bi-potato-pancakes

[bi-potato-pancakes]

so apparently i have anxiety… i should’ve known that after well after everything…

#mentalhealth #anxiety #diagnosis

[bi-potato-pancakes]

these pictures are very random. but this poem is specific and it’s title is self explanatory. happy pride month 🏳️‍🌈

(for her)

I’ll talk to you until you sleep

just to keep you company

to be left alone with your thoughts is hell

i’m there for you through them

and i’ll keep you distracted

with talk of strange songs

and our weirdest memories

reminiscing about our elusive childhoods

and laughing about the dumbest things

whatever i can do, i’ll do

whatever i can say, i’ll say

whatever i can be, i’ll be

whatever you need, just tell me and it’ll be

you may see the darkest moments

and get lost in the abyss

but i’m here to light it up

and guide you through

use me however you want

while i’m still here

because i’m here for you even when i can’t be there for me

#poems #writing #poetry #falling #pride #wlw pride #love poetry #for her #lesbian #together #nonbinary #love #bisexual #wlw #pride month #lgbtq #lgbt pride

[bi-potato-pancakes]

watched bo burnhams new special that everyone has been talking about…

i think i’m…numb.

#numb #bo burnham #inside #bo burnham inside #depression #mental health #lockdown

[bi-potato-pancakes]

i’m actually kinda proud of this one. not as shitty as usual.. it definitely could use more idk

If I could trip on light

if i could trip on light

i would see all the colors of the rainbow

if i could trip on light

and fall into the fiery pool of shine

the darkness surrounding me should fall away

i would look above and see the show

crave the light and make it mine

if i could trip on light

i would do it every day

#poems #poetry #writing #light #if i could trip on light #tripping #aesthetic #falling #wishful thinking

[bi-potato-pancakes]

why is this photo so blurry tumblr 😩

[Generational Blues]

you see?

this is why

i can’t share anything with you

i share a song

you lecture me

and my generation

we’ll believe everything

we’ll do this dumb shit

it was just a funny song

i thought you would like

i share a video

you interrupt it

it’s not appropriate

why would i show it if it wasn’t

why does this topic feel so wrong to share

me and my phone

the only things i share are from my phone

i thought it was funny

i share a meme

and yeah it’s different

but it was cool

so i showed you

what’s this you ask

this is terrible

why would you like this

get it out of my face

this is all you share

i thought it would make you laugh

so yeah that’s why

that’s why i can’t share anything with you

you get mad, i get mad

you make yourself the victim

and wonder why i don’t open up

#poems #poetry #writing #sad poem #feeling lost #gen z #generation z #gen z stuff

[bi-potato-pancakes]

never wrote a title for this

untitled

i’m sorry

i’m sorry it was poorly timed

i’m sorry i can’t *just do it*

i’m sorry you don’t like this dress

i’m sorry i can’t be myself

i’m sorry

i wish you didn’t think like that

i know

that’s what it sounds like when you get mad

i can’t control my mind

i’m sorry i didn’t read the room

i’m sorry this poem isn’t good

i’m sorry you don’t understand

i hate that you don’t understand

you can’t understand

you won’t

#poems #poetry #writing #sad boi hours #sad poem #feeling lost

[bi-potato-pancakes]

wrote this a while ago, but i’ve been thinking about leaving for uni next year.

When I Leave

when i leave

i’ll find my family when i leave

i’ll have new friends

new people to connect with

i’ll find people who can understand

people who won’t just leave me on read

someone who can laugh at my jokes and not

question them instead

when i leave

i’ll find a friend who will hold me

when times get hard

i’ll have a person to comfort

who will watch disney movies with me

my people are out there i just need to start looking

when i leave

i’ll look for my people

i’ll find my family when i leave

cause lord knows these people aren’t the family i

need

i’ll find people who understand my jokes

i’ll find people who like the memes i send

i’ll find people who have a life like mine

the weird ones

the queer ones

the hipsters

and the alts

i’ll find my family when i leave

i just need to wait to get out

#poems #poetry #writing #sadness #sad boi hours #sad poem #collage #university

[bi-potato-pancakes]

i wrote this one a few nights ago. it’s hard to know what will trigger a bout of homesickness or depression, so it usually comes on rather unexpectedly. i wrote this when i was feeling quite down and out.

Homesick

it comes at the most unexpected times

homesickness

i could be watching tv

i could be doing homework

i could be walking with friends

i could be falling asleep

and there it is

homesickness

i sit there and think

hey i miss my old life

i miss the sun and the heat

i miss those friends and

i miss the food

i miss the places we went

i miss california

i want to smell that familiar air

and feel that familiar feeling

the place that was my home for so long

i miss my old life

the one where i was happy

(i’m happy here but it’s not the same)

i want to be in the park with those friends and pretend like nothings changed

but to do that

i’d have to go back in time

things aren’t the same

and they never will be

i’m here now

in a place where it gets cold

with some great people

but it’ll never be the same

not even if i go back

to california.

#poems #poetry #writing #sad boi hours #sad poem #california #homesick #homesickness #feeling down #feeling lost #time travel

[bi-potato-pancakes]

hi it’s been a while.

Pain

i’m in pain

my chest hurts

my throat is closed

it’s hard to breathe

and my vision is getting blurred

i’m in pain

so much pain

i don’t know why i feel like this

but this pain

this fucking pain

it hurts so bad

i’m in pain

i can hardly move

i can hardly speak

you don’t know my pain

you can’t know my pain

it isn’t yours

I am in pain

#poems #poetry #writing #sad boi hours #sad poem #stressed #depresso #pain

[bi-potato-pancakes]

sooooo it’s been a while... here’s something i wrote in an attempt to embrace something more trippy. feel free to like immerse yourself in this experience and like continue the poem if you want?

Spinning

The world is spinning outside my head

I reach an arm out to cry for help

I can’t find anything to stabilize myself

I look beyond you but all I see are cracks

Everything is breaking and slipping away

I grab at the shards but all I get are cuts

My eyes focus for a second and I see you

Your face warped into some angry demon

I feel you take control of my mind

The world goes blurry again

The colors all mix

Then everything goes black

#poems #poetry #writing #psychadelic #tripping #spinning #confused

[bi-potato-pancakes]

hey look some more quarantine blues. we’ve almost reached the end of my poems! i’m gonna have to find some more inspo so i can write some more! maybe they will actually be decent lol.

Slipping (again)

I can feel myself slipping again

It’s so familiar

The same pit in my stomach

The same heaviness in my throat

The same underwater feeling in my head

This rabbit hole feels inescapable

How did I get out last time?

Did I even get out? Or did I just hold myself in place and pretend I was fine?

I know my way around this

I just need to remember

Remember how numb I was

Remember the crushing weight of my loneliness

Remember how i crawled out

battered and bruised

clawing my way out

It was a struggle

I did it once before

I know I can do it again

But still I feel myself slip

I forgot how sudden it felt

I forgot how empty it made me

I forgot how much pain I was in

I forgot about the longings

I know I can get through this

But as I fall deeper in

it only gets more painful

I’m slipping again

But I will climb back up

I just need to find the rope.

#poems #poetry #writing #sad boi hours #sad poem #slipping #rabbit hole #depression #depressed #quarantine feels #quarantine #2020 #falling backwards #therapy #damaged

[bi-potato-pancakes]

this one is a bit weird. hopefully i’ll bring you into your imagination.

Check-In at the Rabbit Hole

Hi and welcome to day one

What will you take with you on this journey?

just myself and my painful memories

Enjoy the ride

i’ll try

i feel myself start to slip

it started with an argument

then came a realization

the walls came up

the wicked walls that cut the ropes holding me up

as i fell it started off slow

just some stumbles

i managed to grab some roots and keep myself up

but only for a bit

my breathing got heavy

then the YELL

the earth shook

i was in free fall

Hello and welcome to day two

What do you want to let go of today?

myself and anyone who might help

Enjoy the ride

i won’t

i was falling deeper and deeper

this oh so familiar rabbit hole called to me

i pushed away my friends

and i fell deeper

slipping deeper down

Hello and welcome to day three

You cannot turn back after this point

Do you wish to proceed?

do i have a choice?

No.

Enjoy the ride.

please let me off

i didn’t have a choice

everything around me dissolved

all i could see was darkness

all i could feel was numbness

all i could taste was cold

i fell down and down and down

then i saw a hand

thank goodness for therapy

let’s see how long this lasts

#poems #poetry #writing #rabbit hole #depression #depressed #sadness #falling #therapy #help me please #walls came up #protect me #save me

[bi-potato-pancakes]

quarantine feels

Lonely

Feeling lonely

late at night

the stars above me

hold me tight

I can’t quite grasp

what keeps me up tonight

but i stare at my ceiling

searching

searching for a light

I have no one to talk to

no one will hold me tight

no one who will hear my cry

or keep me safe

no one I can trust to spare me pain

no one who can always be there

it’s like i’m slipping away again

feeling this familiar lonely

lonely

lonely like the sun on a cloudless day

lonely like a toy left in a dumpster

lonely with no one

lonely

lonely

lonely

#poems #poetry #writing #sad poem #sad boi hours #depression #depressed #sad #lonely #feeling lonely #feeling lost #no one to hold me #sadness #quarantine #quarantine feels

[bi-potato-pancakes]

i’m running out of pictures to use ahaha. This next poem is about motivation... or lack thereof.

Unmotivated

So I don’t have motivation

To stand up or speak or move

I have work to do

But I can’t do it

I know I have to and that makes it harder

But I still can’t move

Despite the pain in my gut telling me to

I can’t pick up my body

It feels like rocks are pressing me down

And I can’t push them off

So I can’t stand up or speak or move

Even though I know I need to.

All I can do is type

And that’s why I’m here

I write this so I don’t feel like a waste of space

Because I can’t do anything else

But moving my thumbs to type this out is something I can do.

#poems #poetry #writing #depression #depressed #sad poem #sad boi hours #unmotivated #study motivation #motivation #can’t move #can’t sleep #can’t work #can’t do anything

[bi-potato-pancakes]

Last year, The HRC (Human Rights Campaign), reported that in 2019 alone, at least 26 trans and gender nonconforming people were killed in the United States alone. Disproportionately, Black trans people were the victims. Those I have illustrated here, do not even scratch the surface of what is, and should be recognised as, an epidemic. Now, more than ever, it is crucial that we do whatever we can to support the black trans community. 

Please consider donating/signing the charities and petitions listed here.

EDIT- updated hyperlinks to petitions JUSTICE FOR TONY MCDADE https://www.change.org/p/justice-for-tony-mcdade JUSTICE FOR NINA POP- https://www.change.org/p/black-lives-matter-actvists-justice-for-nina-pop JUSTICE FOR TETE- https://www.change.org/p/portland-police-bureau-justice-for-tete MORE PROTECTION FOR BLACK TRANS WOMEN UK- https://www.change.org/p/boris-johnson-more-protection-for-black-trans-women-uk DONATE- BLACK VISIONS COLLECTIVE- https://www.blackvisionsmn.org TRANSGENDER LAW CENTER- https://transgenderlawcenter.org THE OKRA PROJECT- https://www.theokraproject.com LGBTQ+ FREEDOM FUND- https://www.lgbtqfund.org NATIONAL CENTER FOR BLACK EQUITY- https://centerforblackequity.org

[bi-potato-pancakes]

this one is for people who suffer from depression and have those painful dark thoughts. you will get through this.

Live On

Sometimes living is hard

You just want things to end

Because everything has become so hard

And you don’t want to put in effort anymore

Sometimes living is hard

Things that were once effortless now require effort

Your daily motions become painful

And your body starts to feel heavy

Sometimes living is hard

And you want to live easy again

So you wait

And wait

And wait some more

Until living is easy again

But living will never be easy

Living will be fun,

Living will be painful,

Living will be luxurious,

Living will be difficult,

Living will be Hard,

But living will never be Easy.

We live every single day

And some days we don’t want to

But we keep on living

Because that’s what we do.

Sometimes living is hard.

But we live on.

#poems #poetry #writing #life #pain #depression #depressed #don’t kill yourself #you are special #you will survive #you can do this #keep it up #live on

[bi-potato-pancakes]

we’re getting to some more recent poems now! this one is just some inner mumblings about worry and fear of being broken again.

Don't Worry

Am I broken again?

I've found someone that makes me happy

But still I feel an inner sorrow

A sorrow I hide with jokes about dying

A sorrow I hide with a plastered on smile

A sorrow I hide from everyone I know

I have some obsessions,

I go in head first without regard for my well-being

I forget about commitments - like school and family

So where are my limits?

When will I stop?

When will I assess what I need to assess?

Am I broken again?

Should I be worried again?

When you point out my problems, it doesn't help me fix them

I thrive off of solitude

I live in secret

I solve my issues on my own

So I will figure this out.

If you leave me be,

I will figure this out

You don't have to worry.

#writing #poetry #poems #broken #(again) #fix me please #figure it out #inner thoughts #don’t worry #my worries #worries #why is worries so weird looking wtf #old works #a year ago #working on it #working it out #free verse