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antanomally · 6 months

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Nene and Aoi’s friendship doesn’t change and it is a problem.

Aoi is the first friend Nene makes at the academy, so they have known each other for a while.

Nene is sweet to Aoi, she consistently worries for Aoi well being when she is in danger, and shows great care for her, always going for Aoi when sharing her romantic woes.

The manga shows mostly Nene venting about love, while Aoi engage but never bring up her own problems. Aoi is guarded and rarely vulnerable with Nene, something that over the years, we are told Nene have noticed.

But when Nene says “Sometimes I think that she only gets close to me,” She is severely overestimating how much she understands Aoi, most of her interactions with Aoi are with a friendly persona.

When I say ‘friendly persona’, I do not mean Aoi is faking liking her, her friendship with Nene is genuine, Aoi only have two people she is deeply attached to at the start of the manga, and Nene is one of them. I just mean Aoi always shows off her cute and cheerful side, even when she isn’t feeling like the ‘cheerful girl’ she displays, her approach is always the same.

Her words here are condescending as hell but she still acts cutesy and friendly: It comes off as superficial. And a lot of what she says is pretty fake, just things that people expect a popular girl to say, things we know she doesn’t believe in or relate to:

“It’s all about experience!” “why don’t you date him just to try it out?” as if she ever dated someone, or viewed love and relationships as something to try out and move along, instead of a concept she is scared of.

But no matter how different from her personal beliefs Aoi’s words are, no matter how long Nene have known her, she always falls for the ‘popular girl’ approach.

Nene is confident Aoi is the girl everyone loves: She always pictures Aoi with a cute smile, oblivious in her throne, able to get any guy she wants.

And yet, even with that mental image, Nene doesn’t know what being popular really means.

When Aoi visits the stage, Nene is confused as to why she would ever go here.

Akane is the one who gives Nene an exposition on Aoi, dropping hints that her life is not a sea of roses.

When Nene hears this, she ignores that her friend was put in situations where she was pressured to do things she doesn’t want to, often in isolated places, to the point she constantly need to be protected, or how Akane looks troubled that this is a recurring problem. Instead, she focused on Akane’s devotion.

Nene’s fantasies of popularity are sugar coated, so she subconsciously undermines Aoi’s troubles and focuses on Akane’s behavior, which fits her personal reality that being popular is amazing and “Boys will do anything for Aoi, she is so desirable!”

Attention is attention, and since Aoi gets lots of attention, Nene puts Aoi on a pedestal: Give her a life devoid of issues.

Her view is in part Aoi’s fault. There is truth to what Akane said here:

Nene doesn’t ask about Aoi’s life, or go in dept about her own, but Aoi is the one that consistently plays along, she is the one that keeps the focus on superficial topics and make an effort to only shows Nene her cheerful and cutesy side. It makes their interactions feel empty: there isn’t a single instance in the manga where they have a talk that isn’t about boys, or school rumors, which are always used to move the plot along, not expand on the basis of their established friendship.

There is a mutual lack of interest to change what they have: Nene because she is content with the way things are and see no need for change, and Aoi because she is Aoi.

With Nene’s view of Aoi in mind, the lack of depth in their interactions, and Aoi’s playing along with the cheerful popular persona, I am not surprised Nene didn’t notice there was something weird with Aoi on the Grim Reaper Sacrifice arc.

Of course Aoi is so chirpy and playful after being kidnapped by a demon, nothing can phase her! Of course she knows the exit, that’s a popular girl for you!

The cute and smart Aoi is the only Aoi she knows well, so unlike Akane, Nene fully trusted her words and reasonings, falling in the hole.

Somehow, something as big as this betrayal doesn’t change her view on Aoi.

The only Aoi focused thought we get outside a chapter recap is “Sumire looks like Aoi.”

Which clearly has the “cute girl everyone can’t help but love” in mind.

When she does think about Aoi in the severance/rescue arc is always about the lifespan dilemma, not Aoi’s strange behaviour or why she acted like that. There is no wonder as to how Aoi feels, or if she did something wrong herself to be ‘thrown in the trash’, there is no thoughts at all about this other side Aoi have shown. No reflection.

Her view hasn’t changed in the slightest, just look at the way she talks about Aoi with Katakuri in the red house.

And we know that’s not true.

It was never true.

Nene is still her friend, she may be oblivious to a lot but she has been by Aoi’s side for years, so she knows more about Aoi than an average person would. She noticed Aoi genuinely loves and is proud of her plants.

She also knows Aoi has a crush on Akane and the knowledge made her discard him from being a possible crush option despite once upon a time finding him cute and worthy of dating.

Nene values their friendship more than any crush: Notice how Akane doesn’t show up on ‘Nene’s type’ list at all instead of dropping to ‘not her type’, subconsciously deciding he is not an option. Aoi’s feelings are more important.

This genuine care make the way she refuses to change her views on Aoi very sad.

Nene is so sure they are close and she gets Aoi, that she doesn’t understand that the Aoi she knows, who treasures her and loves plants and can feel distant, is just a fraction of the real Aoi. A very small fraction considering how long they have been friends, yet it’s understandable: Nene consistently covers her eyes when Aoi acts out of her persona and shows slivers of personal problems.

She doesn’t want her ‘universally loved’ best friend Aoi, and the Aoi that threw her in the trash to be the same people. She want thinks to stay the same, simple and sweet. To Nene, the cruel one was a brainwashed fake. That’s it. There is nothing else to it, no reason to think about it.

Which is not true.

We never get hints that imply the drug made Aoi do something against her will. Even after she completely snap out of the drug effect, Aoi owns her actions. She regrets it, deeply, but she also connects with it: She knows herself.

It’s because Aoi wasn’t faking it that she was so scared to apologize to Nene in the first place. She is shaking and anxious because it was her, an ugly part of her she isn’t fond of, but still a part of her: Still Aoi.

Nene saw her more unpleasant side. That terrifies Aoi.

This fear that Nene will hate her once she realizes who she is have been around for a while.

One of the few times Aoi was vulnerable and honest with Nene was in chapter 29, when she assumed Nene avoided her on purpose, because she ‘suddenly’ decided to hate Aoi.

When Nene heard this she is distressed, she doesn’t like seeing her friend sad, but there is no “I wonder why Aoi would think that…?”, no matter how unusual this insecurity is from Aoi’s ‘oblivious in her throne’ image, Nene doesn’t question it. We aren’t shown a single panel of Nene thinking about it.

But we are shown her thinking about the way Aoi makes people’s hearts race, which happened only two pages later, but is something Nene can easily fit into her established view on Aoi.

To Nene’s credit, Aoi is trying to distract Nene from her moment of vulnerability here, but it’s sad that it works so well.

“Is this a popular girl skill?” Aoi’s personal mannerisms, no matter how distinct are always connected to that of a “popular girl” in Nene’s head. Is not malicious, but it shows ‘popular girl’ and ‘my best friend Aoi’ are interconnected in her head.

“Is this how you win men over, Aoi?” She doesn’t even suspect that Aoi isn’t a fan of all this attention, that unlike her, Aoi doesn’t want to ‘win over’ any of the boys, even after Akane explicitly told Nene this attention is a problem in chap 24.

Aoi is aware of Nene’s simple view of her. It’s why she wasn’t honest in chapter 96.

We all noticed how scared she was of Nene’s reaction, she even flinched when she went to apologize

But Nene doesn’t ask for an explanation of why Aoi did it, she doesn’t address what happened, she doesn’t want to know about any of Aoi’s problems, truly just chalking Aoi’s actions as “Not Aoi” and being done with this to have her cute bubbly friend back;

So Aoi doesn’t address it either.

Aoi is super relieved and happy that she isn’t outright hated.

She doesn’t go over her emotions about the events, you can feel Aoi’s walls coming back: She falls back to her friendly and cute persona.

She wasn’t putting hearts and flowers in her speech before her apology to Nene.

And Aoi may be naturally cute, a girl that enjoys cute clothes and using cute speech, but she never talks with hearts and flowers when she is vulnerable and honest about her feelings.

We can see how her speech ties with her vulnerability best when she talk cutely with Hanako on the far shore train to distract herself from her bleak situation, but the moment she shares her honest view on Akane her tone change, she drops it.

Aoi is genuinely happy that Nene still sees her as a friend, but when she say she is fine on chapter 96, she goes over the events without adding any personal thoughts, and change the topic the moment she finish giving exposition. Something Nene accepts and doesn’t question further.

Once more, she is giving Nene the perfect problem-less cute friend Nene wants, and their talk feels superficial.

Akane behavior changed drastically after Aoi’s rescue (no confessions, no compliments every second, more physical contact, and so on,) because he confronted her, forced Aoi to open up, and listened to what was the problem, what he had been doing wrong, and did his best to adapt accordingly: He took her off her pedestal while still showing her the attention and affection she craves.

Nene’s behavior is exactly the same because she likes what they have, and she refuses to change it: Aoi is the same Aoi as always or “The Aoi she knows”, so she is also the same Nene as always.

She truly considers Aoi a dear friend, but an unchanging one.

She blinds herself to Aoi’s problems, so she can’t confront Aoi, and Aoi is too cowardly to have an honest talk with Nene that she is convinced could lead to Nene hating her.

They are in a stalemate where Aoi can’t be completely honest with Nene (with far more than Aoi losing feeling in her right hand) and I hope something changes.

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antanomally · 6 months

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You ever notice how when he goes into battle mode chuuya often goes low? Maybe he's neutralizing his lack of height intimidation by going for a gay little power crouch.

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antanomally · 6 months

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somepony asked how i draw shoes & here is my thought process :)

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antanomally · 7 months

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These screenshots could never do it justice but this scene of Cheng Xiaoshi desperately and excruciatingly crying as his own trauma mixes with the feelings of Chen Xiao, directly followed by a shot of Lu Guang with his face hidden from view, always made me feel sorrowful; even when first watching the show.

But now, knowing just how deeply Lu Guang cares about Cheng Xiaoshi and how far he is actually willing to go for him, it hits even harder.

Because Lu Guang is hearing everything Cheng Xiaoshi is going through at that moment. He can hear his gut-wrenching crying; can hear him saying he is afraid of being alone; can hear him scream out not only for the client’s mom but his own as well.

And it’s Lu Guang who put him in that situation in the first place. By not telling him about the earthquake beforehand; by not letting CXS decide and prepare himself for it. He thought he’d have CXS finish the mission quickly and never let him know what happened after. Trying to completely shelter him from any and all harm and it backfires dramatically.

Before this frame, Lu Guang tells him:

but CXS never does and Lu Guang can’t intervene. All he can do is watch. And try to experience it with him. Trying to fully feel the consequences of what he did.

And we deliberately don’t see his face. We don’t know what expression is on Lu Guang’s face as he has to watch the one in his heart fall apart - because of his choices. All we do see is that Lu Guang too is holding his own hand. Just like CXS is holding the hand of the dying mother, all Lu Guang can do is hold his own hands.

And when CXS comes back he has to act cold and strict again. Because maybe he wasn’t just protecting their rules here. Maybe this Lu Guang is already the one who has to make sure their current present doesn’t change again. Even though he felt sympathy for Chen Xiao and wanted to help him let go of regret (because maybe Lu Guang already knows what that’s like) he still had to be strict about their rules.

And of course, Cheng Xiaoshi punches him. Wouldn’t you? Not telling him about the earthquake, lying to him about saving the mother and then saying sorry like he barely even cares. Why is his friend so cruel?

and Lu Guang isn’t surprised. Quite the opposite actually: Lu Guang expected this. Maybe he even welcomes it. He takes the punch, because he too thinks he deserves it. Cheng Xiaoshi doesn’t know why he is doing this and he never will. But at least he can take one punch. Maybe that will ease some of the sorrow in Cheng Xiaoshi’s heart.

But when CXS falls down and starts crying again, Lu Guang can’t keep up the act either. It only takes him a few moments to get back up, walk over to Cheng Xiaoshi again and do what he actually wanted to do from the start:

Comfort him.

And then you think back to how they hid his face in the first few panels up above and you remember the face he made while telling CXS that he can’t save someone who already died.

And looking back at it now you realize there was a lot more to this face than just trying to prevent CXS from “doing something stupid”.

Because now we know.

And I’m sure we are all aware that whatever expression was on Lu Guang’s face here:

seeing it might just break our hearts alongside theirs.

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antanomally · 7 months

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Killua and Gon mimic each other a lot.

On the start of the fourth phase of the hunter exam, while in the boat, they sit like this:

and by the end of their talk, Killua mimics Gon:

They half mimic each other in heaven's arena too, probably subconsciously (these two panels are on the same page)

They lay down in the same pose on the campfire chap, so i can't tell who mimicked who.

And killua has his usual 'cool kid' pose when he sits up. His default way to sit.

but he mimics Gon every time he changes poses.

this one is the funniest to me cause they sit so differently when they are a little away from each other/not paying much attention to each other

but when they are side by side, or right in front of each other BAM

And I am not sure is if this has any meaning, but I do find it interesting that when Gon is overwhelmed, frustrated, or defeated he usually sits with both knees up and his arms crossed.

But while waiting for Pitou to finish healing Komugi, he mimics Killua's mannerisms

Anyway, if you know more moments of them mimicking each other please share! It brings me life.

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antanomally · 7 months

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Hi again! I've had this thought in terms of hxh meta that I personally have not seen discussed, so I'm gonna dump it here for you! There's an underlying theme I've noticed of characters throughout the series being one that lost their other halves. Like, most obvious, Leorio and Kurapika lost their childhood best friends. Melody lost her friend to the devil's music. We see Nobunaga lose Uvogin, and so on. So Killua saving Gon instead of letting him die after CAA seems to be a "breaking the cycle" so to speak, although I'm not sure what that would even mean! Nothing much to say besides those details I've noticed, but I wanted to know if you had thoughts? Or perhaps it's just an interesting background detail that is up in the air in terms of being significant?

Hello, thank you so much for sending an ask again! I've put some thought into this topic as well, so I'm happy you brought this up! How I'm answering this is both somewhat abstract and far-reaching in the series so it's a little difficult to summarize and express simply, but I hope you and others might get some meaning out of it!

I strongly believe that one of HxH's great overarching themes is the transformational power of love and how it grants people second chances in life. In this post I'm referring to love in a broader sense, not just romantic love, as of course many different types of love are portrayed and have deep importance in HxH. We see the theme of transformative love in so many different relationships and instances that it's difficult to even summarize them--a few examples are Gon and Killua, Meruem and Komugi, Meruem and his Royal Guard, Ging and Kite, Killua and Ikalgo, even in less major character pairs like Ging and Razor (Razor: "Ging taught me it took only one person, one person in the entire world who will trust you, to save you.") and Kite and Koala, but that's only scraping the surface. I reblogged a previous wonderful meta that pointed out the domino effect of Killua's act of kindness towards Ikalgo, which ended up changing the ultimate trajectory of humanity's war against the Chimera Ants. This is a great example of this theme in action!

But of course, while meeting and loving someone can transform that person's whole life, so also can losing someone significant. It can set someone on a completely different life track than they would have been on had they not lost them--Kurapika, Leorio, Senritsu, the Phantom Troupe (especially with their flashback in recent chapters), Gon and Kite, Kacho and Fugetsu (though this hasn't played out all the way yet) come to mind, but there are many more throughout the series as well. Not all of the losses that fit into this are someone losing their other half/most important person, but there's a solid enough percentage that it certainly seems to be a trend Togashi is establishing and exploring.

It's difficult to explore one of these themes in depth and with honesty without the other--love happens, loss of loved ones happens, both are deeply transformative, and both can ultimately be placed under the broader umbrella of the transformative power of love. After all, if losing a person causes someone's entire life path to change, chances are they loved them a great deal and the force behind the change that occurs in their life is the love and grief they still feel after the loss.

HxH has many tragic elements and Togashi certainly doesn't shy away from the heart-wrenching and long-lasting results of loss, but I think it's fair to say from the 400 chapters we have so far that HxH's themes are not ultimately tragic and hopeless on this topic by any means. In HxH:

Death is not always insurmountable, i.e., Kite, the Chimera Ants in general

The life path one ends up on after a major loss need not be a tragic one, i.e. Leorio deciding to be a doctor and help children in poverty as a result of losing his friend

Death in itself can be an act of love, i.e. Meruem and Komugi, Netero and humanity

Even if one ends up on a dark path as a result of loss, that doesn't mean they can't be saved by someone else's love for them, i.e., Gon and Killua, this could also end up being the trajectory for Kurapika and Leorio potentially?

With Gon and Killua, their whole relationship is based on them transforming each other and giving each other second chances:

Gon saving Killua simply by not judging him, befriending him, and showing him another life path

Gon retrieving Killua from the Zoldyck family when Killua's resolve broke down because of Illumi

Killua pulling the needle of out of his head out of sheer love for and desire to protect Gon

And of course Killua not allowing Gon to die, simultaneously saving him and transforming Alluka's life.

(And Killua's ability to save and help Alluka is of course, a direct result of the kindness Gon extended to Killua and the love Killua has for Gon.)

There's no way to know for certain what will happen in their future, but I definitely think their relationship has one more transformation in it at least, in the form of a reunion and reconciliation.

So, in summary, I think these themes of someone losing a person who was their other half and how one continues to live after that are another way of exploring the broader theme of what it means to love someone and be transformed by meeting them, which I see as a primary theme of HxH. I also think some of these relationships are intended to be comparisons to or foils of Gon and Killua's relationship in a sense (especially Kurapika and Pairo and Kacho and Fugetsu, but others as well), expanding on the themes of their relationship and how a love that deep affects people, both in beautiful and in deeply painful ways.

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antanomally · 7 months

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joking about adults who rely on their parents (you know, the classic "grown men who live in their mom's basement" joke) does harm disabled people, by the way. it doesn't matter if you don't think you're targeting us. you are.

i'm getting my own living space for the first time ever in two weeks. it's in my mom's basement in a new house. i'm physically and psychologically disabled, i have multiple severe mental health conditions, multiple physical disorders, i use a powerchair, i have to spend most of my time in bed, etc... of course its in my mom's basement. i'm lucky to have a mom who cares for my support needs.

you know why i cant live fully on my own? sometimes im in so much pain or so sick i cant get out of bed for days, and if i was alone, i'd starve. i can't go outside much, and on top of my mental health issues, living in total isolation would destroy me. i can't manage appointments or finances or any of that on my own. i wasn't able to finish high school due to my physical and mental issues. i can't get a job, it takes all of my energy to do so much as take care of my hygiene, and i'm terrified of people. living on my own is dangerous for me.

this is a dream come true. we're getting a house where i can try to be independent, but if i can't, i'm safe.

and yet, i have to fear all of the implications that will have for my social life, if i'm ever able to get one. i'll have to tell people to go around back to get into my house, and when they ask why, i'll have to tell them i'm in my mom's basement. and it doesn't help that people frequently see my autistic traits and deem me a creep - great, im a creep in my moms basement, this is going to do wonders. and i'm sure all of my other mental issues will make that even better. /s

like, i dont care if youre joking about the neurotypical able-bodied people who "leech" off of their parents - first off, if you really were, i don't know where the creepy part of the joke comes in, and secondly... people have their reasons. i dont know of many people who willingly decide to keep living with their parents in a basement if they had the ability to go to their own apartment. it is not a moral failing to struggle with independence as an adult. stop acting like it is

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antanomally · 10 months

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i feel like people are forgetting some stuff about skk...

the whole point of skk is that they're both brains and brawns. that's how they survived alone for so long before becaming the double black. they don't complete each other perfectly, they suplement each other perfectly, that's why they're so strong.

chuuya is extremely smart and emotionally inteligent. at the age of 15 he was already the leader of the sheep, he got to rimbauld on the same time as dazai did. he can use his ability with crazy versatility, BUT he can still be fine without it.

and dazai can hold himself on a fight pretty well thanks. literally on the first episode he was alone against an out of control tigersushi. kicked the guy's face with a handstand from a sitting position while handcuffed. literally leaped out of the water like a flying fish holding his weight with just one hand.

chuuya could be on the same level as dazai and fyodor, but he's too human for them. he has empathy, and wear most of his feelings on his sleeve. and dazai could be as straightfoward as chuuya, but humans are so very interesting for him that he prefers observing, planning, picking apart the minds of everyone.

but

at the same time chuuya gets drunk with half a glass of alcohol and dazai bantered with a dog and ate dog food and both of those things happened on the actual main manga not on wan they're both weak and stupid and fucking pathetic i want to put them on a blender until they turn into juice.

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antanomally · 10 months

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When it comes to textured hair there’s many styles, here some I’ve seen at powwows. Braided locs have to be my favorite style so far 💖

Reminder braids are not a universal hairstyle between tribes! I’m coming from the perspective of Great Plains tribes. I just thought I might share what braided hair means to my community and people. I see people trying to make ocs or redesigns of characters who are native but don’t actually represent us too good. Reminder to always research a tribe before making a character learn their protocols and at least try to learn something new! 🌸💖🍇

I just wanna say I love our hair! It means so much to us please take care of it🥺💖

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antanomally · 11 months

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Patty Walters is Kinda Creepy, Actually.

(warning for what I think might be grooming)

In a now-privated video (archived), in response to being asked the youngest age he would date, Patty said, "I'm almost 22, so going younger than 18 would be severely creepy." For context, he & Ben were going through every question Patty's fans decided to ask him. This is a normal response.

Around 2 months after that video was uploaded, Patty started dating Dottie when she was 17 and he was 21.

6 months later, 8 months after the full Q&A upload, Patty uploaded a video (link) where he & Dottie talked about their relationship. At this point, Patty was 22 and Dottie was still 17. In this video, at the 3:24 mark, they have the following interaction:

Dottie: "I hate that you feel the need to come into the bathroom when I'm using it."

Patty: [laughs] "I get lonely!"

Dottie: "Right, I know, but when someone-"

Patty: "We don't have secrets!"

Dottie: "When someone locks the bathroom door-"

Patty: [laughs]

Dottie: "-to go to the toilet, you don't walk in."

This is, to use Patty's words, severely creepy. Even if you give him the maximum benefit of the doubt possible and assume he thought she was an adult, you can't ignorance your way into forcing your way in the bathroom when you know someone is trying to use the toilet. Their wording also implies this happened multiple times, and Dottie's "I know" after he claims it's out of loneliness is also very uncomfortable. While this isn't necessarily the case, it does make it sound like he's used that excuse on her privately.

I know they're married now, and I know Dottie seems happy with him. She's 27 now, and she's perfectly capable of making her own decisions.

But Patty obviously doesn't have future sight. Most 17 year olds would probably be a bit traumatized if they had a 22 year old partner who regularly violated such a basic personal boundary. And while it's been nearly a decade since the video was published, I can't read Patty's mind. I don't know whether he recognizes what he did as wrong or not. I'd like to say he probably does, but then again, I'd never have imagined he'd have been willing to do that in the first place. But he did.

So... yeah. I'm not personally comfortable supporting his music anymore.

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