ashes--writes

[ashes--writes]

An Unsent Letter 5

Dear first love,

I am sorry. I am sorry for breaking your heart. I am sorry for not loving you the way you loved me. You taught me the art of loving unconditionally. I am sorry I wasn't able to understand it then. If I did, maybe I would still have you. I didn't know that someone can love me without any conditions. All my life I have believed that I have to be or act certain way for me to be loved. I just couldn't accept that someone can love me just for existing. You loved me even when I gave you hundred reasons why you shouldn't. Thank you for showing me what it means to be loved truly. And I am sorry that in return of all that love, all I gave you were scars. I am sorry that you are still fighting battles that I started. I am sorry that I give you nightmares when it comes to love. I am sorry it takes so much from you to feel love again. I am sorry. You are a very beautiful part of my life, even if I don't see you anymore. And even if I wanted to have you back, I wouldn't do that to you. Previously because I knew I couldn't love you the way you deserved to be loved. Now because I don't want to renew your old scars. You deserve so much better. Someone who broke you cannot put you back together.

You told me that you are seeing someone else now, someone who loves you for who you are. I am so happy for you. And I think I have found someone I am willing to risk everything for and it wouldn't have been possible if it wasn't for you. You have taught me how to love. I am so thankful to you. I don't know what future holds for me, for all I know I might end up heartbroken, but this time I feel braver. You have taught me that love is worth the risk and I am grateful to you for that. We met at the wrong time. I didn't know what to do with all that love. I didn't know how to accept it. Now, I do.

I will always have a corner in my heart, reserved for you. Thank you for being a part of my story. Even if ours was only a short chapter, it was one of the most beautiful ones.

From,

Your First Love

#first love #writers on tumblr #my writing #break up #life #harsh reality #rejection #heartbreak #breaking up #heartbroken

[ashes--writes]

An Unsent letter 4

Dear 'maybe someday',

I like you very much. Maybe love you even. I know you know that. But I understand, you are not looking for anything serious right now. I also understand that you talk to me because you are lonely. But I don't want that. I don't want to waste my time on someone I know I won't have a future with. I am not into casual dating anymore. I was happy with myself. I just hoped I would get to share it with you. Our goals are very different, right now. I don't blame you for wanting different things than me. Yes, I do wish you could have loved me back, that we could be something someday. But I understand. Dreams aren't always meant to be reality. Although I am sad about it, it's okay, I accept it. I would have stayed, but I don't want to purposefully put myself through something where the end has already been decided, in the hopes of a Maybe that may or may not happen. I know that I deserve better than that. I deserve someone who chooses me, not someone who settles with me because he was lonely. I deserve to be appreciated, not tolerated. I really wanted it to be you, but we don't always get what we want. All we can do is just accept it and move forward. Maybe somewhere ahead, someone might want to stay. And maybe someday, you will want to stay too.

From,

Your back-up

AsheS

#writers on tumblr #sadgirl #my writing #life #priority #second choice #second person pov #other girl #tolerate it #deserve better #you are not mine #moving on #break up #breaking heart #harsh reality #self love #self esteem #rejection #not mine #situationships #friendzone

[ashes--writes]

I was changing.

As much I liked the new me, I missed the good me.

~AsheS

#writers on tumblr #self love #new me #people change #sadgirl #good person #good girl #bad bitch #mean girl #fit in #new friends

[ashes--writes]

To me, writing is about how we see. The writers I want to read teach me how to see-see the world differently. In my writing there is no separation between how I observe the world and how I write the world. We write through our eyes. We write through our body. We write out of what we know.

-Terry Tempest Williams

[ashes--writes]

Maybe it feels like I over-exaggerate or make things more dramatic than it is. Maybe you can't believe that things like that happen in real life.

But I want you to know that I am a writer. I notice details that are normally forgotten. And I add those details when I tell my story, to myself and to others, making it sound like something out of a movie.

It's all on the perspective. I speak how I see the world.

Everyone's life can be a book or a movie, you just have to be a good storyteller.

#writers on tumblr #story teller #my writing #quotes #truth #writers #readerscommunity #books #sadgirl #journal #journalling #way of life #storyteller #dramatic #chaotic #exaggeration #hopeless romantic #perspective #intense

[ashes--writes]

A broken unspoken promise

An unspoken promise, and some hope,

One tale with two different goals.

Hope designed the illusion for you,

My smiles told stories not true.

Sunkissed hallways, sweet laughs,

Hid the coldness of one heart.

I remember the gentle words

That, once, rained on my troubled thoughts.

Realization dawned upon me,

A sad memory was all you could be.

Denial coated the unwanted truth,

Once there was all, and now, there was none.

I ran and ran, until I couldn't anymore,

My trail masked by the planned ignorance.

Chose the easy way out,

Gifted you the hard one.

For ages now, cowardice dances with me,

And never once did I complain.

I flew worlds, I changed dimensions,

You grew into a forgotten memory.

You tried to cross my way, only to fail,

Experienced as I am, you were new.

My coldness making you numb.

I was not supposed to be venomous,

But I was dangerous of them all.

My poison hides behind the sugar,

Instilled years ago, continues to exist now.

A defence to protect the weak heart.

For it was the glue that held me together,

And the same one that broke you altogether.

~AsheS

#self loathing #writers on tumblr #my writing #poetry #villain #abandoned #break up #breakup #anxious #second thoughts #falling out of love #player #sadgirl #sad thoughts #anxienty #fear of abandonment #fear of rejection #fear of love #trust is hard

[ashes--writes]

An Unsent Letter 3

To his future lover,

I know you don't want to hear this, especially not from someone who broke his heart. I know he might have talked about the girl who broke his innocent heart, and how he still kept pining after her, because I know I am an important chapter of his story, a turning point but that's all I will ever be, a chapter in his story, never an epilogue. You still have the chance to be his epilogue. And I am writing this to you, wanting you to be in his epilogue because he doesn't deserve any more heartbreak. I know, you'll stay and I know you'll give him the love that I failed to give.

I just want to remind you of the different ways where you can make him feel loved. I just want you to love him with all you have, because he'll love you with everything he has and more. His love would shine through his eyes and you'll know it. You'll know it when his eyes light up when he sees you or when he holds your hand. He won't be afraid to show the world about how much you mean to him, and I hope you won't be embarassed to express your love either. He would take the long way home just to spend more time with you. I ask you to hug him when he reads the poem that he has written for you. It's all his expression of love. Show him you accept his love. But most importantly, tell him you love him. Tell him when you feel the butterflies in your stomach from his gentle gaze. Tell him when you feel the warmth when he smiles at you. Tell him you love him when he says he loves you, because you know that you love him too.

I know that somedays are going to be difficult, that there will be days when it's hard to love and it's okay. But he'll always be there for you, meeting you halfway. He will never make you feel that your love is unreciprocated. And your smile might just make his day. He wears his heart on his sleeves, and be careful when you hold it. Don't let it fall and break, it's already been broken once and it has probably taken him long time to piece it all together. So hold it gently and fiercely. And maybe you don't need me tell you this because there must be a reason why you are beside him and I am not.

From,

Someone he once loved.

#writers on tumblr #life #my writing #poetry #villain #break up #breakup #regret #sadbeautifultragic #sad thoughts #sad truth #future lover #unsent letters #letters #sadgirl #back to december #breaking up #breaking heart #how to be a heartbreaker #ex lovers #wishes #well wishes #last kiss

[ashes--writes]

Once I was your accomplice,

Now I am the villain of your story.

#writers on tumblr #quotes #life #my writing #villain #poetry #sad thoughts #sad truth #break up #breakup #dumper #other side #how to be a heartbreaker #the only heartbreaker #wishful thinking

[ashes--writes]

To be left behind

Dairy entry #4 excerpt

I don't know when or how I will die. Will it be a tragedy and my life would be cut short? Or will it be in old age where I have lived and experienced life? Who will I leave behind? If I were to die of old age, it's kinda fascinating that the people I haven't met now, would mourn for me afterwards.

#existential crisis #existential questions #existential despair #life #life quotes #my writing #life and death #infj mbti #writers on tumblr #diary entry #personal diary #blogging #my thoughts #living #experiencing #life questions #philosophy

[ashes--writes]

I kept picturing you as a villain,

I forgot those times where you were my saviour.

~AsheS

#quotes #writers on tumblr #life #life quotes #my writing #novel #villain #break up #love quotes #just acceptance #little hope #goodness #sympathy #infj mbti #mbti #empathy #loving #good person #circle of life

[ashes--writes]

To die

Diary entry #c excerpt

And I think of the people who have died, I realise that these people had their whole world in them. They had people they loved, had first kiss, fell in love, had their heartbroken, had learned something new, had helped, had sang, had some secrets, had whole universe inside of them. The things that they experienced, that they felt, no one other will. No one other will live their life, have the same thoughts, same experiences as them. Maybe similar, but never the same. Like the people that have died in tragedies, in wars, even dying of old age, now they are just a stat on a page. And I feel sad that one day my universe will cease to exist with me. My thoughts, my imaginary world, my secrets, my stories will die with me. And someday in future, people will never know I sat at this place, writing this.

#life #writers on tumblr #infj mbti #infj stuff #writers #diary entry #existential crisis #tragedy #sad thoughts #sad truth #fleeting

[ashes--writes]

Being Judged

Diary entry #b excerpt

As far as I know, there isn't a specific way to live. We are different, and we deserve to choose how we want our life to be, without anyone's judgement. Why do they have to tell you how to live your life? I can do whatever makes me happy as long as I am not harming anyone. Their way of living isn't the only way to live.

#life quotes #quotes #life #writers on tumblr #my writing #happiness #musings #writers #diary entry #personal diary #judgement #tired of this shit #way of life #self love #selfishworld

[ashes--writes]

Acknowledge

Dairy entry #a excerpt

I want someone to hug me, and tell me that they acknowledge my fight, and understand how difficult it is, that I am doing good, that they are with me, that they will be there whenever I need them. That they won't judge me for what I can't control, that they wouldn't flex how confident they are, that they won't act like they have been through that, when they have not. I don't know, I just need someone to understand my struggle. Maybe I can be that someone to me, and I won't need anyone else, but that's a big maybe. I hope everything will be alright, someday.

#anxienty #self love #self loathing #sad thoughts #fight #mental health #battle #worries #anxious #writers on tumblr #life quotes #diary entry #personal diary #journal #my writing #unsent letters

[ashes--writes]

Devil fascinates us,

Until we are burned by the heat,

That radiates off his fires.

#metaphors #toxic people #mental instability #writers on tumblr #quotes #life quotes #my writing #infj mbti #musings #writers #break up #self love #sad love #lost love

[ashes--writes]

"Let Go", they say, and I do,

But no one talked about the aftermath.

Endless falling into a bottomless pit,

With nothing to hold on to.

#writers on tumblr #quotes #life #life quotes #my writing #musings #writers #letting go #break up #sad truth #sad thoughts #my thoughts #falling #breathe #clueless

[ashes--writes]

Do you ever wonder how much you exist in other people’s lives? I’m always curious if people think of me when a certain song comes on, or when they pass through a certain town. I wonder how many stories I’ve been a part of that I may have forgotten. I wonder if I still I exist in the minds of people that I don’t speak to anymore. I wonder how many times a day I pass through someone’s head.

[ashes--writes]

An Unsent Letter 2

To my body,

I take you for granted. You struggle so much for me. But I am ungrateful to you and you don't deserve that. Every time something goes wrong, I always think of hurting you, and sometimes, I do. I am sorry, you don't deserve the punishments for my mistakes. After working non-stop to keep me alive and healthy, I treat you in such a bad way. I hate on you and make you feel so insecure and call you ugly, you don't deserve that. I should stop hurting you. You are doing your best. You are so beautiful. I fail to remind you that. Instead I pick on your flaws. Every scar on you has a story to tell, and I don't know why I fail to realise that. I don't deserve you but too bad, you are stuck with me.

Now, I promise to try my best to take care of you. I will pamper you with love and care. I won't hurt you when things get too much to handle. I won't call you ugly, instead admire you for what you are. I am grateful to you and I would always remind you that. I will be the person deserving of you and all I need is your support. I love you. I am thankful to you. You are beautiful and I want you to remember that.

Love,

Your Lifelong Companion.

#unsent letters #body positive #beautiful #self love #self care #self harrm #i am ugly #sad truth #writers on tumblr #my writing #musings #writers #love myself #love yourself