battling-my-demons

[battling-my-demons]

i love being up early but i love being up late. and i love getting lots of sleep. what now.

[battling-my-demons]

[battling-my-demons]

Hey there, I hope you're feeling okay. In regards to your post about those kids I just wanted to say: just because you're plus-size and maybe not typically feminine does not mean you're not pretty. Screw those kids and everyone else who ever treated you like that. I hope you know you deserve love and kindness and whoever treats you badly can go to hell and isn't worth your time. Please don't let them get to you.

Thank you, anon. I'm feeling alright. You're so nice and we need more people like you in this world. I try to not let it get to me. All of it just builds up and overflows.

#kind #asked and answered #thank you

[battling-my-demons]

sometimes i wish, i was worth the risk too. that somewhere, someone out there would pursue me, and make me the only exception despite all the odds

[battling-my-demons]

[battling-my-demons]

"What's better than sex?" Discovering new music that hits every fucking spot.

[battling-my-demons]

[battling-my-demons]

A few days ago, my friend and I were minding our business and just talking about life. We were swinging on the playground. No one was around and we just needed to talk things through. Out of nowhere a group of teens approached. I heard one say something about me being on the swing. Then, one said, "hey, my buddy wants your snap and number." I knew it was a joke and I was already mentally upset and on edge. I said , "no thanks, I'm good." To which the said buddy said," I don't want nothing to do with you, fatty! " I retorted saying I had over 34k followers and didn't need another fan. They stayed across from us the entire rest of the time we were there. I know it was just kids being kids and I need to get over it. I just can't. It immediately took me back to highschool. It took me to college. It took me to right now. I've dealt with this kind of catcalling then bullying my whole life. The bullying is deeply engraved into my subconscious and my insecurities. It's something that triggers my anxiety and PTSD. These people do this for fun?! I'm still angry and hurt. Like, why are people like this?! For literally no reason! Just cuz I'm plus sized and not the typical feminine pretty girl?! Like , I'm just so annoyed. They like to cause hurt and pain for their pleasure. I'm so disgusted.

#lost #mental illness #mentally unstable #fake smile #numb #fake happy #bullies #bullying #bully #shut the fuck up #fucked up #upset #trauma #post traumatic stress disorder #traumatic childhood #traumatic experience #actually traumatized #im still traumatized #i'm traumatized #hurtful #hurt #ptsd #complex ptsd #actually ptsd #annoyed #anxious #anxiety attack #anxiety #repressed anger #repressed memory

[battling-my-demons]

Pretty privilege is completely real.

#pretty #pretty people #pretty privilege

[battling-my-demons]

[battling-my-demons]

[battling-my-demons]

This! All of this! It never goes away. I couldn't even say "boyfriend" to or bout my ex without feeling weird.

#awkward #mentally unstable #mental illness #fake smile #numb #lost #fake happy #help #pretty privilege #ugly #always alone #fat girls #fat #fat belly #fatty #the ugly duckling #the ugly one #the ugly truth #sadness #hurt #trauma #actually traumatized #post traumatic stress disorder #traumatic childhood #im still traumatized #childhood #tw ptsd #repressed memory #memories #i wish i was pretty

[battling-my-demons]

Always on alert for another bad thing to happen. Nothing good ever happens to me. Who else waits for the other shoe to drop?!

#lost #mental illness #mentally unstable #fake smile #numb #fake happy #help #the other shoe to drop #on edge #on alert #alert #bad nerves #nervous #anxious #anxiety attack #tw ptsd #actually ptsd #complex ptsd #ptsd #actually cptsd #just cptsd things #living with cptsd #cptsd problems #post traumatic stress disorder #panic attack #panic away #panic disorder #waiting for bad things to happen #why am i like this #why do i do this to myself

[battling-my-demons]

Constantly on edge. Constantly on alert. Constantly anxious. Life with PTSD and mental illness. 🙃

#lost #mental illness #mentally unstable #fake smile #numb #fake happy #help #on edge #annoyed #anxious #anxiety attack #anxiety #nervous #bad nerves #ptsd #complex ptsd #actually ptsd #tw ptsd #panic away #panic attack #panic! at the disco #panic disorder #actually cptsd #just cptsd things #cptsd recovery #living with cptsd #cptsd problems #stress #stressed #on alert

[battling-my-demons]

I have just learned that Mountain Goats are NOT, in fact, actual Goats.

[battling-my-demons]

I hate the fact that I'm screwed whether I sleep well or not. I went to bed early, for me, lasr night. I got a lot more sleep than I usually get. I STILL ENDED UP SLEEPING TILL ALMOST 1 PM! I also had a damn nightmare! When I don't sleep or barely sleep, I don't dream. When I do sleep or oversleep, I do dream. I had a nightmare where I was on some type of social media game show for talent. That was embarrassing, but it led to a nightmare where my diabetic dad was about to go into diabetic shock and possibly die! Normal/good range is 70. When it dips bellow 54 it's dangerous. It can get bad real quick. I've seen it first hand and that's why I am always panicked and barely sleep. Well, in this nightmare, he was in the 11s. That is practically death. I shot straight up out of bed. I was sweating and my chest hurt. It was scary that my dad was still at the house. Usually he leaves early in the morning to run errands. I guess it was good he was still here because his diabetic metor hasn't been alerting that he's too high or low lately. Well , he was in the 300s and that's also very dangerous. I hate that I am constantly on edge.

#diabetic #diabetes #weird dreams #dreaming #dreams #dream #night #nightmare on elm street #nightmare #little nightmares #the sounds of nightmares #tw nightmares #nightmares #scared #scary #scary night #scary nightmare #scary nightmares #panic away #panic attack #panic! at the disco #panic disorder #panicked #anxious #anxiety attack #im so tired #tired #mini rant #upset #why am i like this

[battling-my-demons]

🍂Autumn Moment 🍂