe we could have another baby.” 

You immediately sat up, eyes widening. You were definitely not expecting Bucky to ask that question. 

“I’m sorry...I shouldn’t have said anything sweetheart.” Bucky sensed your panic “Let’s just pretend that never happened.”

“I’m not against the idea.” You said slowly “I’m just surprised it’s what you want.” 

“Of course I want it babe.” Bucky reached out to take your hand in his “Our family is everything to me, and the prospect of our family growing one day is the most amazing thing I can imagine.” 

“We’d have to go public if we had another baby.” You pondered.

“We would.” Bucky confirmed. 

“Can I think about it?” You asked “I’m not saying yes or no...I just need to think.” 

“Of course angel.” Bucky reassured you “it was just a thought, no pressure.”

---------------------

The next morning you pottered happily around the apartment whilst Tommy played in his bedroom. Bucky had left for a meeting first thing, so when his name flashed on the screen of your phone you scrambled to answer it, excited to speak to him. 

“Hi James.” You said excitedly. 

“Hi princess.” He greeted you “Can you and Tommy be ready to go out in 30 minutes? I’ve got something planned.”

“We can’t Bucky.” You argued “People will see us.”

“Nobody will see us angel, just trust me.” He said softly. 

“Okay.” You sighed “I’ll see you in 30 minutes.”

“See you then pretty girl.” He said before hanging up the phone.

“C’mon Tommy, we need to get you dressed sweetheart.” You entered your sons room “daddy’s taking us out for the day.”

When you heard a knock at the door you went over to answer it, Bucky was standing in the doorway holding a bunch of flowers.

“For you angel.” He handed them to you before planting a soft kiss on your lips.

“They’re beautiful James.” You smiled.

“Not as beautiful as you.” He grinned.

“You’re such a sap.” You laughed, despite your cheeks turning slightly pink “let me go put them in a vase then we can go.”

Bucky followed you into the kitchen where you began arranging the flowers. Tommy came running in, immediately jumping into his fathers arms and peppering his face with kisses.

“Where are we going daddy?” He asked excitedly.

“It’s a surprise buddy.” Bucky said.

“I love surprises!” Tommy kicked his legs excitedly.

“Okay, let’s go.” You placed the vase on your dining room table before grabbing your purse and leading the way to the car.

———————————

After a 30 minute drive you pulled up outside an aquarium.

“James we can’t go in there!” You turned to him “people will see us!”

“Relax angel.” He said softly “nobody will see us.”

“And how do you know that?” You were frustrated.

“Hired the whole place out.” He grinned “it’ll just be us.”

“Oh…well…let’s go in I suppose.” You got out of the car to open Tommy’s door and help him out of his booster seat.

Tommy immediately ran around to hold hands with his father, jumping up and down excitedly at the prospect of seeing the fishes.

Bucky kept him arm wrapped around your waist as you walked around the aquarium, listening to Tommy chatter excitedly about the fishes.

You planted a soft kiss on his lips before you got back into the car.

“Thank you for today James.” You smiled up at him “it’s been perfect.”

“No problem angel.” Bucky rubbed your cheek with his thumb “I’m glad you enjoyed it.”

———————————

Across town a man sat behind him mahogany desk, twiddling his thumbs and awaiting a phone call.

“Any news?” He asked as soon as his phone began to ring.

“Looks like they’re back together.” A voice sounded through the speaker “saw then kissing in the parking lot of some aquarium.”

“You’re sure it was her?” The man asked.

“Positive.” The other voice spoke “the kid was there too.”

“Good work.” He complemented “time to finish what Pierce started.”

——————————————

A/N- Sorry for the delay in posting this part, I was taken back into hospital so haven’t done any writing in ages! I’m struggling a lot with motivation to continue this story so any feedback is hugely appreciated❤️

Tags- @missingartist96 @vicmc624 @nefri-black @wanniiieeee @madddiiee26 @misschino @what-is-your-wish @intothesoul @coffeebooksandfandom @kyn-lyn-blog @5jacobm5 @supremacybucky @aquamariene-me @heavenhatesme @spookyparadisesheep @juliesland @goodcleanfunsis @oceaniamaddness @impala1967666 @cap-just-said-language @austynparksandpizza @ironmansuucks @sebastianstansqueen @pineprincess @flawra16 @ximaginx @broadwaybabe18 @kyleeisahotmess

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky fanfic #bucky barnes fanfic #bucky x you #bucky x fem!reader #bucky x female reader #protective!bucky #mob!bucky x reader #mafia!bucky x reader #mob!bucky #mafia!bucky #dad!bucky

[buckylove123]

Dropping by just to send you so much love bestie! 💛💛💛

Ahh love you so much angel❤️❤️❤️

[buckylove123]

1k sleepover!!!

firstly, i want to thank all of you lovely people for 1k. i couldn’t be more grateful for all of you and it boggles me that there’s one thousand of you voluntarily following me😳🥺

so, here’s what i’m doing to celebrate 1k....

a sleepover!!!!

it goes as follows:

it will run from the 16th June to the 18th June!

you can:

send in asks -> (anything about me, ask games, ask anything about my writing, anything you have on your mind)

ask questions -> (would you rather, fmk ((kiss or kill ;)) with any of seb or chris’ characters or any marvel characters), send any thots that you have about any characters

send in drabble requests -> make them as specific as you like, about any character i write for!! i’ll write pretty much anything so go wild (if i don’t get around to yours i will write it after and it will probably be posted the following night!)

send in concepts or thoughts that you have -> could be a certain trope, au or anything really, and i’ll give u my thoughts on it too!

also,,, please rb to get the word out! bc if i do this and no one asks anything i’ll be mortified lmfao

tagging some moots (soz lol)

@mianorth @goaskbarnes @mypalbuck @buckybarnesthehotshot @belladonnabarnes @buckyblues @buckysbbyy @blackberrybucky @teddybearbucky @elijahs-wife @wintersfilm @egcdeath @buckylove123 @winter-james @jurassicbarnes @uprootbasic @buckyshattergirl @thefanbasewhore @peterssweetpea @bitchassbucky @ritesofreverie @buckysbabyyy @itsapeterthing @lokiscollar @tinymalscoffee @bvckysmoon @bucks-bunny @avengerslittleprincess @cloudystevie @sableseb @fuckandfluff

[buckylove123]

Such a great latest chapter babe! Don't feel disappointed by it at all, it was amazing as always. Your writing is so good and I'm loving the developments in the story! Give yourself more credit because you deserve it!! 💛

Ahh thank you angel!! So much love❤️❤️❤️❤️

[buckylove123]

I love her secret !!! My heart broke the last chapter!!! I was Jw if you know how many chapters there will be and if reader and Bucky are actually going to end up together ?!?

Thank you so much!! I’m not sure exactly how many chapters there will be, probably another 3 or 4 depending on how the story goes! At the moment I’m planning on a happy ending, there’s been so much angst I don’t think I’d want it to be any other way x

[buckylove123]

hi!! i just wanted to say that you are definitely my favorite writer and i love ‘her secret’ i always her so excited when i see a new part posted

Omg this made me cry🥺 thank you so much lovely x

[buckylove123]

I honestly love the new chapter of Her Secret so much, I’m really sorry that you didn’t like it.

I thought there was a really nice parent - child relationship there, like them telling Tommy that he could go to them if he was troubled or getting bullied about anything, just 🤌🤌🤌

Also - that ending! That was so brilliantly written, the whole ‘you knew you would have to give up the love of your life in order to protect your son and yourself’ that was - so powerful. I hope your finding things easier now and feeling better ❤️❤️

Omg thank you so much babe, it means so much❤️

Despite them both dealing with some really shitty things they still want to prioritise Tommy and be good parents which I love🥺

I honestly can’t thank you enough for sending this ask, I was feeling so unmotivated but now I just want to get on and write the next part!!😘😘 x

[buckylove123]

Hiii! I just wanted to say that I'm having a lot of fun with "Her Secret"! I really like how you show the reader struggling with the mental health consequences after everything she's been through, but I must admit I get very angry with bucky's attitudes and reactions sometimes hahahaha

Thank you so much!! I tried to make readers feelings as realistic as possible, and I don’t think she’d have been able to move on from what happened immediately despite still loving Bucky! Omg I get so annoyed at Bucky, but I also feel for him because he’s working through his own trauma and doesn’t know how to process his emotions properly. Thank you for reading💞

[buckylove123]

Her secret part 16

Mob!bucky x reader

TW- angst, PTSD, mentions of violence and sexual assault, swearing, bullying, alcohol abuse, anxiety, nightmares, mentions of child abuse (I think that’s everything!)

—————————

You’d been obsessing over what had happened between you and Bucky for the past few days, constantly replaying it in your head and doing everything in your power to avoid discussing it with him.

Tommy was at nursery, and you should have been doing some work. Instead you’d spent the morning staring at your phone, secretly hoping that Bucky would call you.

You finally gave in and began looking through the stack of paperwork that was currently spread across your table, when your phone began to ring.

“Hello.” You answered almost immediately.

“Hello, could I please speak with Ms. Y/L/N?” A voice sounded through the other end.

“That’s me.” You were secretly disappointed it wasn’t Bucky calling you, but did your best not to show the disappointment in your voice “how can I help?”

“It’s Mrs. Naylor here, I’m Tommy’s teacher at nursery.” She said politely.

“Is he okay? Did something happen?” You began to panic.

“He’s absolutely fine Ms. Y/L/N.” She reassured you “but I was wondering if you could come in so we could talk? There have been a few issues I’d like to discuss with you.”

“Oh...yes of course.” You began to run through possible scenarios in your mind, Tommy was always extremely well behaved so you found it hard to come to the conclusion he was in trouble. Maybe he was falling behind on his class work? But how much work could a 4 year old have?

“Perhaps you could come in for around 2pm?” The woman interrupted your train of thought.

“That’s fine.” You kept your voice calm “I’ll be there.”

“Great, I’ll see you then Ms. Y/L/N.” The woman said kindly before hanging up the phone.

——————————

You dialled Bucky’s number as soon as she’s hung up the phone.

“Hey Y/N.” He greeted as he answered “is everything okay?”

“I...I think so.” You said with a tone of uncertainty “are you free at 2pm?”

“I’m supposed to be dealing with a...situation.” Bucky said delicately “but I’m sure Steve can handle it if you need me.”

“Tommy’s teacher just called asking me to come in and speak to her, she didn’t say what it was about.” You said anxiously “I just thought you might want to come.”

“Of course I’ll be there.” Bucky said softly “I’ll pick you up around 1:30?”

“Thanks James.” You were relieved he would be with you, not wanting to deal with whatever it was alone.

You had 45 minutes before Bucky would be picking you up, so decided to attempt to make yourself presentable for the meeting with his teacher.

After a quick shower you blowdried your hair, before swiping on some mascara and dabbing on some concealer in an attempt to hide the bags under your eyes. You pulled on your favourite mid length sundress and slipped into some comfortable sandals before grabbing your purse and leaving the apartment to wait for Bucky to arrive.

———————————

Bucky was pulling up in his Range Rover as you stepped out of your building. Your heart skipped a beat when he got out of the car to walk around and hold your door open for you.

He looked good, like always. He wore a navy blue suit with a white button down, his designer sunglasses shading his eyes and his signature rings on his fingers. You tried not to stare, and instead thanked him for opening to door for you.

“You look beautiful today Y/N.” He said as he took his place in the drivers seat “just like you always do.”

“Thank you.” You couldn’t help the blush that crept it’s way onto your cheeks “I hope I haven’t taken you away from anything important at work?”

“Nothing will ever be as important to me as you and Tommy.” His voice was soft “you’re both my priority, work comes second.”

There was a time when work was all Bucky cared about, and you were lucky if you got to see him for more than an hour at a time. You could see that he was working on becoming a better person. You missed him, you missed being a family.

“James?” You spoke up once you were around half way there “I wanted to talk to you...about the other night.”

“Sure.” Bucky tried not to show how nervous he was “what is it?”

“I...well I wanted to thank you for being there for me and Tommy through everything.” You said softly.

“It’s my job sweetheart.” Bucky responded “you’re the most important people in my life.”

“I was thinking that maybe...maybe we could try again?” Your voice was quiet “If you still want to I mean.”

“Of course I want to darling!” A huge grin appeared on Bucky’s face “are you sure?”

“I’m sure.” You nodded “but I want us to take it slow, maybe go on some dates and figure things out from there.”

“Whatever you want angel.” Bucky reached over for your hand, planting a kiss to your knuckles “thank you for giving me another chance Y/N...I won’t let you down.”

———————————

When you arrived at Tommy’s nursery you began to feel anxious, worrying about what could have possibly been happening that would warrant a meeting with his teacher.

You fiddled nervously with your fingers, a nervous habit of yours. Bucky clearly noticed, taking your hands in his and rubbing soothing circles on your skin in an attempt to calm you.

“Ms Y/L/N?” A voice sounded from behind you.

You promptly turned around, met with the sight of Tommy’s teacher who had a polite smile on her face...at least until she noticed Bucky.

“Oh...Mr.Barnes sir...” her voice was shaky “I wasn’t aware you’d be coming too.”

“He’s my son isn’t he?” Bucky snapped “why wouldn’t I be here?”

“Of course! I’m so sorry if I caused any offence.” The teacher stammered “please forgive me...would you both follow me this way?”

You followed her down the corridor and into a small conference room, your hand still planted firmly in Bucky’s.

“I wanted to talk to you about Tommy.” She said once you were all sat down.

“Is he okay?” You asked “is he in some kind of trouble?”

“There was an incident today with another child.” The woman spoke cautiously.

“What happened?” Bucky demanded.

“He pushed a boy called Gabriel over...after we’d spoken to both children it turned out that Gabriel had been making some...comments that Tommy found upsetting.” She explained.

“What kind of comments?” You asked.

She eyed Bucky nervously before clearing her throat and speaking.

“It was about the nature of Mr.Barnes’ work.” She finally said.

Bucky fist clenched under the table, something you immediately noticed.

“And what did this kid say exactly?” Bucky’s voice remained calm.

“I’d rather not go into details...” she said politely.

“I asked a fucking question.” Bucky spat.

“James!” You turned to him “don’t speak to her like that, she’s just doing her job!”

“What did he say?” Bucky demanded again, ignoring you completely.

“I...I don’t want any trouble.” The teacher had fear written across her face.

“There won’t be any trouble if you answer my fucking question.” Bucky’s jaw clenched, he was become more and more frustrated.

“Get out James!” You finally shouted “if you won’t have an adult conversation you can wait outside.”

“Of course Y/N.” Bucky turned his anger on you “treat me like a piece of fucking shit as usual.”

“I want you out of here whilst we have this conversation.” You said firmly “if you don’t leave I’ll call the police myself.”

“You’re fucking pathetic.” Bucky spat “I’ll just wait in the car then.”

You didn’t speak again until bucky had left the room.

“I apologise for his behaviour.” You addressed the teacher “it’s truly inexcusable, and I’ll be telling him that.”

“Please don’t apologise Ms. Y/L/N.” She looked much more at ease now bucky had left.

“I would like to know what Gabriel said to Tommy.” You spoke up again.

“Of course.” She nodded “it may be upsetting...and I would ask that you do your best to stay calm.”

“Of course.” You nodded.

“It would appear that Gabriel started by informing Tommy that his father is a murderer and criminal, as you can imagine Tommy found this incredibly upsetting...but he didn’t retaliate until....” She spoke slowly, as if she was waiting for something terrible to happen.

“Until what? Did he say anything else?” You asked.

“He also said...and please excuse me saying this...but he said that you were his fathers whore, and that he had lots of other women and children besides the two of you.” She took a deep breath after she’d finished speaking.

“I see.” You held back the tears threatening to form in your eyes “I’m assuming he didn’t come to these conclusions on his own.”

“His parents have been called in.” She said softly “apparently Gabriel was listening in on a conversation between his parents without their knowledge...I think it would be best if Mr. Barnes wasn’t aware of that part...I don’t want anything to happen to Gabriel’s parents.”

“It will stay between us.” You reassured her.

“Thank you.” She said kindly “the parents have been informed that we won’t tolerate that kind of behaviour, and they’ve assured me it won’t happen again. Gabriel has been suspended for 2 days, but we do also need to discipline Tommy for his actions.”

“I’ll speak to him this evening.” You said calmly “regardless of what the other child said he shouldn’t have been violent...he needs to know that.”

“Thank you for your support Ms. Y/L/N.” She smiled kindly at you “and please accept my apologies that this situation ever happened.”

“Children can be cruel.” You let out a sigh “what happened was out of your control, but thank you for your apology. Will Tommy also be suspended?”

“That would be the usual procedure.” She nodded “some of the staff are slightly concerned that we may face some retaliation from Mr. Barnes if Tommy were to be suspended.”

“You don’t have to worry about anything like that.” You quickly responded “If the other child has been punished it’s only right that Tommy should be too.”

“Thank you for your support.” She let out a breath of relief “Tommy will be suspended for the rest of the week, on his return we’ll organise a meeting with Gabriel so they both have the opportunity to apologise to eachother.”

“Would you mind if I go and have a word with his father before I come back in to collect Tommy?” You asked “It’s only fair he be aware of the situation.”

“Of course.” She agreed, rising to her feet and leading you out of the room.

——————————

“James!” You shouted as you approached the car “you’re an absolute fucking-“

The words died in your throat when you saw him sat in the car, his forehead resting on the steering wheel as tears streamed down his face.

“James?” Your voice was quieter now.

“I’m so fucking sorry Y/N.” He spoke through tears “this is all my fault...my sons getting a hard time at nursery because of me...you both deserve better...you deserve so much better.”

You didn’t know what to say, instead sitting beside him and taking his hand in yours.

“You were right.” He spoke up again “you were right to keep him away from me, I’ll end up ruining his whole fucking life because of this stupid job.”

“James you need to calm down.” You kept your voice soft, rubbing circles over the back of his hand.

“What if I end up like my dad Y/N?” His voice cracked as he finally looked you in the eye “I don’t want him to hate me.”

“You’re nothing like your father.” You reassured him “he was a terrible person, he hurt you. You’d never hurt us, we both know it.”

“I shouldn’t have shouted at his teacher like that.” Bucky spoke again “I was just so angry, I don’t want anyone to ever upset him like that.”

“I know you were angry, I was angry too.” You continued rubbing circles over the back of his hand “but what you did back there was completely unacceptable, she didn’t deserve that.”

“I know, I know that.” He nodded, wiping away his tears with his free hand “I’ll go in and apologise, I just need to sort myself out first.”

“Tommy’s been suspended.” You blurted out “for the rest of the week.”

“Okay.” Bucky nodded “we’ll have a proper chat with him tonight...we’ll talk about everything.”

——————————

You noticed immediately the way the teachers face fell when she saw you re-enter with Bucky by your side, who now had his sunglasses covering his eyes so nobody would know he’d been crying.

“Mrs. Naylor.” Bucky strode towards her.

“Y-yes sir?” She trembled “I’m sorry about the suspension...we...we don’t have to go ahead with it. I’m so sorry if you’re angry Mr. Barnes.”

“I wanted to apologise for my behaviour.” Bucky said sincerely “you were just doing your job and I made it a lot more difficult for you, I was in the wrong and I hope you can accept my apology.”

“Oh...of course.” She stammered out “it’s no problem at all.”

“I also want to reassure you that we’ll be speaking with Tommy and making sure he knows his behaviour was unacceptable, it won’t happen again.” Bucky spoke again.

“Thank you Mr. Barnes.” She composed herself enough to speak without stuttering as she ushered you both down the corridor towards your son.

———————————

Tommy remained silent for the duration of the journey back to your apartment, staring at his lap and ignoring the presence of his parents.

When you pulled up Bucky offered his hand to help Tommy out of the seat, but he refused and instead waited for you to walk around to assist him.

“We need to talk Tommy.” You said once the three of you were sat on the sofa in your living room.

“Okay.” Tommy’s voice was quiet.

“I understand that Gabriel said some really nasty things to you, and he was wrong for that.” You looked at your son as you spoke “but pushing him was wrong, regardless of what he did you should never do that.”

“If someone says something upsetting you need to get a teacher pal.” Bucky interjected “you can’t be hurting people, it’s not right.”

“Okay.” He said quietly, tears brimming in his eyes.

“Is there anything you want to talk to us about sweetheart?” You asked, immediately noticing your sons distress.

“What’s a whore?” He finally met your eye, a curious look on his face.

“A whore is...well it’s a not very nice word.” You said cautiously.

“It’s a word for a woman who has lots of boyfriends.” Bucky interjected “it’s a very nasty word that nobody should use.”

“Is mommy a whore?” He asked.

“No.” Bucky said firmly, anger rising within him at the mere thought of anyone using that word to describe you “she’s most definitely not.”

“Why did Gabriel say that she was one then?” Tommy looked confused.

“Sometimes people will say things about people that aren’t true to try and be hurtful darling.” You said softly “if anyone ever says anything that makes you angry or upset you need to tell me or daddy, and if you’re at nursery you need to tell your teacher.”

“Okay.” Tommy nodded

“Is there anything else you’d like to talk about darling?” You asked your son.

“Does daddy really hurt people?” Tommy’s voice wavered as he spoke, tears finally beginning to fall “does he do bad things?”

“Your daddy’s job is...complicated.” You said calmly as you took Tommy into your arms “you don’t need to worry about it right now.”

“Daddy?” Tommy looked up at his father, silently pleading him to tell the truth.

“I’ve...I’ve done some things which are bad Tommy.” Bucky said cautiously “but I’ve changed now, I’ve changed for you and mommy.”

“Okay.” Tommy nodded slowly.

“I love you both more than anything in the world sweetheart.” Bucky reached over to wrap his arms around the two of you “and I’m sorry that you had to hear your friend say those nasty things...that shouldn’t have happened.”

“I love you too daddy.” Tommy snuggled into your embrace.

——————————

“You okay?” Bucky asked when he returned from putting his son to bed, noticing you standing in the kitchen staring blankly at the bottle of wine on the side.

“Yeah...yeah I’m fine.” You forced a smile on your face “how are you?”

“Feeling guilty.” Bucky said honestly “I feel like I’ve fucked everything up between us.”

“You shouldn’t feel guilty James.” You said softly “it’s not your fault.”

“I just want him to be happy.” Bucky sighed “I hate the thought of him being bullied.”

“Things were bound to be complicated for him, especially because of what you do for a living.” You realised once you’d spoken that your words were harsh.

“I’m sorry.” Bucky whispered.

“I wish things were different.” You took a step closer, taking his hand in yours.

“Does this mean things are over between us?” Bucky sounded heartbroken.

“I...I don’t know.” You answered “I just want what’s best for Tommy, I just want him to be happy and safe.”

“And that can’t happen with me in your lives?” Bucky asked.

“I don’t know.” You repeated “I genuinely don’t know anymore.”

“I should go Y/N.” Bucky said softly “I’ll give you time to think...just know I’ll be waiting...I’ll always love you.”

“I’ll always love you too James.” You whispered.

“I can’t wait forever sweetheart.” Bucky said after a slight pause “I need to know where we stand, if there’s even a chance we’ll get back together.”

You didn’t respond, instead turning away to face the counter as Bucky took this as his cue to go home, he gathered his things and left; you were alone again.

You sat crossed legged on your kitchen floor, wine in your hand as you thought about your history with Bucky.

You thought about your first date, how he’d bought you flowers and told you that you looked beautiful. You thought about your relationship, the nights you’d spend dancing around in the kitchen and laughing together into the early hours of the morning.

Then you thought about finding him cheating on you. You thought about the fact he’d left and never tried to come back. You thought about how you’d cried as you stared at the positive pregnancy test hiding in your bag.

You thought about how you were raped by Jacob, and how you were beaten by Pierce. You thought about the sleepless nights and the flashbacks, the crippling anxiety and the constant feeling of hopelessness.

You thought about how these traumas wouldn’t have happened if you hadn’t got back together with Bucky, you thought about the possibility of these things happening to your son. You had to protect your boy, he was your priority.

You silently cried to yourself as you decided that you’d have to give up the love of your life to keep yourself and your son safe, your heart broke as you drank until you passed out.

You knew Bucky would be devastated, your final thought before drifting into unconsciousness being that you would speak to him tomorrow, at least then he could move on and be happy.

——————————

A/N- I’m sorry, this is the worst thing I’ve ever written🤣 I did contemplate deleting this part and starting it again but it sets out some important parts for the next chapters. Sorry again if it’s a massive disappointment!

Tag- @missingartist96 @vicmc624 @nefri-black @wanniiieeee @firedancer016 @madddiiee26 @misschino @what-is-your-wish @intothesoul @coffeebooksandfandom @kyn-lyn-blog @5jacobm5 @supremacybucky @aquamariene-me @heavenhatesme @spookyparadisesheep @juliesland @goodcleanfunsis @oceaniamaddness @impala1967666 @cap-just-said-language @austynparksandpizza @ironmansuucks @sebastianstansqueen @pineprincess @flawra16 @ximaginx @broadwaybabe18

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky fanfic #bucky x you #bucky barnes fanfic #bucky x fem!reader #bucky x female reader #protective!bucky #mob!bucky x reader #mob!bucky #mafia!bucky x reader #mafia!bucky #dad!bucky

[buckylove123]

🌺 send this to ten bloggers you think are wonderful. keep the game going 🌺

Omg thank you so much🥺🥺🥺

[buckylove123]

i hope your having a good day😘 I can’t wait for the next chapter of her secret x

Hey lovely! Thank you so much, I’ve had a really shitty couple of days so I haven’t done any writing, but I promise I’ll try my hardest to get the next chapter done this weekend. Thank you for being patient with me🥰x

[buckylove123]

I been checking everyday for an update 🤭 I love your writing 💞

I see you online when I'm check- you read other stories yourself too? X

Ahh thank you lovely! I’ve not done much writing recently but I’ll try and get the new chapter done as soon as possible!❤️

Yes I do, there’s so many amazingly talented writers on here and I love reading their work!x