ano-po

[ano-po]

Oh, how old is this post? 4 or 5 years I think?

I went out to the "real life"

Worst decision.

There are days that I won and there are days that I lost. I learned to love, and surprisingly learned that grief is the cost of love. I learned to stop. I learned to continue. I learned to never try again. I thought observation was enough to live, but I learned that if you sit comfortably enough, with gratitude or without, the universe will not like it and will drag you out.

Go ahead. Laugh at me. Once I was young and so so boisterous. Now I stand wounded and humbled, dying but living, loving and grieving.

From here on, however, I've decided to move forward and honor all those that caused my suffering, for they have taught me to honor my own life.

Go ahead. Laugh at me.

Because I'd rather sit here and learn life lessons from media and dark-toned t.v. series than walk out and fail in real life.

Experience is the best teacher? Well, Observation is a witch-professor holding 3 degrees.

#not related #i'm fine seeing the world burn but at least i learned not to touch the fire #that was a prev tag from the original post #I've touched the fire #and I've burned #was the warmth worth it #yes but I won't do it again #oh what happened you might ask #grief

[ano-po]

Mabini the Mystery, by Nick Joaquin / The Love of God and Affliction, Simone Weil (tr. Emma Craufurd) / The Philippine Revolution, by Apolinario Mabini (tr. Leon Ma. Guerrero) / Tony Hoagland, In an Interview by Ariel Francisco / The Philippine Revolution, Apolinario Mabini (tr. Leon Ma. Guerrero)

bonus:

(Three Letters of Apolinario Mabini, by Encarnacion Alonza)

#apolinario mabini #emilio aguinaldo #ph history #when you try to block him in all forms of social media and so he communicated through a telephone line he installed himself #i love these dudes

[ano-po]

Yeah, so he became a calamity, a demon king, mass murderer... I would do the same to see my girlfriend, to be honest. I don't care even if it will take a millennia.

This Hua Cheng guy is such an icon. Unbelievable patience and perseverance for the love of his life. I wanna be like him. I will do what he do.

#hua cheng #tgcf #heaven official's blessing #this us how I grieve #i will find a way

[ano-po]

This Hua Cheng guy is such an icon. Unbelievable patience and perseverance for the love of his life. I wanna be like him. I will do what he do.

#hua cheng #tgcf #heaven official's blessing

[ano-po]

#poem #death of a lover

[ano-po]

Ginoo, kung dili jud nimo siya ibalik, ako nalang kuhaa.

Ibutang ko sa kalibutan nga naa siya.

#my beloved #the love of my life #passed away caused by leukemia #I don't think I could ever love again #As I will never be loved the same way #trsltn: lord if you can't really give her back #take me instead #bring me to a world where she is

[ano-po]

Ah, yes, of course. I must suffer from the consequences of my SUFFERING

#gods be pushing me left and right #not related

[ano-po]

I hope I didn't discover existential angst as a teenager.

#not related #but I felt like it was such a waste #could it have been an unnecessary mental journey??? #nobody knows #but I hoped I enjoyed my youth more #by being less dark

[ano-po]

Look, I'm gay, I love gay media, and I love gay anime.

But tell me why I can't watch/read romance with gays as the couple? Why can't I sit down to Sasaki to Miyano? To Kobayashi's Dragon Maid? To Given?

Why my preferred gay media be about two side characters who interacted very briefly in that one episode? Why it gotta be two girls who stab each other once or twice per season? Why it gotta be two men who frame each other to murder? Why it gotta be non-canon detectives who has no romantic subplot whatsoever? Why it gotta be two men, one dead, in the middle of a tragic revolution piece?

Why can't I just be normal and enjoy romance when given? Not scrape for a ship when the story is literally the opposite of romance?

#villaneve #killing eve #hannigram #elibarra

[ano-po]

Looking back at this...

I believe this house is cursed, so I left.

My cousin died here of Leukemia. My father died here of unknown reasons. My niece, oh my dear beautiful young niece just 2 years of age, died of dengue. Decades before, a non-blood relative died of cancer.

For years that I am alone in this house, I felt nothing strange (or other worldly), I actually felt strangely calm, like I'm always sleepy and I never want to leave it.

Then my girlfriend moved in with me. We are happy, of course. She's the healthiest person I know. Suddenly, out of nowhere, she got diagnosed with Leukemia. Out of nowhere. Everyone was shocked. She is currently undergoing chemotherapy (help me pray), and moved out of the house. She is getting better.

Prior to that, my sister who lives here with me at some point, got diagnosed of breast cancer. She moved out of the house, she is getting better.

I never believed that this house was haunted, supernatural belief is bullshit... But tell me, how come the people who lived here... become weak health-wise?

Anyways, too many bad memories live in this house. I rented an apartment already closer to my work. I don't know what's in that house, I don't care how secured it made me feel, but I must leave

WHEN YOU HAVE NO CONSCIENCE BECAUSE YOU'VE NEVER SEEN A GHOST

It is a rule that when a gated house is more than 40 years old, it is haunted.

I decided to remain in this old and pink house alone because I love isolation more than I love my relatives or any human interaction. It's quite big, the yards are big enough that I don't have immediate neighbors, and it's really quiet.

All my cousins said they saw something here. All the maids experienced violence from the unseen. All my friends that visited said I really am not alone. I only shrugged, saying, "Thanks, you know you will be leaving me alone here at night when you get home after telling me there is something here. Hahaha."

I mean, it's hard to leave this house. I feel comfort. I am alone and free. I feel 100 percent independent. Plus, I've never seen or felt anything.

They thought I would be the one with the most ghost stories for always living in haunted locations since I was in Manila. I always say, no, never had experience.

"Wala ka siguro'ng Konsensya."

That wasn't the first time I heard that.

When I was still studying in Manila, I lived in a dorm with reported sightings of a white lady. One night, I was alone in the entire floor when they thought nobody was there. They asked me if I felt or saw anything. I said, "No. I slept very well."

"Wala ka siguro'ng Konsensya."

I don't know if this is a superstition, but because of the Filipino Horror movie "Segunda Mano", people believed (jokingly, maybe) that people who never had any ghostly experience are psychopaths.

I have never been afraid of ghosts, I don't really believe in them, but what's scarier is the apparent judgement of the people around me when they believe I'm a psychopath. Should I start lying about seeing ghosts, then?

Living in this country, it made me realize that Everybody I know is spirit-sensitive. Except for me.

Except for me.

#there could be some weird radiation there that weakens immunity #but why am I alright??? #dear god I still need to look after my health

[ano-po]

Ah yeah thanks

Have you ever had this dream?

That you are in a suspicious place and then there's a suspicious but beautiful figure offering you food?

The elders say you must refuse the food, because that's an enchanted being trying to claim your soul. If you accept the food, you will never come back home. Some of my cousins had this dream, and they were lucid enough to say NO. Good for them.

It was then my turn to have this dream. I was on a boat on my favorite beach, and I ended up under a scenic old bridge. Under that bridge is a woman with an unclear face standing on the sea, unbothered. She offered me my favorite food, Lumpia.

The elders warned me about this, all I have to say is NO so I did. The being then turned sad and I felt sorry. So I said, "I will come back. I promise."

Tell me, was it wrong that I promised to come back?

#lol I posted this before but I said I'm gonna make it spookier #philippines #filipino #philippine culture #mythology #mystery #engkanto #fae #fairies #sweet caroline I pissed my pants when I woke up #scary #jeepney stories

[ano-po]

Signs of aging

1.) Sumasarap na ang hopia monggo for my palette

#philippines #funny #filipino #hopia

[ano-po]

Gusto ko lang naman maramdaman

Na ako'y pinapanindigan

Na hindi lang ako ang lumalaban

Dahil gusto ko lang ng payapa

Ngunit kailangan kong mangmanipula

At sa huli, ako lang ang ipapahiya

Problemang pang trenta 02/17/24

#yung feeling na #feeling mo manipulative ka na #kase parati silang walang imik #ikaw lang ang mover sa relationship #ikaw lang ang pala desisyon #pero walang desisyon para sayo #tapos mararamdaman mo #nakakapagod na ata to ah #disney princess ako usually #gusto ko lang naman maramdaman na considered ang feelings ko #ayoko nang parang ako lang ang lumalaban #tapos ako pa ang sasabihang agresivbo #parang mas peaceful ata nung kabulastugan lang about my fandoms ang buhay ko ah hahahaha #tagalog #filipino #poem

[ano-po]

In my dreams we are both free

[ano-po]

Sa pag-iisa makikilala mo ang iba’t ibang tunog ng patak ng ulan-

mataginting sa yero, bahaw sa bato, malabsak sa putik,

at sa balat mong uhaw na uhaw,

banayad na banayad, mistulang napipipi.

— “Sa Pag-iisa,“ mula sa kalipunan ng mga tula at tuluyan ni Rofel G. Brion, “May Nagsabi sa Akin,” University of Santo Tomas Publishing House, p.15.

Sa gitna ng pag-iisa nagiging mataginting ang lahat, waring umuulit. Kaya ang salat (scarce) ay hindi lamang uhaw, kundi uhaw na uhaw; at ang salat (caress) ay hindi lamang banayad, kundi banayad na banayad.  

#poem #tagalog #mananatiling uhaw

[ano-po]

Sundays were like Saturdays—empty and bewildering in its vacancy—except that on Sundays, Monday hovered 24 hours away, like a bully.

Glenn Diaz, from "The News of You" (Published in Philippines Graphic, 2024)

#glenn diaz #philipine literature #short story #real

[ano-po]

My quite old cousin was lamenting about celebrity break ups of 2023 and she quote,

"There are just two people you want to see together, you know. It's hard to explain but... you just want them together and you try to look for videos and pictures of them together even though they are clearly made-up"

Oh cousin, you do not know the battles I've been.

You don't know my sinful ships,

The "videos and pictures" I made myself,

The written stories I made up for them,

You don't know it all.

You do not know the battles I've been.

But I stayed silent.

#shipping #fanartists arise #fanarts #fanfics #fanvids #being a shipper #ao3 #buhay fangirl #sinong ship nya? kathniel 11 years??? #hahaha #my ship died 100 years ago baby #and they only met once