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Hello everyone!!! I hope everyone is enjoying these new, updated chapters of Connection. I am working on the next chapter right now and as I do, I was hoping to find out from you all what you are/aren't enjoying in these new renditions of my work. Are there improvements you enjoy and want to see more of? Is there something you miss from the old works or you hope to see stay in these rewrites? Let me know all of your dazzling opinions because I love hearing from you!!!

SILENCE (CONNECTION SERIES)

Connection series: Chapter One

Previous Part --- Next Part (coming soon)

Pairing: Din Djarin x f!reader (no use of Y/N)

Warnings: cursing, mentions of past trauma, family trauma, death

Word count: almost 9K

Summary: The constant silence of the Razor Crest, as well as the Mandalorian, will prove to be more difficult for you than you had originally thought.

Notes: AHHHHHHH CHAPTER ONE BBY! So I completely rewrote this chapter, made it almost three times longer, and love it. As always, please let me know what you think and give me your opinions!! I loveeee hearing what you have to say and it always inspires me to write more!

Night One

You had been sitting on the hull of the ship for hours now, staring at the door you had watched close on your whole entire life. You’re mind was reeling from the last couple days, clips of time shooting at you that made you feel like you were going to be sick. The most constant one was the image of the body on the ground laying behind the Mandalorian. After all, wasn’t that the one actual that was completely changing your life in a way you couldn’t even understand? One split second. One movement of the finger. One pull of the trigger. And poof. Your life was gone as you knew it.

It wasn’t that you’re life before was something to mourn in particular. You didn’t have friends or family or a home. But it was still a peculiarity to you that you had chosen to uproute your life on your own accord, voluntarily. You had decided to say it was to protect yourself. Staying on Yungbrii would prove to dangerous to yourself if you had stayed.

But was that it? Or was it so much more?

At first, you didn’t have time to think. The Mandalorian had rushed to the cockpit and gotten the ship running quickly. He had left the child in the hull with you and you expected the Mandalorian to come back down, keep a steady eye on you and the kid the whole time like he had on Yungbrii. But he never came down. Maybe he knew you wouldn’t do anything when he was sat only a few feet away and in his ship. Or maybe you had heard his trust a little bit. It seemed like killing a man ought to earn you a few brownie points.

Hours had been spent with the child, allowing him to show you around the small ship. You were grateful for the distraction. The child calmed you and you didn’t have time to allow yourself to focus on the fact that you had jumped onto a ship with a man you didn’t know and with known of your belongings but one bag and a box of tools.

But eventually the child’s energy started fading, and his eyes became droopier and droopier until they finally clasped closed while you held him in your arms. It was at this point that the Mandalorian came down the metal staircase, grabbing the child from you and opening the hatch to his cot. You saw a tiny sliver of space past the broad body of the Mandalorian and saw him place the child in what looked like a make shift hammock. Cute.

When the child was settled in his bed, the hatch closed once again and the Mandalorian turned. His helmet looked down at you and you waited for him to say something, anything. Or were you the one who was supposed to say something?

In the end, both of you opted for silence and he trudged his way back up the ladder, disappearing back into the cockpit.

You didn’t know what to do, so that had resulted in you just staring at the door to the ship, mind whirring with a hundred million little thoughts and questions, the main one being ‘what the hell were you doing?’ You felt insane. Absolutely nuts. But was it actually crazy? Wasn’t it your only choice to get on the ship for your own self preservation? Or had it been crazy in the first place to pull the trigger?

You planted your head in your hands, cupping it as you settled into your knees. You looked like you were trying to crawl inside yourself and disappear, a thought which you found all too nice. You needed to stop thinking because you were driving yourself mad.

But you didn’t stop thinking. You continued to compile a list of every thought you were having. You probably should eat but didn’t know if could get food down if you tried, despite having not eaten any food that day. Was there even food on the Razor Crest? The Mandalorian had mentioned something about not taking his helmet off but he surely had to eat… right? You needed to shower, covered in oil and stale sweat from earlier but you didn’t even have a toothbrush, nonetheless any showering essentials. And if you were willing to bet your life on anything, it was the the Mandalorian was an all-in-one soap kind of guy. You didn’t even have another pair of underwear. You were going to have to re-wear underwear and that was sure to knock your self-esteem down several pegs. Oh my Maker, you didn’t even have caf on you which meant-

“You need to eat.”

Your head jerked up at the sound of the modulated voice and you looked up at the Mandalorian standing above you. How the hell had you not heard him? And what time was it? There was no windows in the hull, making it seem like this claustrophobic trap. Though you supposed if you were in hyperspace, windows wouldn’t help you decipher the time anyways. You had to guess it was late though.

You didn’t realize until you tried to sit up straighter how tired your body was. The last couple days you had been working on the ship, which had taken a toll on your body but not one you wouldn’t have secretly enjoyed. But the emotional gravity of todays events wore you down in a special way. And sitting hunched in the same position made your muscles creek and groan, seeming like you aged several years in one single day.

You stood to face the Mandalorian. "I'm not hungry."

He nodded and moved over to a pile of supplies, rummaging through them. "I'll set up a cot for you on the floor."

"Thanks." You paused before speaking again. "Thanks for everything."

The Mandalorian didn't respond, just continuing to grab items. "The fresher is behind you. You can use it. There is a shower."

"Cool." you turned around, walking towards the small door before slipping inside of the tiny room. You closed the door behind you, let out a staggered breath.

What the hell happened?

Night Six

The last few days on the Crest had felt like months. With the Mandalorian, every interaction felt forced and awkward. The two of you rarely interacted, only the few bare minimum words here and there. Usually you would try to make more conversation, crack a joke or two here and there, but you didn't know what to do in this situation. He had invited you on the ship, but only as some kind of way to show his gratuity for saving the child. He didn't seem like the kind of man who wanted to have company, despite the presence of the child, so you decided the kindest thing you could do was give him what he probably wanted most. Some damn peace.

The child on the other hand seemed to love that he had a new roommate. Since the Mandalorian spent most of his time holed up in the cockpit, you had spent all of yours in the hull of the ship with the child. He was a great companion to have in all honesty, even if he was just a small child. He had shown you the entire ship, blabbering away in his own language. You had learned his routine. When he took naps (after he ate), when he ate (and boy, did he love to eat), and what he liked to do (eating amongst other things).

To be honest, you had never considered yourself to be the type to be good with kids or maternal in any way. You were the only child and even as a young kid on Jakku, you would of much rather worked on a pod racer engine than hang out with any of the few children who lived there. Frankly, you always thought kids were loud and always ran around with sticky hands and bad manners. And maybe that was true of human kids, or maybe you were blind to anything bad about the child because of how cute he was. Either way, you found yourself bonding with the child.

And bonding was something you shouldn't have been doing at all. But you realized that all too late when you had your conversation with the Mandalorian.

The child was asleep, tucked into the hammock that the Mandalorian had crafted in his cot, a small thing that showed you how much the man must really care for the child. You were about ready to lay down in your own cot for another restless night when you heard the Mandalorian finally make his way down the ladder into the hull. You expected him to make his way into the fresher like he did every night but he paused, taking a long look at you.

You froze up, looking back up at him. You admit, you had had your reservations about him inviting you on the ship. The first night you had convinced yourself you were absolutely insane and only crazy people would go on a random ship with a random man they didn't know. He was a strange man, inviting a random woman on his ship. That was a red flag, right? You had kept a watchful eye on him the first couple nights, but the man barely even spoke to you. He certainly wasn't making any unwanted advances or even suggesting something that would make you remotely uncomfortable. He barely even looked at you which was the reason for your confusion.

"I'm stopping tomorrow on Corellia." he stated.

You had never been, but you had heard of Corellia. Some of the greatest ships to have ever existed were made there. Besides that though, you didn't know much about it but you felt excitement at the thought of stopping there. You could explore a new planet, meet the people and see the ships. You couldn't help the small quirk of your lip. "Okay."

"If you have somewhere else you want to go, I can bring you there. I figured you could find work on Corellia."

The small smile faded instantly and you felt any excitement in you dissipate. You didn't know why the words had made you feel a pit of sadness in your stomach. He hadn't said them harshly or with any anger. In fact, he was offering to bring you wherever you wanted, a kinder offer than you had ever expected.

So why was the prospect of living on Corellia making you feel this way? The Mandalorian was right. You would probably be able to easily find work somewhere. Maybe that could be the planet where you actually settled down. Spent the rest of your days working away on ships like you thought you would of done when you were younger. In the end, that was the most you had ever expected of life. You thought you would surely follow in your fathers footsteps. Be a great mechanic.

You slowly looked over at the sleeping child and it hit you. You didn't want to leave the kid. You had become a sap in the last few days, more than you ever thought possible. You were gonna miss the little green booger.

You turned back to the Mandalorian, realizing you hadn't responded yet and was probably making him uncomfortable. "No... um, Corellia will work great. I can easily finish up the ship tomorrow before I'm on my way too. Thank you."

The Mandalorian nodded, turning to walk over to the refresher and shutting the door behind him, the lock on it ringing out into the silence.

You laid down on your cot, staring at the ceiling of the Crest and trying to come to peace with your new life that would start tomorrow. And trying to ignore the sadness you felt deep down inside. After all, you had done that all your life. What was the harm in doing it some more?

Night Seven

"The ship is good to go. I finished connecting the transpacitor and also fixed up some wiring." you stammered, looking at the ship and ignoring the small child that kept making small noises. You had spent the majority of the day fixing up the few things you could on the Crest. You had insisted on the child staying inside with the Mandalorian, claiming it was for his safety but in all reality it was so you could disconnect.

Something you had failed horrendously at.

"Oh, and I cleaned up both hyperdrives in general cause they were a mess so they look nice now. Probably was completely unnecessary but I'm sure they feel real pretty right now. Not that hyperdrives can feel because they are just machinery but y'know what I mean..."

You finally trailed off, eyes flittering down to your bag you had with your belongings. You had gone into the closest town earlier for some clothes and other items you had left behind. Corellia was certainly much livelier than Yungbrii ever could be, although you weren't sure if it was necessarily in a good way. It was cluttered and busy and loud and everything you had become completely unaccustomed to. It seemed to be the opposite of everything you had and liked but maybe that was what you needed. A brand new start. A redo.

Or maybe you were just a miserable person who would be just as miserable here as you much as you were in Yungbrii.

You finally looked over at the Mandalorian, who stood completely still as he held the child against his chest. If you didn't know better, you'd say the amour was completely empty. But you expected the Mandalorian was impatiently waiting for you to make your way.

You looked down at the child, who smiled up at you and gave him a small grin. You reached a finger out, which he tightly clutched with his own hand and gave it a little shake. You slowly began to pull away but the child stayed latched on, forcing you to jerk your arm away from him, which he responded to with a small pout. You took in a deep breath and shook your head.

"I guess I'll be on my way." you grabbed your bag on the ground next to you, lugging it over your shoulders. You looked at the Mandalorian and gave him a sharp nod, which he reciprocated. You then looked at the child and his big eyes. "Bye, little guy. Feel free to visit me anytime."

You began to walk off, ignoring the frustrated noises of the child as he watched you walk away. You heard the Mandalorian mutter something in his helmet, but paid no mind as you trudged off. You supposed, in the end, this may be a great story to tell someone one day. Like, 'hey remember that time I met that weird kid and his awfully boring Mandalorian dad? Ah... good times'. Or maybe this was a sacred memory you would tuck away in the back of your mind like so many others.

"Wait."

You turned around embarrassingly quick, head jerking over to the Mandalorian. "Yeah?"

"How'd you like a job?"

The child let out a coo, ears quirking up just as yours did. "What kind of job?"

"The kid likes you. I don't know why but he does."

Your shoulders sagged and you tilted your head. "Gee, you really know how to compliment someone."

The Mandalorian seemed unimpressed by your comment (as usual) and sighed. "You stay, take care of the ship, and stick around with the kid. You'll have a safe place to sleep, food..."

You couldn't. It would be too invasive, to live in this guys ship for who knows how long and watch over his very odd child. But he was offering it to you. Offering company and exploration and a safe place. Those were three things that rarely offered themselves up to you. Could you really pass that up?

It was a rare opportunity. You could stick around with the kid. And while the Mandalorian had the blandest personality you'd ever met, it certainly wouldn't be the worst place you had crashed at for awhile. The Crest had plenty of minor improvements you could make.

"Why would you offer this?" you asked, crossing your arms over your chest.

The darkened visor peered down at the child, held tilting slightly. "I have a feeling he will need you."

The moment was sweet and to you, it was shockingly vulnerable. You didn't know their situation but all you need was this moment to know the Mandalorian cared more about the kid than anyone could guess. This was a man of danger and strength, one who could easily protect. But he had a feeling that maybe, just maybe, you could help the kid out. So he would be willing to let you tag along, no matter what that may have meant.

"Are you sure?" you questioned.

The Mandalorian nodded curtly. And that in the end was all you needed.

Night Seventeen

The Mandalorian couldn't pinpoint the exact time or moment when he had decided he would invite this mysterious woman to live with him and the child, on his ship. On what the closest thing he had to a home. Was it when he had watched her begin to walk away on Corellia and felt the child in his arms squirm and reach for her? Was it when he had caught the two in a game of peek-a-boo, the child having the absolutely biggest smile he had ever seen on the little ones face? Was it when he had heard her explain how to rewire a panel to the child and he had responded, like they both understood each other?

Or had he decided the very moment he had invited her on the ship? The night she had protected the child at the risk of her own life. Had he invited her onto the ship, knowing deep down that he had secretly planned on keeping her on? Had the deepest part of him devised this plan without him even knowing?

He had the feeling it was that. Because to be honest, the moment she had saved the child had been one of the most unnerving experiences of his life. What if he alone wasn't enough? He always thought he was but if she hadn't been there, what would of happened? And then his mind went back to the last few months and he felt dumbfounded with the revelation that he needed people. He always found solitude fit him best and it was nearly a given considering the uniform he donned and the duties he fulfilled.

But would he be in the place he was now without the helping hands of the others he had met along his way? What would he be without Kuiil, Cara Dune, Greef Karga, hell even IG-11? And now he asked himself where he would be without her? And he knew the answer was far too terrifying for him to even consider. So, perhaps even he needed someone. Maybe the child needed somebody else.

And for some reason, she made him immensely uncomfortable. He would spent most his days in the cockpit, which she hadn’t stepped a foot in. He would see her only a handful of times each day, even though they lived in such small quarters. He could probably count on his fingers how many words they exchanged each day. He just couldn’t find it in himself to have a conversation or find some common ground. He had even thought she had tried to make conversation yesterday, when she asked how long he had lived on the Crest with the kid. But he found it difficult to even give the one worded response hew to get out.

She was a stranger, living in his own home. Yet she never stepped over any of the unspoken boundaries he had set. She was polite when they very briefly interacted. She always wished him good night every single night, since day one, which the Mandalorian found to be bizarre but wasn’t that what polite people did? She was clean and never asked for help, always doing something whether it be with the kid or the ship. He could guess that she was a dream of a roommate, one many in the galaxy would thank the Maker for.

Maybe it was because she seemed so energetic and full of life, just like the kid. And he had definitely felt uncomfortable around the kid at first, so maybe this was just a hump he had to get over. Maybe he didn’t know what to do with someone with personality. Maybe he feared he would be unwelcome in his own home so it was better to avoid interaction than risk an unpleasant one.

Maybe he only felt comfortable around the child now because the kid looked up to him and needed him. He had to become comfortable with the kid, although the kid had cracked through his shell far more than he had ever anticipated. This woman didn’t need him. There was nothing that anchored the two together, forced them to interact. Maybe that was his problem.

Possibly it was because she was a woman, though the Mandalorian had never considered himself sexist. But maybe he just didn’t know how to interact with a pretty, funny woman. Sometimes when she cracked a joke with him, he felt like his brain short circuited and she spoke a language entirely foreign to him.

Either way, all these thoughts and questions tore at him and all led to the ultimate one: should he had kept her on his ship?

That question, to his relief, had been answered though.

He had been sat in the cockpit, staring into the endless void of hyperspace when the piercing cry of the child rang out. The Mandalorian couldn’t help the way his body stiffened and he jumped out of his seat, making his way down the ladder. He had just turned to face the direction of the crying when he found her with the child, cradling him to her chest.

Her eyes were closed as she wrapped her arms around his small body, nuzzling him against her so his head laid in the crook of her shoulder as she swayed on both her feet softly. Her back was turned to the Mandalorian but he could see the child’s face slip into a peaceful daze, eyes shutting closed softly. He heard her gentle voice barely singing, so softly that he swore he was only able to hear it from where he stood because his helmet.

It wasn’t that her singing was particularly amazing. It was more the way she sang it. It was soft and maternal and caring, like a warm hug that you craved after a hard day. It was everything a child deserved, especially the one she held onto. It was what the Mandalorian had desperately missed in his childhood and had spent nights trying to remember.

It was in this moment that the Mandalorian realized that inviting her on his ship might have been one of the best decisions he had ever made.

Night Twenty-Nine

Life was good. You found yourself shockingly content at times. Was all you had needed this whole time was just a little company? Was the green child who used up most of your days the key to making life less miserable?

You knew why you usually pushed people away. You had your reasons. You weren’t just some soulless outlier. But you felt safe inside of the Crest. The little home you had made within the belly of the large ship was full of light and noise and soft baby smiles. It was something you hadn’t known you needed and now that you had it, you couldn’t imagine losing it.

You also had a safe bed to sleep in every night, three steady meals a day, and a ship that constantly proved to have something to keep your hands busy, whether it be wiring or polishing to whatever else. Life was good. The best it had been in a long while. You almost had nothing to complain about.

Almost…

The only thing that was proving troublesome, and quite honestly killing you inside, was the silence. Sure, the day wasn’t bad. You spent most of your time with the child at your side, gurgling out words only he could understand and having many one-sided conversations with you. The sound of his giggles and squeals would fill the air with warmth and softness, like a blanket had been draped over the entirety of the ship. His small noises of curiosity and confusion sparked an imaginative environment of wonder. You would also spend a large majority of the day filling the stale air of the ship with your words, speaking away on any variety of topics you found fit, hoping the child would find the conversation of interest if he could even understand in the first place. And all in all, he seemed to. Or at the very least you proved to be a very entertaining companion for him.

But eventually, you would watch those big brown eyes slowly start blinking, lids growing dreary and bottom lip pouring out. You could always tell when he was on the cusp of sleep. Some days it came faster than others but it always arrived in an innocent dream like state. You would settle the child into his small hammock and watch him for a few moments as he drifted into what you hoped were sweet dreams. The child would usually fall asleep earlier then you ever would, meaning you had hours until it was time to rest your own head against your pillow.

And that time was full of complete and utter quiet. You suppose that shouldn’t have been so shocking to you. Yungbrii could be eerily quiet, especially in the winter months when you could only hear the soft sounds of the snow hitting the ground, saturating the earth. It also wasn’t like you had any friends to talk to. But you also lived alone. That wasn’t the case anymore. There was now a whole other person who lived under the same roof as you.

And he never spoke a word. You tried to understand, too. You really did. He didn’t invite you on this ship to be his friend. He didn’t need to have a conversation with you or any sort of relationship with you. In all respect, he was technically your employer. Your boss even. And besides that, he seemed like a private man. The ship showed no sign of the touch of any other person besides the Mandalorian and the child.

But if it still didn’t stop the night from being so uncomfortable. It got so bad sometimes that it made you want to crawl out of your skin.

And it wasn’t like you hadn’t tried. You had tried to ask him a single question about himself and while you couldn’t see his face, you were just so sure he had given you an incredulous look. And his response sounded like he had to force it out of himself through gritted teeth. That single answer had been enough for you to know for certain the Mandalorian wanted nothing to do with you as a person.

But then why had he invited you on the ship, to live here? You knew the technical answer: to take care of the kid and the Crest. But you couldn’t imagine yourself offering for someone to live with you when you had absolutely no interest in having any sort of relationship in any way, not even friendly acquaintances who asked how each persons own respective day was. The only consistent interaction you two would have is when you would politely wish him good night and he would return it with the same.

It was all so confusing to you and some days you let it bother you more than others. And tonight was one of those days.

The only sound was the humming of the ship as it traveled through hyperspace. That noise was the only consistent noise at night and right now, it isolating droning made you want to scream. You needed some other type of noise. You never heard a noise from the Mandalorian who sat in his cockpit. You swore the man had to be a droid sometimes. You had never heard him clear his throat, cough, hiccup, anything that a normal human being would find themselves doing. You had never heard him hum, mumble something to himself, or even breathe heavily. Complete and utter silence. It was impressive at first, but going on almost a month on this ship, it was now maddening. How could one man be so quiet? How could he not even be bothered to share one word with you?

Sometimes you wondered what would happen if you just started yelling, but refrained from doing so in fear you’d be labeled a lunatic and ditched onto a random planet. Other times you had thought you would just march up the ladder of the ship and just force the Mandalorian into a conversation with you. After all, maybe the Mandalorian was... shy. Maybe he wasn't used to the presence of a human being. But you didn't want to be a nuisance or push him. So you decided you would let him speak first.

And oh boy, was that a mistake. Because after twenty-nine long days on this ship, he hadn't made a single attempt. When you had originally come to the conclusion you'd wait for him, that had been made with the assumption that he would eventually have to speak to you. What you didn't consider was that is was entirely possible - and probable - that the man would be perfectly content to live alongside you and never utter a word. As each day dragged on, your plan seemed more and more ludicrous. Were you really going to never speak, live in silence with the child as the only exception, for who knows how long? That was lunacy.

You briefly considered going up to the cockpit, hoping that at least would warrant some sort of conversation. But you were too tired. The child had been highly energetic and fussy today and since you were stuck in the Crest, you were the biggest source of entertainment. You had accidentally bonked your head into the wall earlier in the day and the child had absolutely found it hysterical. And you had then proceeded to do it several times in a row, each time warranting the same response. You probably should of stopped after the fifteenth bonk of your head, but if this was what made the child stop fussing, well then you would just deal with the bump on your head.

You sat on the floor of the Crest, hand cradling your head as you stared at the wall. You had tried to fall asleep, but sleeping had always been a struggle for you. Every time you managed to close your eyes and slip into slumber, your brain would remind you of the painful images and memories you tried so hard to forget. You didn't feel like dealing with the nightmares that would plague your sleep yet, so it was better to sit in the silence which was annoying, but hurt a lot less than what the night had to offer you.

Instead your mind drifted off into space, like it was traveling in hyperspace itself. You found yourself breathing in deep and slow, your body relaxing and memories of a fonder time being brought to the surface.

You didn't realize how much time you had spent sat in the same spot until you heard the thud of the boots of the Mandalorian making its way down the ladder, each clang ringing out into the small room you resided in. You looked up at him just as he planted his feet on the floor, standing upright. Even after this time, he still was an intimidating figure. But you found yourself becoming more and more compelled by it, often wondering what was under the metal.

You expected the Mandalorian to march towards the refresher like he always did, but he instead turned to you. You dropped your hand from your head, lifting yourself up from the floor to face him.

"You hurt yourself." The highly modulated voice came out and you couldn't help but to be slightly startled by it.

You nodded sheepishly. "The kid apparently thinks it is hilarious when I hurt myself."

"What happened?"

Oh my Maker, is it finally happening? You couldn't help to feel a little giddy as he continued speaking. "I kind of repeatedly hit my head against the wall."

You didn't even pay attention to how stupid you sounded until the Mandalorian tilted his piercing helmet, his T-visor trained on you. You wondered if you were making eye contact with him right now. Was he looking at your face, your head, something behind you? You didn't like that you didn't know. "Why did you do that?"

"Well, umm... it made the kid happy." you said with a shrug, looking down at your feet in embarrassment. You didn't know how, in the very rare conversations you've had with the man, you always managed to make a fool of yourself in some way. "I'm fine, though."

The Mandalorian nodded, beginning to turn away from you. You felt yourself deflate, shoulders sagging. You were just getting ready to go to your cot when he turned back towards you. "You were humming earlier."

You felt your face burn up. You hadn't realized you had ever done it in the first place and certainly hadn't realized that it was loud enough from him to hear from up in the cockpit. Or was it not that loud and he had super hearing from that helmet he wore all the time? In which case, did he hear everything you had said?

You pushed away that thought, not thinking you could handle the thought of the lack of privacy. You had probably annoyed him with the humming. "I'm sorry."

You felt your body freeze up as you let the words fall from your lips and became rigid. Why in the hell were you apologizing for? You hadn't done anything wrong or bad. This man was driving you insane with the silence so you had to fill it with some noise, any noise, and you had subconsciously done so with humming a simple tune. That wasn't something to apologize for. "Actually, I'm not sorry."

The Mandalorian tilted his helmet, his hip cocking out as he planted his hand on it. You didn't know how he managed it with no words or facial expressions but this pose seemed so... domineering? You felt yourself become annoyed with the man in front of you, perhaps irrationally so. Maybe all the annoyance with the silence was coming out, but either way you felt yourself speaking without even realizing what you were going to say.

"Are you a damn droid under there?" you sarcastically drawled out, crossing your arms over your chest and tilting your head at him.

You detected what you believed was a small scoff pass through his modulator and felt satisfied that you were gaining some sort of reaction. You'd take anything, even if it was just annoyance. "What?"

"I don't know how a human being can go so long without speaking or even asking someone how they are or anything. You must be a droid or robot or something. Actually, on second thought, I have met droids with more personality than you."

The Mandalorian paused for awhile and you were about to keep going when he spoke again. "How are you?"

Now you scoffed this time, your mind seeming to short circuit. He said it plainly but you swore the guy was messing with you. "Are you being serious right now?"

The Mandalorian shrugged. "You said I never asked how you are."

Was he messing with you or was there no brain in that tin can of his? You couldn't tell but the mere prospect that he could be messing with you in some way was nearly irksome. "You aren't allowed to mess with me. I have been going crazy in this silence for almost a whole month but oh, have I bothered the big bad Mandalorian with it? Noooo."

You should of shut up, but now you were on a roll. And honestly, this was the most rousing conversation you had had in a while, even if it was mostly one-sided and stemmed from annoyance. "I swear your vocabulary has only consisted of sighs, grunts, and saying 'This is the Way', which by the way, what does that even mean? Who just says something like that with no other context?"

You let out a loud sigh as you finished your rambling, staring back at the man of metal before you with a flushed face and piercing eyes.

"I am a Mandalorian."

Your jaw nearly dropped at the simple statement. "Oh my Maker!" you sarcastically exclaimed, throwing your hands up. "If I had known you were a Mandalorian, this all would of made so much more sense."

"I am part of a creed. I live by the way of the Mandalorians before me." The Mandalorian calmly explained.

"What does this have to do with what I am saying?" you inquired, raising an eyebrow.

"That is why I say 'This is the Way'."

You dropped your arms to your side. Your brain couldn't believe that out of everything you had said, this is what he was focusing on. "Okay. That doesn't explain why you never talk to me. Because no offense, I am a very entertaining person. And funny! And you haven't laughed at one of my jokes once."

"Maybe you aren't funny."

You couldn't help the loud gasp you let out as you stepped back, a face of pure indignation crossed over your features. "I promise you, I am hilarious, sir. You are the one with a problem."

"I don't have a problem." The Mandalorian briskly countered.

"Then talk to me!" you exclaimed.

"I'm talking to you right now."

You swore you were about to rip your hair out of your head, eyes wide as you stared back at him. "You are a very difficult man." you muttered. Your ears couldn't believe the sound that followed. "Did... did your helmet just malfunction or did you just laugh?"

"My helmet doesn't malfunction."

You stomp your food like a discontented child. "That was what finally made you laugh? My lunacy is what finally makes you feel joy?"

"Yes."

The Mandalorian then turned around, walking towards the refresher and shutting the door behind him.

You stood in your spot, absolutely shell shocked. What in the hell was that?

Night Thirty

You stood at the ladder of the Crest, eyes peering up into the cockpit. You couldn't just go up there. But you also couldn't let last night be the only conversation you and the Mandalorian wouldn't have. And it took you twenty nine days to have that rather unsuccessful conversation and you certainly as hell weren't going to wait another month for the next one. But in order to do that, you were going to have to go up.

You felt like a small child, trying to sneak into your parents room when they were in there. Like it was forbidden. But this wasn't actually like that at all... right? The Mandalorian hadn't forbidden you from entering the cockpit. He hadn't actually given you any rules or guidelines, meaning technically the ship was free for you to move about. So the ladder shouldn't feel like a hurdle to get through.

You touched your hand to the cool metal and clutched it tightly. You had done the first part, now you just needed to put the next hand on. You slowly did so, trying to be quiet. You didn't know why you didn't want him to hear you coming, considering you were going up there just to make your presence known.

You eventually ignored any reservations you had and slowly crawled up the ladder, pulling yourself into the cockpit. You planted your feet on the floor and couldn't help the small gasp that had escaped your lips as you came to face the windows that looked out into space. You had traveled in hyperspace this whole month, but there were no windows in the hull for you to look out of. This was your first glimpse of it and it was beautiful. The white lights were illuminating and danced across the metallic interior of the cockpit, which housed some seats and an intricate dashboard. It also was reflected in the armor of the man who sat in the pilot seat, staying still as he faced forwards.

Surely he had heard you come up but he didn't bother turning around. You slowly took a step forward, continuing to peer out into the window. "It's beautiful." you softly whispered.

The Mandalorian finally turned his helmet towards you and rather than verbally responding, he shook his head and extending one gloved hand towards the seat next to his own, offering it to you.

You slowly slipped into the seat, not allowing yourself to relax into it. You grabbed at the arm rests, holding yourself upright in discomfort. "I'm sorry bout last night. I guess I got frustrated..."

"It's okay." The Mandalorian responded. "I'm sorry for not talking."

You couldn't help the small smile that graced your face. Now this is what you had been hoping for. "It's fine. You don't have to."

The Mandalorian tilted his helmet down, the multiple colored lights of the dashboard reflecting off the smooth metal of his helmet. It was strangely beautiful, like a piece of art.

"I have always been by myself."

The words weren't said in the hope for pity or attention. It was a definitive statement, lacking emotion. But it managed to cause a pang in your chest. You didn't know this man, but you knew what it meant to be alone. You imagined for the Mandalorian before you, it must be even more terribly lonesome. The only contact you have being bounties you hunt down and people who only use you and then throw a few credits your way. A hidden face and hidden name. Never allowed to fully open up to someone in even the simplest way.

But that didn't mean he was devoid of emotion. You didn't even need to interact with him to know that was the truth. All you had to do was look at the child in his ship and the world he had built around him. Looking into the small bed he had crafted the kid showed he tried his best with what he had, tried to make a safe warm spot for the innocent being. Seeing the way he allowed the child to wrap his small green hand around one of his gloved fingers. The way he would hold him close to his chest and softly mumble to the child.

You didn't know their story, but you were guessing the child was a relatively new addition to the Crest and the Mandalorians life. Adding you to the crew had to be hard to get used to. Having a snarky, fully grown woman in your home probably required a longer adjustment period than a small kid who was cuter than anything you'd ever seen.

"I was alone for a while too." you confided, feeling yourself slowly become more comfortable in your seat. "I'm not saying we have to be best friends or anything. But would it kill us to talk just every once in a while?"

You gave the Mandalorian a soft smile as he turned his helmet towards you, hoping to ease any tension in the room and not seem like a bother to him. You didn't want to force him into something he was uncomfortable with, but you also didn't know how much longer you could handle the silence.

"Okay."

You let out a small sigh of relief and smiled, clapping your hands together. "Okay. Good."

You went to rise from your seat when the Mandalorian spoke again, causing you to plant yourself back in your chair. "Can I ask you a question?"

You couldn't help the small quirk of your eyebrow, considering yourself lucky that the Mandalorian was still engaging in any sort of conversation. "Sure."

"Where did you hear that song you were humming last night?"

You couldn't help the way that your smile slightly dropped at the question, or the way you straightened up in your seat. You tried to cover it as best as you could, hoping your smile didn't seem too sad. You had eventually remembered the song you had been humming last night, the song that had been ingrained in your head since you were a young child. It was one you didn't think you'd ever forget, for the rest of your days. Memories could fade away and days could slip out of your mind, but that song would persevere.

"It is a lullaby." you softly murmured, looking down at your twiddling fingers that sat on your lap. "My mom used to sing it to me when I was little..."

The Mandalorian tilted his helmet to face you and though you couldn't see them, you could feel eyes peering into you. But it didn't send a wave through discomfort through you. You found yourself reciprocating it, staring into the T-visor like you were matching his gaze.

"So did mine."

You felt an initial wave of confusion course through you. You supposed you had held Mandalorians at an almost inhuman like level. You had never even considered how families and Mandalorians intertwined. In your mind, they almost had a myth-like status of brute and solidarity. When looking at the Mandalorian before you, you hadn't even let your mind comprehend the fact that he was once a child with a family. And perhaps it was biased, but it felt like such a foreign concept. This faceless man was once just a little kid, with a mom who would hold him and lull him to sleep with sweet lullabies.

But now that you thought about it, you had so many questions. A family greatly molded you into the person you were now so how did the person before you become who they were? Were his parents Mandalorians and it was something you were raised into? Was he a child running around in a helmet with two faceless parents? Or had he been an ordinary child, an ordinary person once?

Despite the numerous questions you had, you opted not to ask any. Perhaps one day the two of you would reach a point where those kinds of questions could be asked and you could answer them in comfort. But today wasn't going to be that day. You didn't want to scare away any progress you two had made. So instead of asking, you chose to answer with something harmless. "Small universe, I guess."

"Does your family know you are here?"

Apparently, the Mandalorian hadn't minded asking the deeper questions. Or maybe you were overanalyzing, being sensitive. For most people, this was probably a normal question. But for you, it brought about so many emotions. Pain, happiness, yearning, grief. All the things you always tried so hard to avoid.

You didn't want to answer these questions. You wanted to tell the Mandalorian to stop. But you couldn't shut him out right when he was starting to open up. Couldn't slam the door in his face that you had finally convinced him to open the tiniest bit.

You felt your hands clench up, your eyes shut for the tiniest moment, and your body crawl into itself. You felt the twist of pain on your face and the ache in your chest. You tried not to, you really did. You wanted to smile and give an innocent answer that was casual and cool and collected. You didn't mean to make everything uncomfortable.

"I'm sorry." The Mandalorian spoke once again, breaking the eerie silence.

You let out a small sigh, looking back up at the Mandalorian and feeling weak. He didn't invite you to become a mess on his ship. That wasn't your purpose. But here you were, practically having 'damaged goods' etched onto your forehead. "It's fine." you slowly lifted yourself from the chair, wanting to escape, and gave him a small nod, your broken reflection looking back at you in the metal. "I should probably head to bed."

You slowly made your way towards the ladder when four works stopped you in your tracks. "Mine are gone too."

You turned to look back at the Mandalorian and peered at his sitting figure. To the average person, he looked like he always did. Strong and bold. No weakness. But you could detect the way his shoulders weren't sat as straight as they usually were, the way his helmet was tilted down towards his lap. You couldn't see the face of pain or sadness or grief. But you could see enough to sense the familiarity. It felt palpable in the room now, almost like you could taste it on your tongue. The metallic tase of pain that always lingered softly. And it sounded horrible, but it gave you the tiniest bit of comfort.

A whole new layer of the Mandalorian had unfurled before you. He wasn't just a set of armor, a glimmering metal fortress. He wasn't a Mandalorian, whose sole purpose was to hunt. He wasn't even just the plain silhouette of a person you had come to know, or rather not know, in the last month. While he was still murky and you couldn't make all the pieces out, he was becoming a fleshed out person. A man. One who had lived through life just like everyone else and had been scarred by it just as everyone else had in their own way. The only difference between him and everyone else was that he was the beskar that covered his face also hid a lot of emotions.

You almost said you were sorry, but he didn't seem like the kind of person who needed apologies. Especially if he was anything like you, which you were getting the hinting suspicion that he was more like you than you both probably cared to admit out loud.

But if not sorry, what do you say in a moment like this? You could leave in silence, even though you didn't think he would particularly mind the lack of words. A part of you wanted to console, show him that his pain was like yours and you guys could share it together, even if it was raw and bloody. You barely knew him, and maybe this was just cause he was one of the first people you had had this poignant of a moment with, but you felt connected. Was grief enough to make two people who didn't know the others last name more than strangers?

"I...I don't know your family obviously but I'd imagine they've got to be pretty proud of you, where ever they are." you spoke, words light and delicate like you were speaking to a creature you didn't want to scare off. Or maybe you were afraid of spooking yourself and running off. "I don't know you but I know a lot about people and... you seem like a good one."

The Mandalorian didn't turn to look at you but he now sat a little straighter, helmet facing towards the galaxy that you traveled through. You hoped your words had at least comforted a little.

"After all, you have to be a saint to allow me to stay here so..." you joked, a small grin cracking onto your face as you tried to cut the tension. The Mandalorian shook his head, turning to look at you and you smiled at him. You nodded towards him. "Goodnight, Mando."

It felt weird, using the nickname he had told you what felt like ages ago for the first time. But it also felt nice to address him with some sort of name, one that didn't feel as sterile as Mandalorian. You could come to probably find yourself liking this 'Mando' side of him.

"Goodnight." he returned.

You turned away, slinking down the ladder that led you back into the hull of the ship. You didn't know what it was about it, but it felt less sterile and cold than it once had. You looked over at your bed in the corner, the one you normally felt like a stranger in, and smiled. You weren't sure why but maybe here, in this moment, was actually were you were supposed to be. Or maybe things like fate and predestined meetings weren't real. Either way, you found yourself feeling like it was okay for you to be comfortable here.

Like this was a new beginning.

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beskarhearts · 2 years

Text

SILENCE (CONNECTION SERIES)

Connection series: Chapter One

Previous Part --- Next Part (coming soon)

Pairing: Din Djarin x f!reader (no use of Y/N)

Warnings: cursing, mentions of past trauma, family trauma, death

Word count: almost 9K

Summary: The constant silence of the Razor Crest, as well as the Mandalorian, will prove to be more difficult for you than you had originally thought.

Night One

You had been sitting on the hull of the ship for hours now, staring at the door you had watched close on your whole entire life. Your mind was reeling from the last couple days, clips of time shooting at you that made you feel like you were going to be sick. The most constant one was the image of the body on the ground laying behind the Mandalorian. After all, wasn’t that the one act that was completely changing your life in a way you couldn’t even understand? One split second. One movement of the finger. One pull of the trigger. And poof. Your life was gone as you knew it.

It wasn’t that your life before was something to mourn in particular. You didn’t have friends or family or a home. But it was still a peculiarity to you that you had chosen to uproute your life on your own accord, voluntarily. You had decided to say it was to protect yourself. Staying on Yungbrii would prove to dangerous to yourself if you had stayed.

But was that it? Or was it so much more?

Hours had been spent with the child, allowing him to show you around the small ship. You were grateful for the distraction. The child calmed you and you didn’t have time to allow yourself to focus on the fact that you had jumped onto a ship with a man you didn’t know and with none of your belongings but one bag and a box of tools.

In the end, both of you opted for silence and he trudged his way back up the ladder, disappearing back into the cockpit.

“You need to eat.”

You stood to face the Mandalorian. "I'm not hungry."

He nodded and moved over to a pile of supplies, rummaging through them. "I'll set up a cot for you on the floor."

"Thanks." You paused before speaking again. "Thanks for everything."

The Mandalorian didn't respond, just continuing to grab items. "The fresher is behind you. You can use it. There is a shower."

"Cool." you turned around, walking towards the small door before slipping inside of the tiny room. You closed the door behind you, let out a staggered breath.

What the hell happened?

Night Six

And bonding was something you shouldn't have been doing at all. But you realized that all too late when you had your conversation with the Mandalorian.

"I'm stopping tomorrow on Corellia." he stated.

"If you have somewhere else you want to go, I can bring you there. I figured you could find work on Corellia."

The Mandalorian nodded, turning to walk over to the refresher and shutting the door behind him, the lock on it ringing out into the silence.

Night Seven

Something you had failed horrendously at.

Or maybe you were just a miserable person who would be just as miserable here as you much as you were in Yungbrii.

"Wait."

You turned around embarrassingly quick, head jerking over to the Mandalorian. "Yeah?"

"How'd you like a job?"

The child let out a coo, ears quirking up just as yours did. "What kind of job?"

"The kid likes you. I don't know why but he does."

Your shoulders sagged and you tilted your head. "Gee, you really know how to compliment someone."

The Mandalorian seemed unimpressed by your comment (as usual) and sighed. "You stay, take care of the ship, and stick around with the kid. You'll have a safe place to sleep, food..."

"Why would you offer this?" you asked, crossing your arms over your chest.

The darkened visor peered down at the child, held tilting slightly. "I have a feeling he will need you."

"Are you sure?" you questioned.

The Mandalorian nodded curtly. And that in the end was all you needed.

Night Seventeen

But for some reason, she made him immensely uncomfortable. He would spent most his days in the cockpit, which she hadn’t stepped a foot in. He would see her only a handful of times each day, even though they lived in such small quarters. He could probably count on his fingers how many words they exchanged each day. He just couldn’t find it in himself to have a conversation or find some common ground. He had even thought she had tried to make conversation yesterday, when she asked how long he had lived on the Crest with the kid. But he found it difficult to even give the one worded response hew to get out.