bitterjadedandblogging

[bitterjadedandblogging]

turmoiling at 2:00 am

[bitterjadedandblogging]

i am definitely not flourishing

#blog #journal #personal #writing

[bitterjadedandblogging]

just out here pretending im not depressed when really, im so fucking depressed

#blog #journal #personal #writing #mentalhealth

[bitterjadedandblogging]

Wow give me a couple ounces of opportunity and it all doesn’t seem so bad. Birds have to be taught how to fly.

#blog #journal #personal #writing #mentalhealth #thoughts

[bitterjadedandblogging]

How can I find a place in the world within a society that I don’t believe in?

#blog #journal #personal #writing #mentalhealth #depression #anxiety #thoughts

[bitterjadedandblogging]

I have no fucking idea what I’m doing and I’m terrified.

#blog #journal #personal #writing #mentalhealth #quotes #depression #anxiety

[bitterjadedandblogging]

Instantly regret every single decision you make and feel horribly self conscious about putting yourself out there.

#blog #journal #personal #writing #mentalhealth #bipolar #depression

[bitterjadedandblogging]

But instead I will just hangout with myself, better alone than with bad company.

#blog #journal #personal

[bitterjadedandblogging]

I want to hangout with someone I haven’t met yet.

#blog #journal #personal

[bitterjadedandblogging]

Today wasn't terrible, a little bit of sun goes a long way. 

#personal #blog #journal #depression

[bitterjadedandblogging]

#blog #journal #personal #death #spam #skeleton

[bitterjadedandblogging]

When did I forget how to be my own best friend?

#blog #journal #personal #depression

[bitterjadedandblogging]

I’m really good at being alone but sometimes I miss having another half.

#blog #journal #personal #depression #relationships

[bitterjadedandblogging]

Lonely but also emotionally and physically unavailable.

#blog #journal #personal #depression

[bitterjadedandblogging]

I haven’t worked in 5 months, I probably won’t work for at least the next 6. I have no idea when my surgery will take place, when will they even call? I’ve lost my passion, my creativity, my physical ability to do anything that I love. I will never walk properly again. I earned a black belt in martial arts, but I will never be able to feel I can defend myself again. I’m living in pain and isolation and you want to complain about being out of work for a month? I’m sorry but I’ve also lost my empathic ability. I always said our problems are equal but I can no longer believe what I don’t feel. My life was taken away from me, and ableism is sickening.

I just ask that you please, know your fucking audience.

#blog #journal #personal #writing #mental health #depression #ableism #disability #rant

[bitterjadedandblogging]

[bitterjadedandblogging]

Anxiety takes over, existentialism caves in. My heart hurts, I get scared, I can't breathe, I fear death. Head pounds, chest beats, steadily irregular. Stabbing pains, twisting, pinching, withholding my gasps. Every moment feeling of the last. Pushing through somehow, exhaustion becomes so familiar, unlike the face staring back in the mirror. 

Sleep, sleep, sleep, wake and repeat. 

An ultimate feeling of defeat. 

#blog #journal #personal #poetry #writing #depression #mentalhealth #anxiety