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britney62 · 2 years
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Matt: So, uh, you guys comin' to my party?
Aaron: Who?
Matt: You guys.
Aaron: It's just me— *notices the mirror beside them and fist bumps it* oh what up, you going?
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britney62 · 2 years
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Police Officer: You have the right to remain silent.
Simon: I choose to waive that right!
Simon: *Screaming*
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britney62 · 2 years
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June: That awkward moment when you're scrolling through someone's old Instagram posts and you accidentally comment the entire Declaration of Independence.
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britney62 · 2 years
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Andrew at Sweetie's: It's a dinner rush and the restaurant's full, but we want to be seated immediately.
Waitress: DONE AND DONE LET ME PULL THE TABLE OUT OF MY ASS—
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britney62 · 2 years
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Simon: Is that vodka?
Baz: Yeah.
Penny: Straight?
Baz: No, gay.
Penny: The vODKA NOT YOU!
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britney62 · 2 years
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June: Don't tell your mother :)
Nora: Kiss one another :)
June: DIE FOR EACH OTHER—
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britney62 · 2 years
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Neil: Looking good, Minyard.
Andrew: We've been together for 3 years and you still call me by my surname?
Neil: Oh, I was talking about myself.
Andrew:
Neil:
Andrew: Oh.
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britney62 · 2 years
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Simon: *petting a dog* Aww you're adorable and so cute and beautif-
Baz: Are you cheating on me?
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britney62 · 2 years
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Henry, opening a Capri Sun: Guess I'll drink my sorrows away.
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britney62 · 2 years
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Andrew: I'll destroy everything you love.
Neil: What if I love you?
Andrew, doing finger guns: Joke's on you, I've been self destructive my entire life.
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britney62 · 2 years
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Penny: Tbh, I am an extremely chill person, as long as things go exactly the way I need and expect them to every day.
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britney62 · 2 years
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Nora: I need to dye my hair.
Alex: ...
Nora: Or get a tattoo.
Alex: ...
Nora: Or a piercing.
Alex: Why?
Nora: To, you know, appease the mental breakdown Gods.
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britney62 · 2 years
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This is exactly how I'd describe Andreil from aftg and I'm so happy I found this post no one touch me.
There is one particular ship dynamic that never fails to wreck me, and I’ll call it Soulmates, But Not Like That. Not in a “some higher power has decided that we are destined to be together” way, but something that is almost the opposite of that. It’s that character who has been alone for a long time, and has maybe convinced themselves that they will be alone forever, and who has a lot of barriers to intimacy with most of the people around them, for whatever the relevant narrative reasons are. And then they just happen to cross paths with this ONE FUCKING PERSON who works for them, through some very specific combination of personality and circumstance and life experience and mutually compatible damage. And there is always the shock of what are the fucking odds, and underneath everything the terror of what if this doesn’t last. what if there’s no one else. I would just go back to being alone. I don’t know if I could do that after knowing this. Because when you finally let down that wall of emotional self-sufficiency the thought of having to put it back up again is painful. And in real life I don’t at all believe that there is only One Designated Person for anyone, but in fiction I do tend to gravitate toward characters who believe themselves to be The Only One in some way, and I will always be emotionally compromised by that dawning sense of oh. You are like me.
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britney62 · 2 years
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Simon: The last time I went to an urgent care clinic, I checked off 'excessive crying' on the symptom list, and then the nurse got really confused and said that was meant for babies.
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britney62 · 2 years
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Asami during the whole tlok: Get in, loser, we’re committing vehicular manslaughter!
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britney62 · 2 years
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Nicky: I just found out that humans are capable of fitting a light bulb into their mouth with ease but can’t take it out without shattering it, and now I have to physically restrain myself from putting a light bulb in my mouth
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britney62 · 2 years
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Nora: Blackmail is such an ugly word. I prefer extortion. The X makes it sound cool.
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