bitchakib

[bitchakib]

{Words by Erika L. Sanchez, from "La Cueva" /Charles Bukowski, Ham on Rye}

[bitchakib]

Saturday January 7 2023, Mexico City, 6:18 AM

Dear diary:

Sorry, it's been some time since I wrote. I've been really busy lately. I barely have time to sleep. Getting a job is the worst idea I ever had however I can't quit now. Last semester at school was horrendous. Not because of what I learned or my friends, it was because of work. Again I don't have time. Since last month I've been feeling like shit, nothing but shit. I know I'm young and I have a lot to live still anywho I feel like I'm drowning, like I'm loosing everything and I don't know what to do. Last year I learned that many people expect a lot from me. Not being able to fulfill those expectations broke me.

About work... God help me. We don't have enough people so I've been working from 8 to 12 hours shifts and it's exhausting. My boss, she asks me to do a lot of things but she doesn't fully understands that I'm tired. She doesn't realize how much I have gave up. But don't get me wrong, she's not a bad person nether selfish or something, she is tired, just like me. It's just a tricky situation.

I have been thinking about leaving school because pressure is getting me. I don't want to because of my friends an some things I could miss but emotionally I'm drained. I can't keep up with it. Also because my mom and her boyfriend well they want me to be the best, they want me to have the best grades, the best at school and I have never been that boy. How am I supposed to be someone that I have never been...

About love, I haven't found it yet. I'll keep trying but I don't think it's close however I can be surprised. You know right know I could really use a boyfriend. I need that emotional support.

Anyway I'll be updating you I'll make an effort to keep writing.

#saidai

[bitchakib]

Wednesday July 27 2022, 7:41 PM, Mexico city

Dear diary:

It's been a minute since I talked to you. A lot but still so little has happened. School is going well, it's not incredibly amazing but it's not terrible. Sometimes I find it hard but I'm still holding. I'm glad the friendships I'm making so far really do feel really. This past semester was a little all over the place. The thing is that this is quite out of my comfort zone and I haven't made any real effort to improve however I'll make sure I improve this next semester which is about to start. I have like 3 to 4 weeks left of vacation. That makes me nervous.

In the last few weeks I felt a little bit sad. I like hanging out with friends, be surrounded by people but everyone seems to be busy. So I had to spend time alone. I just wish for now on that I get to spend more time with my friends, meeting new people.

I've also been working. It's fun; I do have now a great relationship with my boss. It's nice to know that she trusts me and relies on me but I'm trying to find or to make myself more work opportunities that are related to my studies.

Nos let's talk about love.

I want to start talking about that old friend. I don't know wether I miss her or having someone like her in my life. I pass her house quite often an everytime I look out the window hopping I see her. Sometimes I think about calling her, maybe sending a text at times but there's something that always stops me from doing it. What stops me is the same thing that made me pushed her away. Basically I'll be the one making the effort, the first move. Anywho I'm still thinking about it. I need assistance with that, maybe even some telling me what to do.

Now about my love life... It's still a mess. So a month ago I felt like I was done searching. Ulises, an ex-colleague from work, texted me. He told me that he was attracted to me. He was interested in having sex with me and maybe seeing what could've happened next. Everything was ok. I didn't have much expectations but still I was exited. He is sweet and handsome too so you know my lonely hart was happy. But after a couple of weeks of taking he disappeared. I knew he blocked me but I was a fool. I tried to convince my self that was not the case but short long story, he did, he blocked me.

Now there's Lalo, which I don't see as a potential boyfriend. I don't know if he's ready to date a guy and as much hints I drop he hasn't get any or maybe he's not interested.

I've been seeing a lot of things lately. Many clues as to what is coming towards me. I'm not sure if that's true but I'm still hoping for the best. I haven't lost any hope.

Honestly I don't know why no one has ever been in love with me. Not even like a physical attraction from what I know. Sometimes it's lonely. It's fun to go out by myself even with friends but I always imagine what it would be like to have a boyfriend, a significant other. I just pray for the day, that it's getting close and that it will be beautiful. Also I pray that I won't get sick of it.

I think that's it, I'm a little bit sleepy so I'm going to get some rest.

See you soon and hopefully something interesting happen.

#opfl #saidai

[bitchakib]

[bitchakib]

#spotify #music #summer walker #broken promises #r&b music

[bitchakib]

Abdulaziz Al-Hosni, 2021

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Hyunji by Cho Giseok for Numéro Netherlands

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Yang-Tsung Fan (Taiwanese, b. 1982), Swimming Pool Series - Dark Tiles, 2019. Acrylic on canvas, 120 x 100 cm.

[bitchakib]

Monday April 4 2022, 5:20 AM, Mexico city.

Dear diary:

Oh boy! It's been a long Year so far. Sorry because I haven't written. Anywho, I don't know where to start. School is good, I will not say it's great because I have realized that I haven't quite learn anything throughout this and last semester. I really need to pay more attention. I have made more friends which is amazing and always fun. I've been going out more often.

[bitchakib]

#jeebanoff #spotify #music #the girl in my memories

[bitchakib]

Monday January 24 2022, 12:27 AM, México City.

Dear diary:

Hi,

I'll be back at school today. I'm nervous but really excited. I'm really looking forward to get to meet all of my classmates a little bit more but also to spend more time with my friends. About my professors I want to meet the all. Hopefully they'll be cool.

I quit my job last Tuesday because of school; also cuz I'm tired. I don't know how long it will take me to get a new one.

Also, I will find love this year. I will get a boyfriend this year. I don't know where I'll meet this boy (hopefully at school) however I know he's going to be my prince charming. The men of my dreams.

Today we will out to get dinner or something cuz it's my brother's birthday and tomorrow we will go out again but this time it will be with my dad.

I don't know if I told you but I got COVID a couple of weeks ago, that was a very joyful time, it gave me time to relax and to think about my job. I took the decision to quit during that time.

Anywho, I don know what else I can say so... Se you soon.

#opfl #saidai

[bitchakib]

one day you are going meet someone who makes everything else seem to fall into place. it’ll probably be unexpected. it may well happen at a strange time in your life, where you can’t imagine how anyone could possibly see you as anything more as this mess of crazy, tangled threads. but they’ll make you realise that you are so much more than the things that have happened to you. they’ll make you feel understood and cared about and special. they’ll make you smile without even doing anything. it will happen, even if you can’t imagine it right now, and it will be so wonderful it will shine a light into the darkest parts of your life.

[bitchakib]

#natural #gsoul #spotify #music #kpop

[bitchakib]

Farewell My Concubine (1993) | dir. Chen Kaige

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[bitchakib]

BLACK tie REDUX…………No.21

[bitchakib]

#mafiosa #spotify #music #nathy peluso