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i cant fucking take it anymore. (standing perfectly still, is not visibly stressed, appears normal)

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tweet of the century

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Happy birthday Eiffel! You are now the star of a 80s scifi paperback

Alt version under cut

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Oh so you wanna get into horror podcasts? Could I perhaps interest you in the horrible no good very bad day of Jonathan Sims? Or maybe you'd prefer the horrible no good very bad day of Arthur Lester? Surely you are intrigued by the horrible no good very bad day of Douglas Eiffel?

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I haven’t felt gender envy in years but that all ended when I saw wonka…

#I will only admit this on tumblr #listen he’s just a little guy #Karl Jacob’s affect

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Percy Jackson burning the blue jellybeans as an offering to try and talk to his mom instead of his dad who’s a literal god. He was so right for that Sally Jackson is the only goddess I know

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after I watched fnaf it was like omg. I can't go to bed freddy fagbear will be in my closet

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This panic happens like every few months.

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"never trust how you feel abt ur life after 9pm" is a spring & summer & fall rule. for winter it's never trust how u feel abt ur life after 4pm

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how do we get them in the barbie movie

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i don’t think there’s anything funnier than saying “god forbid women do anything” in response to women doing the most objectively horrifying actions possible.

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Did you bring your rollerblades? I literally go nowhere without them.

BARBIE (2023) dir. Greta Gerwig

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I didn’t miss that social cue I just thought it was stupid 

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day 19(?): boredom got way worse, trying to make myself a victorian friend

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i do not ghost purposely i just have no idea what to say ever