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The Fortunes and Misfortunes of the Infamous Nigar Kalfa

“Who was born in Sulina, and during a life of continued variety of four decades and two years, besides her childhood, was five years a concubine, fifteen years a Kalfa at Topkapı, two times a wife (and bedded by neither husband), three years a mistress (a Whore of a rich man), once a prisoner while pregnant, a rich women’s “confidant” for three years while stealing from her husband, two years a revert to her hometown and religion, three times a murderer, two times a kidnapper of children (one her own, one a princess), at last committed suicide and died a sinner”.

Inspiration:

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15, 16, 18, 20, 21 for An Insignificant Death

25 for A Man Like That

“An Insignificant Death”

“A Man Like That”

15. Was there anything you had to research for this fic? Do you usually do a lot of research?

Not really. I don’t do much research for my MC fics, I am going solely with the canon of the show. My MC fics are just MC fics and don’t have much to do with history.

I did take a look at the libretto of “Madama Butterfly” for the quote I sampled in the Ibrahim chapter though, of course. I never had read the libretto before, though I did watch a film adaptation of the opera some months before writing this fic. I think it was a clever reference, if I say so myself.

Do I usually do a lot of research for my fics? Not really. The most research I did for a fic was I think for Chapter 2 of my Aşk-ı Memnu Christmas fic “Our Different Paths in Life”. I did research a bit about the Ottoman New Year’s celebrations.

16. What was the easiest scene to write? (For “An Insignificant Death”)

I think Hürrem’s recollections of her memories with Nigar was the easiest part because I had it in my mind for some time before.

18. How would you describe your writing style for this fic, if you can?

I wrote it in present tense. It is not a preferred writing style of mine but I think in this particular fic it worked in distinguishing what the characters are thinking currently to what they lived through while Nigar was alive.

Each chapter is in close third person.

There are a lot of dashes and asides. It is something I like in general and I think it fit well to this fic’s tone.

There are definitely some “cringe” expressions in the fic (the one that comes to mind is “touch-starved virgin of a Kalfa” in the Ibrahim chapter) but they don’t bother me. You can’t write Nigar’s story with Ibrahim without being a bit cringe.

20. What is something you wished more people noticed about this fic?

I love this fic, I think it is my best piece of creative writing. And it has been very well-received (thank you) but there are quite a bit of stuff that I think people can notice more, especially in the Ibrahim chapter.

I think it is easy to finish this fic and think “So her death wasn’t insignificant after all 🥹” and I did receive a nice comment to this effect under the fic but I intended the opposite effect to be quite honest. This fic is ambiguous as to whether Nigar in herself had ever been significant to any of these people. Ibrahim isn’t really having a revelation at the end, it is all about him, him, him, his feelings, what he wants out of life. Hatice and Hürrem are full of disdain for Nigar but they are at least thinking about her as a person, whereas Ibrahim’s preoccupation is entirely with himself except for the Madama Butterfly moment. And I think I did a good job in leaving it ambiguous whether he loved her in any capacity. He himself doesn’t know so even a foray into his innermost thoughts isn’t enough to find an answer to that.

I also like how I used the word “adoring” for both Esmanur, Nigar and Hatice in the Ibrahim chapter.

My “Madama Butterfly” reference was also not much commented on though I commented on it myself.

I also like how characteristically each chapter for each character ends. Hatice’s chapter ends with a sentence about her being haunted and uneasy. Hürrem’s chapter ends with her pondering on her schemes and is looking forward to the future rather than to the past. Ibrahim’s chapter ends with a sentence about identity, past, Theo vs Ibrahim.

21. What is something you didn’t expect people to notice or gravitate towards in this fic?

I think overall the Hatice chapter was people’s favorite which I didn’t expect. It is flattering though, it means I got her right I guess?

25. Is there anything you would now change about this fic? Why or why not? (For “A Man Like That”)

I mean the fic in general is not very good. I guess if I have to choose one thing I made Daye Hatun too knowing and in the right? In canon she is actually not that good at ascertaining what Ibrahim will do with Nigar. She is right about him eventually leaving her but for example she is wrong about Ibrahim intending to kill Nigar. So I don’t know if making her the sane one in the situation is necessarily true. As you also commented on, her sane attitude in the fic regarding her relationship with Valide also contradicts her suicide in canon.

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Nibrahim is genuinely potentially the most interesting romance arc in this show.

It starts with the woman having a violent wet dream. They are sadomasochistic instead of lovey-dovey. He at one point tells her to kill herself somewhere other than his house. They finally come together through the sleaziest of schemes. Yet when they are actually together they are surprisingly tender and genuine. The relationship is both about Ibrahim finding his past (he even once sees a vision of his mother when she kisses him) and inherently about him being a Pasha since he is never equal with Nigar and she always treats him as her superior. We never exactly know what he felt for her, whether it was love, and he certainly doesn’t know either. He loves their child who looks like her the best of all, but he hurts her the most through that child.

It is a relationship that is both almost familial and very lustful, both violent and tender. Both almost the most toxic consensual relationship in the show and one of the most genuine and raw.

Now I think the execution of it leaves a lot to be desired, and most viewers don’t see much depth to it perhaps. It is probably seen as one of the cringiest plotlines of the show, but it takes its earnestness from that. The actors are attractive but are far from Barbie and Ken, and the eroticism of the relationship isn’t afraid to be sleazy and even a bit gross. And the relationship is cruel and devastating for the most part.

I do ship them because of the characters’ chemistry and passion, but when you actually write down the elements at play, it is also a genuinely fascinating relationship.

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Fuck, the way ibrahim looks at nigar it's like he's mentally undressing her at the spot lmao. It's so intense it makes me blush and look away even tho it's just a picture

Exactly. It is so intense and he looked at her like that as far back as Episode 27.

Ibrahim has two distinct settings with Nigar:

1- Completely indifferent, he could just as well be looking at a pencil or something.

2- He is mentally having sex with her.

But yeah, as creepy as it is, this is why I ship them and why I never buy that this whole affair thing was just about Hatice’s insult.

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If u don't answer those 20 questions.

Okay I am answering after a long while

Questions:

(Link)

My answers for Magnificent Century:

1. I don’t remember. I thought throughout Season 1 that I would hate Nibrahim but when it finally started happening I fell in love. Maybe it was the taking-Leo’s-letter scene from Episode 23.

2. 1) Nigar:

2) Ibrahim:

Complex. Unintentionally funny. Always fun to analyze. Plus I find him sexy.

3) Hürrem:

One of the most brilliant characters ever in any Turkish show. Never has a boring scene. Always human and complex and brilliantly written.

3. Erase the scene in Episode 57 with Ibrahim monologuing about how he actually loves Hatice and is only with Nigar because he is angry at Hatice and how his relationship with Nigar is “a sea of lies” yada yada. Erase it!

4. 1) One gif showcasing Nibrahim (gif by @serraseastar )

2) One gif showcasing Hürrem and Ibrahim’s banter:

3) Hürrem’s victory (gif by @hurremhasckis )

5. Ibrahim taking Leo’s letter from Nigar at the end of Episode 23 (also see the first question).

6. My current underrated fave is Sokollu and Selim’s relationship. AllyOTP.

7. I am not likely to follow them at all. Not making the same mistake again.

8. “Don’t forget this face Ibrahim. Don’t forget these almond-shaped eyes, this shapely nose, these silken hands. She is yours, she is of your blood. She only belongs to you. She is not the daughter of the Ottoman dynasty, nor the daughter of the Grand Vizier Ibrahim Pasha, but the daughter of the son of the fisherman Manolis, the convert from Parga Theodoris. Look after her Ibrahim, protect her even in exchange of your life. Because she is the only thing that belongs to you in this wide world. She is your fate Ibrahim”.

9. I would like to see more of Şah and Nigar’s relationship.

10. A lot. A lot.

11. All three mains in the first three seasons (Süleyman, Hürrem, Ibrahim) are great and complex and deserve their status as the mains. Mustafa, not so much.

12. All the fun segments I watched on YouTube of women scheming against each other.

13. Hatice/Ibrahim of course.

14. Something between fix-its and pining fics for my OTP.

15. Eh, almost everyone dies in the canon anyway so no one.

16. I think I could have rage-quitted if Yılmaz Şahin wrote Esmanur too dying.

17. It is a historical show but I really admire them for ignoring history and just making men and women freely interact. Good storytelling trumped historical accuracy in this case.

18. I think four seasons was right for this show. Now, the show didn’t always spend that time in the right way, especially in early Season 2, but the amount of time was right even if the way it was used wasn’t.

19. I can’t think of anything in particular right now but I like the commentary on the female characters in the second episode of the documentary series.

20. As you can see from my blog, it nearly possessed me and ruined my life.

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I really have to appreciate Nigar for not giving a fuck about Hatice. Like she occasionally makes a sad face when she sees Hatice and Ibrahim happy together or when Hatice gets pregnant, and she accuses her of killing her baby a couple of times in Season 3A (which is entirely fair) but otherwise Nigar simply doesn’t care about Hatice as an entity either way.

Nigar stans Şah in Season 3B but only seems to pity Hatice.

Even after Hatice ruins Nigar’s life by separating Nigar from her baby and marrying her to Rüstem, Nigar doesn’t hate her. She does mind games to delude herself into blaming Hürrem and Rüstem instead. And who can blame her? Hürrem and Rüstem are much cooler antagonists to have in your life story than fucking Hatice.

My girl took one look at Hatice and said “Nahh, not worthy of my hatred” and went on trying to seduce Ibo. Iconic.

And that’s why my fanfics about Nigar and Hatice inevitably fail. I would care about the wife of the man I am obsessed with so I make my Nigar care about her too, but the canon Nigar simply doesn’t care.

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It is so intriguing though that Ibrahim never appeared in the Nigar spin-off. He is the main antagonist of the show, a looming threat wanting to take Nigar’s daughter away from her. Not to mention that Nigar’s continuing obsession with him is a shadow between her and Alexandru, so he is relevant for the romantic storyline as well. But he is never actually shown. And they could get the actor, Okan Yalabık did make a guest appearance in the show as Niko after all. But they preferred Ibrahim to stay as The Ghost. I guess they didn’t want a main historically-based character from the main show to overshadow the new characters in the spin-off?

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A Comprehensive List of The Evidence That Ibrahim Might Have Loved Nigar

Much thanks to @zeldaxxi , @ohhmichelettoohh and @desmoonl for making this list possible

Disclaimer: Everything on this list can be argued against. Everything here is up to interpretation. And none of the points prove much on their own, they are relevant when they come together. I think this particular aspect of the show is vague enough to allow for multiple interpretations. I don’t think that my interpretation is less valid than anyone else’s.

1) Ibrahim consoles Nigar quite admirably and familiarly in Episode 21.

2) He is arguably jealous of her corresponding with Leo in Episode 23.

3) He is very touchy-feely with her in general.

4) His weird joy at finding her a servant at his house and the way he looks at her in Episode 27.

5) Ibrahim knows that Nigar has a crush on him at this point and he clearly enjoys the fact.

6) Them having sex in Episode 35. Yes, she comes to his room, but he does initiate the sexual activity.

7) He is very angry at her and is not indifferent to her between Episodes 35-44. This might be just him feeling guilty, but it could also be him still being attracted to her. The fact that he later had an affair with her points to it being latter.

8) He understands that she came by her scent in Episode 40.

9) He has Matrakçı divorce her on their wedding night. @zeldaxxi pointed out that it would be more convenient if they stayed married. He didn’t want Nigar to be a married woman. He accords her some value, and wants her solely to himself. He isn’t just horny and he isn’t just using her to avenge himself on Hatice.

10) He is tender and sweet to her throughout their affair. Yes, Nigar calls him “my Pasha” and generally satisfies his ego, but he is consistently sweet and tender until breaking up with her.

11) The massage scene in Episode 46. The passion.

12) The scene where they are discovered by Daye in Episode 50. He calls her “my beautiful woman” and you have to watch how he says it. He also wants to send a doctor for her when he learns that she is sick.

13) He does consistently call her beautiful, so no, he didn’t find her unattractive.

14) He does actually say that he loves Nigar to his brother in Episode 51 and he definitely believes it based on the acting:

15) He does say that she made him addicted to her in Episode 54 after Nigar does something sneaky.

Their eyes genuinely smile while they are looking at each other.

16) Again in Episode 54, Nigar complains to him about feeling alone at nights while they are in bed, and Ibrahim says “I will stay then”. And he stays, at great risk to himself and his relationship with Hatice.

17) He wishes for a daughter who looks like Nigar in Episode 56. He actually lists the physical attributes he likes in Nigar and wants in their daughter.

18) He has to break up with Nigar in Episode 56 because Hatice is onto him, but caresses her cheek while he is breaking up with her and says that he will never forget her.

19) In general, he had an affair with her for three years at great risk to his life, career and marriage.

20) He gained nothing from this affair except for being with Nigar. He did use Nigar’s crush to his advantage before their affair started but never during it. Nigar didn’t provide Ibrahim with any scheming advantage between the episodes 44-57 (their affair). Actually Ibrahim was generally softer to Hürrem than usual during these episodes, didn’t do much except burning her letter in Episode 48.

He also didn’t have sex with his wife after the affair with Nigar started. He was still having sex with Hatice even after her insult, but not after he started the affair with Nigar.

21) He revitalizes his love for Hatice in Episode 57 through pure nostalgia for their Season 1 selves. He never actually thinks of any scene he had with Hatice since Episode 19 (he learned of Nigar’s crush in Episode 21).

22) He wants Matrakçı to protect and provide for Nigar even when he is intending to break up with her permanently.

23) He was going to send Nigar to his brother and would probably be in communication with her.

24) He is legitimately offended that Nigar thought that he would kill her in Episode 59. Him killing her would solve a lot of his problems at that point and he has no qualms about killing other people so that the affair wouldn’t get out, yet he is offended and stricken that she would expect him to kill her. And he doesn’t know about her pregnancy yet.

25) He does try to save her in Episode 64. Hatice already intends to let the child live, but she is going to execute Nigar. He does try to save her. Is it a bit half-assed? Yeah. But he cared on some level.

(He does say to Matrakçı that he will perhaps never see his child so this one admittedly might be about the child as well. But you can read more into it. Maybe he also subconsciously doesn’t want Nigar to die).

26) When he returns he tries to avoid Nigar. Sure it is because it is dangerous for them to be in the same room but he also might be fearful that he might catch feelings again.

27) He is legitimately offended that she is seemingly on Hürrem’s side now and feels betrayed. Watch their argument in Episode 72.

28) When in the above scene Nigar asks him whether he ever loved her, he blinks repeatedly and leaves.

29) Nigar asks him to marry her to Rüstem as a last favor at the end of the scene, he seems somewhat angry.

30) When he first meets Esmanur, he repeats the “almond-shaped eyes, shapely-nose, silken hands” line he said to Nigar at her.

31) He informs Nigar of her daughter’s existence and lets her have a place in their daughter’s life. Nigar didn’t know that their daughter existed. He could have never told her. But he did. Yes, perhaps he wanted a mother for his daughter but Nigar was married with Ibo’s archenemy at this point. Yet he still went out of his way to inform her.

32) He does tell Matrakçı that he would prefer Esmanur to live with Nigar at the house he provided for them, but unfortunately Nigar is married now.

33) When at the pub Matrakçı tells him that Rüstem didn’t want to marry Nigar, Ibrahim says “that part is not obvious at all but it is not our concern”, in a tone of voice that indicates that he did think about this more than he lets on.

34) When Nigar belatedly informs him of the attempt on his life in Episode 79, he dismisses her concern for him as her trying to see Esmanur. He then says that she perhaps works for Hürrem and Rüstem. It is clear from the acting that he believes this to be a real possibility and is angry.

35) He does relent and shows Esmanur to Nigar in Episode 80.

36) He does tell her that Esmanur will never forget her and that she will see her daughter again in the future in Episode 81. The implication is that he will continue to tell Esmanur about her mother.

37) He seems vaguely thoughtful at her last declaration of love to him. Nigar herself makes a point of telling him that her heart is with him despite her being next to Rüstem.

37) In Ibrahim and Esmanur’s last scene in Episode 82, Esmanur says that she wants to go to her mother twice, and Ibrahim seems legitimately sad and thoughtful when he says that “the mother has gone far away”. It can be interpreted as him merely being sad that his daughter can’t see her mother, but it can also definitely be interpreted as something deeper.

***

None of these things are a smoking gun by themselves. I am not arguing that Ibrahim was passionately in love with Nigar to the end of his life, of course not.

But all in all, I think it is very hard to say that Ibrahim didn’t care about Nigar at all, that she was just an ego satisfaction or a fleeting fancy, that he could cheat on his wife with any woman. This list does mean something for a person as cruel, as violent, as selfish and careless-with-human-life and narcissistic as Ibrahim is. Ibrahim did care about Nigar, and loved her in his own very flawed way. Maybe he didn’t love her the most, but he did love her. He ruined her life, mistreated her. He definitely cared about his career and life more than he cared about her. But he still did care about her on a level that is somewhat surprising for him.

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My Favorite Fanfics That I Have Written

(In no particular order)

1- “Best Supporting Actress”

Summary: "When it was announced that she was nominated for Best Supporting Actress instead of Best Actress in a Leading Role, “Nihal” was saddened, but not surprised. “Bihter” was nominated for Best Actress in a Leading Role, of course".

Robert Finn’s analysis of Aşk-ı Memnu

2- “Westerosi Heights”

Summary: “Lord Baelish tells his daughter Alayne of his favorite story, a story called “Westerosi Heights” which is about a bastard boy of Essosi origin who loved his high-born foster sister and took revenge on her family when he couldn’t have her hand”.

Me going off about this similarity and getting angry

3- “Our Different Paths in Life”

Summary: “Hearing of Mademoiselle de Courton's experiences of Noël in France, Nihal and Bülent try to have a Christmas celebration at Adnan Bey's mansion. Things don't go as planned”.

4- “The Portrait Carved Into Wood”

Summary: “Nihal was a beautiful young girl living with her family in a castle by the sea. Alas, all would change with the arrival of her evil yet beautiful stepmother”.

5- “An Insignificant Death”

Summary: “In an AU where Nigar Kalfa is successfully executed in Episode 66, three characters reflect on her memory”.

6- “A Man Like That”:

Summary: “Nigar Kalfa and Daye Hatun have an argument about why she loves Ibrahim Pasha”.

****

7- NOT my fic, but @minetteskvareninova ‘s fic based on my prompt: (WARNING: Explicit)

“A Şah/Nigar fic where Şah is intrigued by what Ibrahim found in Nigar that was attractive, and things go on from there to femslash.”

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“Behlül, will you tell me? Why do you wish to marry me? Confess that this is nothing more than a joke. You would admit the possibility of anything but the possibility of this, this joke, of marrying little Nihal, that girl who looked like the pictures on Japanese fans. Yet chance brought before you a woman bound to her chair, looking to amuse her empty hours, and a father searching for an opportunity to be left at peace with his young wife. They had on their hands a girl doomed to be handed over to the first suitor who appeared. You were thought of first because you were closest. You too, were a little tired, a little bored of your life, you were looking for a little change. When this jest rolled before you, you reached out your hand. Here is a fine toy, you said to yourself, an excellent diversion for a while! Easy to discard once it’s broken…’

Nihal looked at Behlül again with a small smile, then she added, with an elegant gesture in the manner of a child throwing away a broken toy, ‘I think that now it’s time to throw away this plaything.’”

(Chapter 19)

The lucidity, the perceptiveness, the bitterness…

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“‘I’ve been to Wuthering Heights, Ellen, and I’ve never missed going a day since you fell ill; except thrice before, and twice after you left your room. I gave Michael books and pictures to prepare Minny every evening, and to put her back in the stable: you mustn’t scold him either, mind. I was at the Heights by half-past six, and generally stayed till half-past eight, and then galloped home. It was not to amuse myself that I went: I was often wretched all the time. Now and then I was happy: once in a week perhaps. At first, I expected there would be sad work persuading you to let me keep my word to Linton: for I had engaged to call again next day, when we quitted him; but, as you stayed upstairs on the morrow, I escaped that trouble. While Michael was refastening the lock of the park door in the afternoon, I got possession of the key, and told him how my cousin wished me to visit him, because he was sick, and couldn’t come to the Grange; and how papa would object to my going: and then I negotiated with him about the pony. He is fond of reading, and he thinks of leaving soon to get married; so he offered, if I would lend him books out of the library, to do what I wished: but I preferred giving him my own, and that satisfied him better.”

(Chapter 24, Wuthering Heights)

This passage is so important to me since it shows that Cathy Linton assists in the education of not just the secret heir Hareton but of a truly working-class young man eager to learn as well. Wuthering Heights doesn’t believe that education and literacy are only for the rich. Which is also meaningful for Heathcliff’s character.

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I love this miniseries but truthfully it is mostly good as a representation of the book. The casting is ON POINT though:

I like that Bihter and Nihal’s actresses are the top-billed even if the poster/thumbnail has a giant Bihter on it.

Note: Yes I was supposedly going to take a break from Tumblr but I couldn’t manage it I am addicted

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“In 1974 the general director of TRT (Turkish state television) Ismail Cem, being inspired by the BBC who makes films/series based on literary classics, recommends a similar project to Halit Refiğ, it is decided on Halit Ziya Uşaklıgil’s novel Aşk-ı Memnu for the first series. Halit Refiğ was happy, an opportunity arised for him to realize the national cinema thought that he defended without living through any monetary obstacle”.

From Yıldız Ecevit’s book on Oğuz Atay, translated by me

I often felt that Aşk-ı Memnu 1975 was inspired by the similar BBC miniseries from 60s and 70s and here is the proof.

I think these overly faithful theatrical television adaptations of classic novels had the aim of educating the populace about the national classics and creating a national culture.

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“In 1974 the general director of TRT (Turkish state television) Ismail Cem, being inspired by the BBC who makes films/series based on literary classics, recommends a similar project to Halit Refiğ, it is decided on Halit Ziya Uşaklıgil’s novel Aşk-ı Memnu for the first series. Halit Refiğ was happy, an opportunity arised for him to realize the national cinema thought that he defended without living through any monetary obstacle”.

From Yıldız Ecevit’s book on Oğuz Atay, translated by me

I often felt that Aşk-ı Memnu 1975 was inspired by the similar BBC miniseries from 60s and 70s and here is the proof.

I think these overly faithful theatrical television adaptations of classic novels had the aim of educating the populace about the national classics and creating a national culture.

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My gift for @faintingheroine 💕

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This Nigar-is-not-a-character thing (which I agree with on some level) damaged me when combined with that rude Anon accusing me of making up Nihal’s complexity.

Am I creating characters out of headcanons? Am I not any better than the “Sirius Black would be a feminist” crowd?

(I don’t actually think this. Nihal is a genuinely complex literary character).

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okay i asked about your favorite Nigar scene, what are your favorite Nihal scenes/parts of the book?

Every scene she is in?

1- Her father comparing and contrasting her with Bihter before she even comes on the scene:

“Ah! Nihal’s sorrowful, jaundiced face that seemed to complain of being alive; and in its yellow hue the deceptive joy of a fugitive pink, trembling with the delicacy of a rose that will fade at once. Those eyes that tried to fool you with their smile when she was ill, that tried to lull those around her into contentment, that laughed while deep within, her sickening soul wept. He saw the meaning behind all of these. He remembered at that time, his daughter’s illnesses, the nervous fits, the headaches that began all the way at the nape of her neck and continued for weeks…

Suddenly, he thought he saw Nihal’s sad, weeping face looking at him. For a minute he wished to have this day erased from his life. Yes, today should be erased, today, like all other days, should be spent in unsuccessful battles; he ought not to be defeated. But now the application looked like a step that could not be retracted; he could find no opportunity in his heart to change or to yield the distance he had covered. Behind that ill visage was another, one with dark hair, long lashes, and large, sleepy eyes, full of poetry and youth, that smiled at him maddeningly.”

(Chapter 2)

2- I really like this long passage about her fears regarding Bihter coming to her home:

“Nihal, her life spent in a limited sphere, taking from life only what her father and governess, her books and nannies said, not possessing a sophisticated female companion, knew no more than average twelve-year-old children. What she knew of life was limited to the confused inferences drawn by her small judgement from things she had overheard by chance, or seen in the street from the passing carriage.

As soon as she understood that a woman was to come to the house, without considering its true purport, she had felt an entirely emotional, entirely nervous anguish; her reason had no affect on this matter. This feeling could most correctly be summarised by the term, jealousy. She envied this coming woman everything; especially her father, and Bülent, also Beşir, all the house-folk, the house, the furniture, even herself. By coming into these beloved things, this woman would steal them, take them away. Yes, she could not very well figure out how, could not think clearly, but her soul felt that after the woman came, she would herself be unable to love the things she had loved thus far.

After word got out, the house-folk avoided her, in order not to chatter too much in her presence. When Nihal entered Şakire Hanım’s room, Şayeste, kneeling before her as she related something, would suddenly fall silent, Nesrin would constantly sigh and say, ‘of!’, and from all these people around her there emanated a secret meaning. So something was going to happen that she did not understand. Even the eyes that shone out of Cemile’s round face showed that this little girl was more knowledgeable than Nihal.

At first, with a curiosity that she could not get the better of, despite Mlle de Courton’s insistence, she had stubbornly refused to come to the Island. She had wished to stay there in readiness, with the attentiveness of a researching historian, in the capacity of a vigilant witness to the details of the event. She asked nothing of anyone, said not a word about the affair, but only wanted to see and to understand. Later, when she learned that their rooms would be rearranged and the maple bedroom set would be placed there, she had rather lacked the strength to stay, and, at the first blow of this affair, had been defeated and wanted to flee.

In this way she had been thinking of it constantly for the past fifteen days, as if hearing the death rattle of a dear, distant patient, but fearing that if she said one word she would hasten the end. She regretted agreeing to come to the Island. More importantly, she ought to have stayed to the finish. There was such a fear in her heart that it made her believe that on their return, the yalı, her father, everything would have been lost, that they would have been blasted by a wind. If she had stayed there, this wind would not have blown, this wind would not have been able to do anything.

And then she held a bitterness towards her father that could not be expressed openly. Whenever they came to the Island, he would visit at every opportunity, and stay with them for days. This time, he had not, not once stopped by, and had not even wondered about them enough to send a man. In the last days she never mentioned her father to Mlle de Courton.”

(Chapter 4)

3- NIHAL’S PETTINESS:

“Mlle de Courton was saying, ‘no more giving Bülent pencils. From now on, it is necessary to keep the room tidy. We will throw away all unnecessary toys. Bülent will become a little gentleman who loves to keep the house tidy. And we won’t forget to thank the Bey for this beautiful room tonight, will we, Nihal?…’

Nihal did not answer.”

(Chapter 4)

“Nihal was listening quietly, with a slight smile. Interrupting him suddenly, she said, ‘Bülent! Do you know? There is a new development in the house. Şakire Hanım and Cemile have left.’

Bülent shrugged. ‘I know,’ he said. ‘I had it from Beşir. She shouldn’t have annoyed my mother…’

Nihal pushed away Bülent’s notebook with an involuntary gesture. The day’s greatest wound had thus been opened by these words. What? So he found that woman in the right, did he? His mother!.. But the woman who had brought him up, who had looked after him, who had mothered him since the day he was born was Şakire Hanım. And these words were the recompense, were they? His mother!.. That woman…

She was looking at the child’s face without saying a word. She pushed the notebook away again. ‘I don’t want it anymore, I’m tired!..’

Bülent, not understanding, asked, ‘what about you? Didn’t you write me a letter, sis?..’

‘No, I didn’t,’ Nihal lied. ‘It’s such a silly thing to do.’”

(Chapter 9)

“Nihal, who persisted in supporting Behlül’s scheme while Bihter showed opposition, seemed, now that Bihter had begun not to object, to be distancing herself from the idea of a Japanese costume.”

(Chapter 12)

“As well as feeling a secret resentment towards this girl who talked of her father’s age, Nihal, without being able quite to identify it, also felt something like gratification. That age difference, by constituting a deficiency in this marriage, seemed to exact Nihal’s revenge.”

(Chapter 13)

“Nihal had noticed something: Bihter did not talk about it unless forced to. While Nihal had taken this as evidence of Bihter’s guardedness towards her, but she had later reached the conclusion that Bihter was dissatisfied with the idea of this marriage. Seen in this light, the jest had gained value in Nihal’s eyes. Unable to consent to the cessation of anything that tortured Bihter, she had covertly allowed everyone to speak of it, and even gave secret encouragements.”

(Chapter 18)

4) I like her first meeting with Bihter for the overly romanticized language:

“Bihter continued her progress, and all at once, with that smile that warmed the coolness of any first exchange with a gentle air of affection, she put one hand on Nihal’s shoulder, held her hand with her other hand, and drew the child’s weak body closer. With a delicate scent of violets emanating from her, she was enveloping Nihal in a fresh, spring atmosphere, and Nihal’s head had rested on her bosom. So the thing that had been so much feared, the thing that had crushed her oppressed soul in the nightmare of an awful catastrophe consisted of this young, beautiful, smiling woman, this body in whose air, as much as in a bouquet of violets, blew a breath of spring? This perfume seemed to vapourise and absorb Nihal’s soul. Lifting her eyes, her head there, she looked at Bihter, and she was laughing too. Now, under that smile of Bihter’s, she appeared to be blooming among the roses of her whole soul’s surrender.

Then Bihter, with her voice that hung a little on syllables as if singing, said, ‘you will love me, won’t you? At any rate it will be impossible not to love me… I will love you, love you so much that at last you will love me too.’

In reply, Nihal reached out her thin lips, Bihter lowered her head, these two bodies, who ought to have been enemies to each other, kissed with an affection that was born in a minute, and became friends. Yes, they had at once become each other’s friend. Nihal felt as if she had come out of a terrible dream.

When she was going upstairs to change her clothes and undress, she drew near Mlle de Courton and said, ‘isn’t it wonderful, Mademoiselle? I had thought…’”

(Chapter 4)

5) The narrowness of Nihal’s world versus the life ahead of Bülent, her waning control over him, life as a monster and a cameo from a cat:

“Bülent had been at school for a week. Sending the boy to school had been so long talked about, and Bülent, after hearing so many amusing tales of recess diversions, endless games played with a band of rascals in the sun and the dust of courtyards, had accepted this idea with such joy, that finally one day, as the child was leaving the yalı, to return for only one day a week later, he and Nihal had been laughing as they kissed goodbye. What made Bülent so ecstatic, had also been an occasion to make Nihal happy. Yet that day, after Bülent left the yalı door, Nihal had run to the window and looked after him. Bülent, in order to reach as soon as possible that new horizon, composed of entertainments heard from Behlül, was running across the stones of the dock. He did not think to turn his head and wave one last goodbye to his sister who watched him. Then something ached in Nihal’s soul. Even after Bülent turned the corner of the dock and disappeared, she continued to watch.

That evening, seeing his place empty at the dinner table, and his empty bed at night, she had felt like crying. So this was something more than a laughing matter, after all? So now a sea, a long distance, high walls, and a strange life had appeared between these two friends? He would have other companions, other loved-ones, other people than his sister to tell him what to do; at night he would sleep with other children than his sister, and everything, everything would be different. Then, without being able to judge the importance of this little matter, her spirit felt its full pronouncement: they had not just parted, their souls were to grow apart; the ties of their heartstrings would be unbound one by one, no, for Nihal, they would be torn, ripped to shreds.

That night, thinking these things, unable to sleep in her bed in her now solitary room, she considered herself completely alone in the world, and felt all the pain of this loneliness. Could they not leave her Bülent? Why had this school business been invented? Was it necessary to take children from their homes, from the arms that were content to embrace them, and throw them in schools?

Was this life? Was it the cruel law of this life not to leave two hearts to their own devices?

After Bülent’s school business was invented, she had heard these lectures on life. Life… life.. what did it mean? Was it such a terrible thing? In her itty bitty judgement, life took on a form and face; became a monster with long, tearing talons, terrible, treacherous, burning eyes. Then people, surprised, crazed, could not struggle free of the hooks of those talons, or escape the fires of its eyes.

This was the life that took her mother, and this life had changed her father, and it, always it, had hooked Bülent onto its claw, and flung him far away. Yet all of these conclusions drawn from her reasoning snagged on one point, and stuck. ‘If she hadn’t come, life would have left us alone,’ she was saying to herself.

Yes, she ascribed the full responsibility for everything, everything, even her motherlessness, to her. ‘Oh! This woman!..’ she was saying. Now her thoughts were growing muddled, and she was falling asleep; all of a sudden, she heard a shy scratching at the wood of her door. Shaking herself awake, she asked, ‘who is that? Fındık, is it you?’

Fındık was answering. Tonight, Fındık was coming to keep her company and help her forget her loneliness. How, how grateful she was this night for Fındık’s presence!”

(Chapter 9)

6) Her banter with Behlül here:

“Behlül was grabbing their bags and parasols, and taking the lead like a footman. He had seated himself between Nihal and Bihter in the boat. He was talking to Nihal. This was one of his best days.

‘Let me invent such an outfit for my little Nihal today that no one at the wedding will see anyone but her,’ he was saying. ‘But do you know? You are becoming quite a stylish, lovely girl. Let me see. Lift your eyes.’

Nihal was lifting her eyes, and asking, ‘is the gentleman pleased with Nihal’s eyes? Shall I smile a little more? Would you like to see my teeth?’

Nihal, widening her thin lips, showing her teeth, was leaning towards Behlül.

Behlül gave his verdict: ‘Yes, isn’t it so? Nihal is quite a stylish, pretty girl… Not beautiful, you know, Nihal, not what one would call beautiful, but something else: elegant, delicate, what to call it… fine, yes, a fine girl… You know those vague pictures, all the way from Japan, that strange Eastern country, painted with three or four lines, figures that resemble flowers more than people, like a graceful, lovely flower that looks as if it will break if you touch it; so Nihal, you have an air that reminds me of them. A fine poem, a girl made of jasmines, for the eyes only…’

Nihal, without answering Behlül, was asking Bihter, ‘I believe I am being praised. How should one respond to this?’ And then turning to Behlül, nodding to him formally, ‘sir,’ she was saying, ‘you are mistaken. Little Nihal is neither a beautiful girl, nor a frail flower. Nihal is no more than a Japanese with a little fan in her hand, and long pins in her hair…’”

(Chapter 12)

7) Her thoughts about the wedding. The entire thing so I only put the first paragraph:

“For Nihal, this wedding had suddenly brought to light many truths that until that day had not been clearly understood, but had only been sensed vaguely. There were certain corners seen from afar, away from the life they always saw and knew. She had never observed its inhabitants, in particular its women — the women of her own world — so closely.”

(Chapter 13)

8) Her reconciliation with her father after the wedding. The promise to not marry, the callback to woodcarved portrait, the melancholy of finding her father old, the “comedic bent” in Nihal (for she is never a one-dimensional “sad girl”), her restraining herself from making a sarcastic remark about her father’s marriage, the wish for the emerald set, the happiness with which she leaves the scene… Best scene. I won’t put the entire thing here since it is too long but I will put the passage echoed in the last paragraph of the book:

“As her soul embraced her father’s look in an air of delicate kinship, something seemed to melt in Nihal’s heart with the pleasure of a great happiness. She would throw herself into her father’s arms, and after five minutes, she would be weeping with the happiness of having found her father. But she could not find the strength to do so. For the sake of saying something, she said, ‘not a young girl, papa. When a child becomes a young girl, she will finally become a bride, won’t she? Don’t you remember? When I was little, you used to ask me: “Nihal, whose will you be?” I, doubtless in all seriousness, would reply, “yours.” Don’t be alarmed, I’m not of that mind now, but I will stay with you. Do you understand me, papa? I will always stay with you…’”

(Chapter 13)

9) Her feelings after having fights with Bihter, everyone who ever been an angry teenager (most of us) can identify the accuracy of the feeling.

10) The passage where she dreams about her mother’s grave:

“Then, when the black, winter days poured their deathly darkness wave upon wave through her window, she would feel a chill and shiver suddenly. To die! Who knows, how beautiful it would be! But how awful… It was its very horror that was beautiful. A black hole, and she, lying there, with her wholly pallid face and yellow hair, wrapped in a white, snow white shroud, and far above, a rain falling from black skies upon the black ground, as if stroking the young girl’s grave; there, those healing tears!.. Since, in this life, she had no generous heart that would wet her yellow hair with its tears, she would find these tears in her grave. As the sky scattered its drops like a mother weeping over her daughter, slowly, heavily, her soul would drink them from the grave, this dead young girl’s colourless lips would find freshness with a happy smile. Then, who knows, perhaps through the dark paths of the graves, from the black halls hidden under the earth, a dead woman, her mother, dragging her white shroud, clawing the soil with her fingernails, would open a way, and come to her daughter so as not to leave her alone at nights, and with her lips seek out her ear among her hair, and in a quiet voice, not to be overheard by the living, would say, ‘my Nihal, my little Nihal! Only I find you justified.’ Yes, only she would find little Nihal justified.

As she sat in her room, alone, thinking about death, she would see in her mind’s eye the fresh grave of a young girl, and resting her chin on her hand, staring into space, would seem to keep vigil at the head of that grave.

If only it were possible to be thus split in two! A Nihal who was dead, kissing her mother in her grave, and another Nihal, standing at the head of the grave, with her chin in her hand, her yellow hair disheveled, her eyes open to a horizon that no mortal could discern, unmoving, living as if she were not living, a statue placed there only to weep, but alive, a grieving statue.”

(Chapter 13)

11) Her feeling of her father being the one who makes her sad rather than vice versa. There is a rebellion in it that I like:

“And then they would say to her, ‘you are making your father unhappy!..’

But her, they were making her unhappy too. Who? Why? How? She did not know, but here she was, unhappy. Today, more than ever… So they now expected this great sacrifice from her too, from her weak heart? So if she were to cry, and revolt against this, they would stand before her and say, ‘Nihal! You are making your father unhappy.’ But who was it who was truly made unhappy?..”

(Chapter 14)

12) Her complicated feelings about the prospect of marrying Behlül:

“In the beginning, she had enjoyed the jest about marrying Behlül; then it had become a topic that somehow oppressed her. She would think about it inadvertently at night, and be unable to sleep. There was a voice in her heart that told her: avoid Behlül. It sounded like Mlle de Courton’s voice. Truly, had she not once told her something of the sort? She could not remember very well. One night, perhaps in a dream, someone — was it Mlle de Courton? — had leaned in and whispered these two words in her ear. Since then, these two words had rung in her ears.

One time, gathering her courage, she had said to herself, ‘since a girl must become a bride, in that case, instead of it being someone else…’

After she had found the courage once, she had continued to repeat this involuntarily, and with each repetition she would want to escape herself, to be sequestered as if she had committed some great offence. For a few days she promised herself to try not to pay any attention to the talk about marriage, but that jest followed her around the house, dogging her steps. She was particularly tired of Behlül. She could no longer treat him in a brotherly way. She discovered in herself, ungovernable nervous impulses. Since this jest was invented, it was as if an unknown hand was scattering cold drops upon the intimacy that had existed between them.”

(Chapter 18)

“This page that promised sunshine and happiness, this page came after pages that were so worn with tears and despair, and ended their pain with such bright joy, that as she listened, the old girl would be as happy as Nihal. Had she not told her little Nihal so, on that last night? Had she not said that she would be happy whenever she had news of her happiness?

Yet, when Nihal sat on her chair to write, her eyes remained fixed absently on the blank sheet, in the wavering light of her candle, and she had been unable to find the first word of this bright page. There was a secret, indescribable fear in her, a hint in the intoxicating air of this happiness that made her tremble a little, that seemed purposefully to draw a thin line of darkness on this new, clear horizon, and kept her from surrendering herself entirely to her felicity.

She had wanted to understand this fear. She only found something in her heart that ached like a deep point of pain. This marriage had been thought of, and put into motion for others’ happiness, not hers. Following what dark, winding traces, she saw her father preparing this alliance in secret with Firdevs Hanım and Behlül, working to be free of this fractious girl. Then she felt a great enmity towards her father. How many times, moved by this feeling, in order to be avenged on them, she had wanted to dare to begin a mutiny that would put an end to this jest; but each time, with an irresistible weakness hampering her, she had felt a laxity that made her desire its continuation. Did she love Behlül? As she posed this question to herself, she felt the need to shake her head to give emphasis to the reply.

‘I don’t suppose so,’ she would say, but again there was a truth that she admitted to herself: perhaps she did not love Behlül, but she wanted to be loved by him. She thought this was enough to be happy; then, when this jest ended in a reality that night, Nihal suddenly found herself reading those lines in her heart that had remained doubtful until then. Yes, she loved Behlül, too. And who knew, since what hour? Yes, she loved him, she could only be his wife. Once she had confessed this, she felt freed of a great load.”

(Chapter 20)

13) Her ability to see through everyone in this great dialogue:

“Behlül looked on with a pained smile. There was such a deep remonstrance in this smile that the jesting smile on Nihal’s lips vanished instantly, and she said, ‘Behlül, will you tell me? Why do you wish to marry me? Confess that this is nothing more than a joke. You would admit the possibility of anything but the possibility of this, this joke, of marrying little Nihal, that girl who looked like the pictures on Japanese fans. Yet chance brought before you a woman bound to her chair, looking to amuse her empty hours, and a father searching for an opportunity to be left at peace with his young wife. They had on their hands a girl doomed to be handed over to the first suitor who appeared. You were thought of first because you were closest. You too, were a little tired, a little bored of your life, you were looking for a little change. When this jest rolled before you, you reached out your hand. Here is a fine toy, you said to yourself, an excellent diversion for a while! Easy to discard once it’s broken…’

Nihal looked at Behlül again with a small smile, then she added, with an elegant gesture in the manner of a child throwing away a broken toy, ‘I think that now it’s time to throw away this plaything.’”

(Chapter 19)

14) Her suicidal vengefulness after learning of the affair. It is long but it is the best:

“Something caught in her throat. She thought it would overflow in a flood of tears, but then this knot stuck, and without crying, without saying another word, she leaned her head back, and closed her eyes, wanting to think to the rhythm of the ferry’s light rocking.

Yes, why was she going down? As soon as she saw those two lines, she had had the idea of leaving the Island, of going home, and once this idea had taken hold, she had not had time to think of anything else. What was she going to do now? As this question drew with a pen that scratched at her mind, she was seeing herself standing before her father. She was going to crumple that piece of paper in her hand, and throw it in his face.

‘There, you crushed your daughter’s life just like that,’ she would say, ‘you crumpled it, turned it to tatters, and now you can toss her out of the window.’

So this woman who had taken her mother’s place, this wife of her father’s, this creature who had taken everything from her one by one, with a ruthless anger, was finally reaching her claws to take her last source of happiness. So they had tricked her? So this marriage was a joke? An awful, treacherous game devised to kill her?

She was seeing Behlül at her feet, hearing his pleading voice that trembled with an intense emotion. Behlül, at the edge of a forest that opened up under a green moon into a love nest, was saying, ‘I love you, little Nihal.’ In fact, he was coming to realise that he had always loved her. His only hope of happiness lay in this marriage. How happy she had been until that morning! She thought of the letter she had written to Mlle de Courton: little Nihal is so happy, so happy,’ she had said. Half an hour later, little Nihal had grown so wretched, so so wretched…

Lying paper! And how painfully strange that this page was now in Behlül’s pocket, smiling secretly with its false tidings of happiness. Behlül’s hand would shortly drop it in the post box. And in a few days, when that lying piece of paper was far away, fooling someone who thought of Nihal, who knew what would happen to Nihal here?

So this wedding would not take place? She repeated those two lines in her mind: “She has confessed everything. That plan is no longer feasible… Be here this evening at all costs!”

Suddenly her heart trembled with a hope. Maybe this was nothing! Perhaps the plan mentioned was something not at all concerned with her. Then, against this hope, she was hearing the mocking laughter of a treacherous voice in her heart, and felt an iron hand pierce her breast and tear at her lungs. In a flash, through the intermingling of what wandering thoughts kindling into a spark of understanding, she saw the truth hidden between these two lines, that awful truth. This was but a moment’s flicker. Until then, she had seen nothing but the treacherous face of a woman who wanted to make her miserable. Now, behind this face, she saw the countenance of that dirty, that ugly truth.

So that was how it was?..

Opening her eyes, she glanced at Nesrin. Perhaps she knew all. Not only her, but everyone knew, and had only hidden it from Nihal. To make her even more miserable, to kill her with a more potent weapon. There was another miserable wretch who had been betrayed alongside her: her father!.. Poor man! Then she found a strange comfort in being made miserable by the same blow, together. This blow would kill her, but she would be avenged on her father… This was filling her heart with such a wild satisfaction that she blessed this blow that would take her revenge on her father by killing her.

Finally, she was gaining her victory, her justice; by dying, by giving up her life, but finally it would be known! She would run laughing to her father, show him the piece of paper.

‘Here,’ she would say, ‘do you see? Behlül cannot be a husband to your daughter, because he is the lover of the woman who came in place of my mother. This will kill your itty bitty Nihal a little, but what’s the harm in that? Since you have possessed the choicest woman in Istanbul…’

How she would laugh as she spoke, and then, as she laughed, fall at this father’s feet, and still laughing, glad to die, how happily she would give up her life. Yes, that was why she had wanted to escape the Island, to return home. It was necessary for her to die, in order for her vengeance on her father to be complete. With the comforting lightness of this thought, she stood up. She gazed out of the window, in order not to think further. The ferry was taking on passengers from Heybeli, chatting, unhurried, as they alighted. She watched them for a long while. As the ferry left the pier, she continued to watch the waves that ran from her gaze. After a clear morning, there was now a bleariness in the air, a tendency towards rain. With a listlessness as if there was nothing on her mind, she attended to the weather, followed, for a long while, the mists that heralded the approaching rain, and then dispersed.

‘I think we will be caught in the rain,’ she said to Nesrin.

Her poor sheet!.. Now she was sorry for her sheet, the sheet that had been made for her and Bihter that spring, of a dark green with faint speckles. Then she thought to herself, ‘since I am to die.’

So poor Nihal was really going to die. They could give this dark green sheet to an orphan girl. And she remembered one by one, all those dresses, and sheets that had been made lovingly, those thousand little things that filled her drawers. All these were now pointless, they would be thrown away, given to the poor. Yet in each of these things was hidden some tie to her, there were such strong bonds between them and her heart. It was necessary to forget these, and even things that had been thought of for the future. A large, velvet case was opening up before her, and looking at her with its smiling, green eyes. She would have to relinquish this too, this set of emeralds, since she was no longer going to be a bride.

So that was how it was?”

(Chapter 20)

15) Her being unable to pity the dying Beşir. Very honest:

“Behlül would certainly not come. So this fear had been nothing but childishness. How had she imagined it? She was trying to laugh at herself. As she opened her window, in order not to think on this subject, she said almost aloud to herself, ‘poor Beşir.’

She wanted to transfer these feelings to Beşir.

The weather was totally overcast; the clouds above her piled upon each other in black clusters. Undoubtedly, it would rain. Nihal sat there, leaning her elbow on the windowsill. It was thundering in the distance, with a deep rumble, the odd large drop was falling on the dust-covered leaves of the trees. There were just such clusters of clouds piling up in her head, and far away, in the depths of her brain, thunderous rumblings. Then, as lightning kindled with a series of liquid blue lights, she, shivering with the lightning flashes that flared and died in her brain, was saying, ‘he won’t come.’

And again she wanted to think of Beşir. She had finally realised today that Beşir would die. But she was angry at herself that she could not think of Beşir, could not pity him entirely. Why wasn’t she crying?”

(Chapter 22)

16) Her somehow managing to plead to her father despite having fainted:

“Adnan Bey had lifted Nihal with the lightness of a child, and was carrying her up the stairs. As she ascended thus, in her father’s arms, Nihal drew in a deep breath, and opening her eyes, gave her father a long look. Then, having said all she wanted to say with this look, her eyes closed once again.”

(Chapter 22)

17) Life (or death) continuing on in other places but Nihal having to return to being a child but it being in vain because her experiences mean that she grew up:

“Nihal had only lain ill in her room for three days, but her convalescence had been ongoing for three months.

‘Don’t stay here,’ the doctors had told her father. ‘Take your daughter on long drives in the Island sun, among the pine forests,’ and for three months, father and daughter could be chanced, morning and evening, in the old aunt’s one-horse carriage on the Island.

It seemed as if one of them had aged, and the other grown more childish. They had a habit of talking little, but of sitting close together in the carriage, of walking with one leaning on the arm of the other, that gave them the appearance of two patients who found their cure in each other.

Not a single, solitary word had been exchanged on either Behlül or Bihter between father and daughter. They were avoiding that unfortunate memory, and seemed to have forgotten the past few years. At rare moments, in one or two words, they dreamt of the future.

Adnan Bey had written the old governess a long letter, and received a short reply: Mlle de Courton would come at the beginning of winter; Şakire Hanım and her husband, having married off Cemile, would leave the two lovebirds in peace in their nest, and spend the last years of their life at the yalı; Bülent would not board at the school. There would once again be long chases around the garden, there would be deserts prepared among the shiny pots of the little kitchen, following recipes discovered in books. Life would once again be an endless holiday for them, now that the father had returned to his daughter, and the daughter to her father.

Only Beşir was missing. ‘Oh, poor Beşir!’ Nihal would say, and then, not wishing to dwell of this awful memory, she would continue, ‘isn’t that so, papa? How we will laugh, you remember, the way we used to laugh…’

And trying to find one of the happy laughs of her happy days, she would throw her arms around her father’s neck with a dry, broken laugh that caught with a sob of agony, would pucker her lips, and kiss him right there, on the bare, beardless spot under his chin.”

(Chapter 22)

18) The GREAT ending:

“As she considered these things, she was drawing her father little by little. She wanted to return to that pine wood, that green nest, that vision that had been carved in emerald. She stopped at the edge of the wood; there seemed to be a hand that held her back.

She stood, watching; perhaps they were in there, the happy betrothed: Behlül and Nihal… Her lips trembled with a pained smile, she forced herself not to think of this, afraid that this thought that entered her mind would make her father unhappy. Did she not owe her life to her father from now on? Only to him?

Now this father and daughter depended on each other to live. As she repeated this, a fear was passing through her mind with the speed of lightning: what if one of them was left alone? Then, to escape this fear, she was tugging at her father.

‘Let us leave,’ she was saying, and shutting her eyes, her heart was answering that fear with a prayer: ‘together, always together, in life, and in death…’”

(Chapter 22)

Yes I put nearly all of her scenes, she is that great