broken-tides-trembling-seas

[broken-tides-trembling-seas]

It's hard to feel in negatives, when your heart aches and your stomach twists. My mind screams at me, my body wants to shut down and cry. Screw what people say, how depression is a fleeting thing. I've been struggling with it since I was a child, it's one of the few things in my life that remains a constant. I just hate when it draws me to a dark place, one where I want to shut away and cease to exist.

#vent tag #vent post #vent #stranger #writer #write #wrote #depression write #depression

[broken-tides-trembling-seas]

It's interesting, to feel as if something in you was set free.. I stopped the antidepressants I was on (under doctor supervision), and I can feel again. The meds I was on caused a few side effects, the nastiest was that while it numbed the bad, it also numbed the good. I was a shell of who I was, I wasn't living, I didn't care about anything. I existed to exist, and there were days I just wanted to not. It wasn't easy coming off the meds either, that in itself was its own battle. I struggled with waves of highs and lows that I had no control of, nasty withdraws that forced me to go extremely slow on coming off because my body was so dependent. I also took myself off other medications (that I was medically allowed to stop anytime I wished unrelated to mental health), and my body feels so good to finally have itself back. I'm learning to cope with my mental health in other ways, but I honestly can say that I feel better then I've been in a long while. My body is still fighting low grade withdraws, and while I hate that part, I say the good outweighs the bad. This will probably get lost in the sea that is Tumblr, but I felt I should write my progress somewhere. Hence this small little blog. I also felt the need to share my experience, for whatever reason.

#mental #health #mental health #mentalheathawareness #anxiety #depression #write #writer #writers #wrote #panic #panic attack #panic attacks #rant #blog

[broken-tides-trembling-seas]

... why?

#meaning #writers #writer #wrote #write #mental health #mentalheathawareness #post #vent #lost #existence

[broken-tides-trembling-seas]

I find myself wondering why I'm even alive, when I know a part of me died at 17, and each year since feels like another part followed.

[broken-tides-trembling-seas]

Today was hard, still is hard, one of the worst days I've had in a while. I'm filled with so much sorrow, so much pain, so much mental torment. I hate this feeling, this agony, I hate the people that plague this world with their hate. I wish this day wasn't filled with so much unfortunate events that spiraled one after another. That my day didn't end with heartache.

Yet here I am, here I still breathe, fighting to stay afloat and for the first time in a while finding myself utterly drowning.

#vent tag #vent post #vent #stranger #rant

[broken-tides-trembling-seas]

It hurts to know that there's something undoubtedly, unfathomably, oh so terribly broken within me that can't ever hope to be fixed.

It's this knowledge that has me wishing to cease to exist, because I'm nothing but a waste of air and space.

The kicker? I also don't want my existence to cease.

I'm nothing but a walking conundrum, and I hate that I'm tethering on a fraying rope with no end in sight.

#depression write #writes #writer #writing #written #depression #writers #wrote #anxiety #mentalheathawareness #mental health #mentally ill #why #vlog #thought #thoughts #write #post #vent tag #vent #vent post

[broken-tides-trembling-seas]

What is this feeling,

That boils within?

This poisonous mixture,

This toxic concoction.

It threatens to tear me from inside out,

Threatens to slowly eat at me.

My mind screaming,

My soul caving.

My body on autopilot,

My mind begging for freedom.

Shackled by the whims of anxiety,

Bound by the darkness known as depression.

#write #writes #wrote #writer #writers #writing #something #stranger #depression #anxiety #vent tag #vent post #vent #post #mentalheathawareness #mental health #poem #poetry

[broken-tides-trembling-seas]

My mind shackles me,

My own personal prison.

It rewinds and plays my fears,

Whispers hate filled atrocities.

It fills me with a negative concoction,

My own brand of poison.

Causing me to spiral,

Causing me to drown in depression.

I try to breathe,

To swim amidst the emotional storm.

But I'm trapped beneath the waves,

Locked as the current drags me deeper in my mental sea.

#write #writers #writer #written #my writing #poem #poems #vent #vent tag #vent post #poetry #stranger #mental health #mentalheathawareness

[broken-tides-trembling-seas]

It's like a weight the sinks your heart,

Your soul like an anchor.

It's like a shround the blocks the world,

Your eyes from the idea of living.

You feel a gut wrenching sorrow,

An earth shattering inner torment.

And you feel shackled,

Bound by the darkness that clings like a parasitic leech.

An ache that runs deep,

Scars long healed over.

And yet here you stand,

Here you still bleed.

Each breathe wrecked with defeat,

Yet the mind gearing for the coming battle.

A war that rages on,

A fight that you can't escape.

#poem #poems #post #poetry #rant #blog #wrote #write #writes #written #stranger #random #war #fight #inner #turmoil #vent tag #vent #vent post

[broken-tides-trembling-seas]

It's hard to let yourself go,

To breath possibilities.

When all you've known,

All you've been were a series of tragedies.

The first breath of fresh air through the emotional smog,

The first gasps of a life long forgotten,

Nothing compares to a world lifted that was once thought of in only greys.

A world that once threatened to suffocate you.

So to see the vibrant stars,

To feel the warmth of the dawning sun,

To feel what once was blinded from you,

That's a whole knew meaning of freedom.

A whole new meaning to living,

Not just a soul merely surviving.

#poem #poems #poetry #soul #souls #living #surviving #forgotten #wrote #write #writer #writers #written #survivor #depression #anxiety #sun #cloud #smog #clouds #breath #breathing #breathes #it gets better #keepgoing #keep fighting #this is not the end #stay strong

[broken-tides-trembling-seas]

Trauma Blocked

It's scary to think,

That I might be a victim to memories forgotten.

Trauma blocked away,

Dread fills at the thought of moving past to what's hidden within.

My subconscious knows,

But I don't.

I want to learn,

Remove what I've hidden.

But all the same,

If my subconscious deemed it too much.

Then maybe its best,

To keep what's forgotten burried.

#trauma #block #trauma block #post #write #writer #writers #writing #written #vent #vent post #memories #memory #forgot #forgotten #lost #vlog

[broken-tides-trembling-seas]

It's hard to put into words exactly how I mostly feel, like a void that consumes but never fills. Like a roaring sea that rages but eventually stills. Like the cloudless skies at night, each day different yet the view remains. I'm nothing but something all at once, and it's frustrating to feel so locked away but also oh so broken.

#vent post #vent tag #vent #words #thoughts #write #writing #writer #something #nothing

[broken-tides-trembling-seas]

The brain is an odd thing, one moment everything can be ok, and the next my body feels as if it's caving in on itself. There's two parts: my mental illness, and cold cut logic. Funny enough the mental illness seems to marginally, if not always, win. I sit here and I know, I understand, yet everything screams at me that I'm wrong. Who needs enemies when I'm my greatest foe?

#vent #vent tag #vent post #write #writer #writing #thoughts #thought