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bitsfordays · 1 year
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bitsfordays · 1 year
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Okay omgcp fandom please help I’m trying to find a fic I remember SO clearly from a few years ago about Lardo being a retired gymnast before being the smh manager please help me find it
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bitsfordays · 1 year
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Hello I am Alive but I’ll probably stop really using this blog, so follow me @kentuckyfriedbooks
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bitsfordays · 2 years
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painful thoughts tonight
what if the rumors about jack's cocaine addiction started before the overdose?
what if people saw the shaking before games and assumed? pointed fingers at his rapid weight loss and assumed? posted youtube clips where his teammates can be seen joking around and jack's laugh is so obviously fake, and his eyes are shuttered, and he looks completely checked out of the situation -- and assumed then? what if people saw a teenaged jack who was often spotted at parties and maybe drank more than the average teen (because he had more but also less freedom than the average teen, because that's the only way he could make himself party at all, most likely) -- what if they saw that, which means the tabloids saw that, and they put that plus rich parents together and spread those assumptions around?
what if jack's mental state was not only impacted by having to hear that he's defined by being his father's son (that he'll never be anything more than his father's son), but also by hearing that his behavior can only be explained by behavior-altering drugs? that his behavior, which is partly his own personality but partly a result of his disorder, which is the thing he struggles with most and hates about himself most, is so abnormal that it can't possibly be natural?
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bitsfordays · 2 years
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i know like logistically a wedding in the middle on january doesn’t fit great with the nhl season, however i also think jack and bitty are just cheesy enough to get married january 15th so their anniversary could be 01/15. also they would have the most gorgeous winter wedding you’ve ever seen
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bitsfordays · 2 years
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dex never went to samwell au where nursey is constantly trying to get his best friend, san jose sharks goalie chowder, to set him up with his celebrity crush, boston bruins dex, despite how many times chowder explains to him that just bc they’re both in the nhl doesn’t mean he knows dex or has ever talked to the man.  in a fit of desperation and/or annoyance, chowder just tweets at dex “my friend has the hugest crush on you, dm me.”  and Dex does
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bitsfordays · 2 years
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Jason: Hey weeb. I heard you’re going to NerdCon this weekend
Tim: >:-(
Jason: Are you gonna dress up like an anime character, nerd?
Tim: >:-(
Jason: Are you u gonna buy a dakimakura of your big tiddy anime gf/bf, nerd?
Tim: >:-(
Jason: Are you gonna go to the VIP panel on Saturday?
Tim:..yes?
Jason: Can you get me a pass? I just finished my cosplay—
Damian, dropping down from the ceiling, wielding a foam katana: The pass is mine, Todd! You aren’t even a real fan! You watch the dubs—
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bitsfordays · 2 years
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Holster hates Jack bc Jack said he chews too loudly and Jack hates Holster bc Holster chews too loudly
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bitsfordays · 2 years
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head not empty, head full of countless scenarios that will never happen
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bitsfordays · 2 years
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holster: yo jack, your turn. if you weren't with bitty and you could sleep with any celebrity, who would it be?
jack: ...why aren't I with bitty?
holster: ...what.
jack: did we break up?
holster: no, man. it's like, in another universe, y'know. hypothetical.
jack: okay. but why would bitty and I not be together in a hypothetical different universe?
holster: I don't - fuck, whatever. okay, you're together and you have a free pass, who would you fuck?
jack: I don't think we'd be comfortable with a free pass. right, bits?
holster: OH MY G--- JUST ANSWER THE GODDAMN QUESTION ZIMMERMANN.
jack: euh. which was?
holster: which celebrity do you most want to fuck???
jack: ...oh. ah. why would I want sex with anyone but bitty?
holster: *flips the table*
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bitsfordays · 2 years
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I love zimbits baby fics, but I also kind of feel like they could be that couple who gets married, and is like “Oh we love kids, of course we’re going to have kids!” And then just…don’t take any steps towards making that happen.
And their friends start having kids and they love playing uncle, and they’re still planning to have kids, but they’re busy, and they’re happy as is, and it isn’t the right time and–
And then Jack retires and he and Bitty are in their 40s, and they’re still like “Of course we’re gonna have kids, it’ll happen when it happens!” Except a baby isn’t just going to happen to them the way it did to their friends.
But then Jack is coaching at some summer sports camp and meets a 13 year old girl who is thrilled to be there, and her 10 year old brother who would rather be anywhere else, and they take a liking to Jack. And then circumstances change, and suddenly Jack and Bitty find themselves as the guardians of a teen girl and her little brother, and it’s 10 years late, and not how they originally planned, but it feels right.
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bitsfordays · 2 years
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Hold on imma find the prettiest shit
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bitsfordays · 2 years
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omgcp as john mulaney kid gorgeous quotes
whiskey: according to a biography i read of him, when he was holding back the gay part, he did some of his best work.
shitty: 
he did not look like his job description. he looked like he should be the conductor on a locomotive powered by confetti.
the man with the mustache told me to do it
i don’t care for these new nazis, and you can quote me on that
my wife is a bitch and i like her so much
lardo: top three colleges? i thought i’d be dead in a trunk with my hand hanging out of the taillight by now.”
dex: 
college was a four year gameshow called “do my friends hate me or do i just need to go to sleep?”
if you even fucking look at the hospital, i will stomp you to death with my hooves.
tango: would you just answer me one question? do you think, that in da vinci’s the last supper, that jesus of nazareth is sitting in front of a turkey?
chowder:
i try to stay optimistic, even though i will admit, things are getting pretty sticky!
i am 35 years old. i am 6 feet tall. i lower myself, i go “hi, knock, knock!”. i say “knock, knock” out loud.
my wife said that walking around with me is like walking around with someone who’s running for mayor of nothing.
nursey: 
you’re like the kid at the sleepover who, after midnight, is like “it’s tomorrow now”. 
i paid 120,000 for someone to tell me to go read jane austen, and then i didn’t.
the haus:
(-ransom) what a historic and beautiful and deeply haunted building this is. i keep walking through cold spots being like “i wonder who that used to be”.
they’d sit on my office couch that had like bedbugs and stuff. it was great. they were famous, but it was my couch.
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bitsfordays · 2 years
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give me nervous jack. give me a jack whose impulsivity overpowers his nerves when he leans in to kiss bitty for the first time. give me a jack whose hands tremble slightly as he lets go of bitty. give me a jack who adds ‘haha’ over and over again to his texts to make sure that bitty understands his tone. give me a jack who wants to do well meeting bitty’s parents. give me a jack who feels inexplicable stomach flutters as they climb into the back of bitty’s truck. he’s done it before but he knows this time is the one. 
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bitsfordays · 2 years
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my favorite part of writing fics that have nursey in them is being able to just completely ruin the english language. does he only speak in abbreviations and outdated texting phrases from the early 2010s? obviously. is his vocabulary ¾ths poetry and ¼th jock lingo? you bet your ass it is. he contains multitudes and none of those multitudes are sentences that end without the words dude, bro, or chill.
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bitsfordays · 2 years
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lardo from my webcomics
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bitsfordays · 2 years
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today's shower thoughts: bitty's first providence visit that august is really the first time they get the luxury of figuring out how they like to sleep together.
so that first night they crawl into bed and bitty tries not to make a big deal of the fact that jack chose a side of the bed that he very clearly does not sleep in (even though that, and the fact that jack super nonchalantly asks if bitty's bringing senior bun to bed, makes his whole body feel jittery and fluttery)
and once they finally get settled in, once they've talked until their eyelids grew too heavy, bitty tucks himself into the sheets and tugs the blanket up to his ears and nestles senior bun under his pillow, then blinks sleepily at jack (more than a little giddy that he gets to fall asleep in the same bed as jack zimmermann) and says, "g'night, honey."
he expects a sleepy smile in return - it's one of his favorites, the one that greeted him every sunday morning throughout the last few months of his sophomore year, as the two of them headed towards faber in the dark - but instead jack's face does something strange. "you -- you wanna stay all the way over there?"
bitty looks at the scant ten inches of mattress between them. "oh. uh...?"
"I thought maybe we could, uh. spoon?"
bitty very heroically does not squirm happily at hearing jack say spoon. he bets shitty will pay buckets for the privilege. "well, I... I kinda like sleepin' on my stomach."
"ah. okay." jack smiles gently and knocks his knee against bitty's shin beneath the sheets. "good night, bittle."
but bitty looks at jack, at the way he's lying on his side, arm curled around his pillow -- like maybe he always sleeps like this, with space left over for someone to curl into his arms -- and realizes, another bout of elated butterflies flittering around his stomach, that this someone is him now. and then, with another full-body wave of delighted fondness:
jack zimmermann is a cuddler.
so, see, bitty is no fool. he's not going to let this opportunity slip away, not when he never even dreamed he could have this a few months back. so he shuffles a little closer, closes the distance between them, smiles shyly when he sees jack watching him with confusion, and carefully maneuvers himself until he's lying on jack's chest, one of his legs snug between jack's. he doesn't let himself overthink it, because if he would, he'd surely talk himself out of it.
"this okay?"
jack's arms enfolding around him is a good enough answer. the soft kiss he presses to bitty's forehead is a bonus.
"'s great. good night, bits."
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