anishinde

[anishinde]

We are never ready to let go of someone who once improved our lives or made us better. We are never completely prepared to say goodbye to someone we thought we would have for the rest of our lives. Regardless of how much sorrow this love has cost us, we are never ready to let go of someone we still love. We are never prepared for death, just as we are never prepared to say our final goodbyes to someone or to comprehend the permanence or finality of those goodbyes. We'll never be completely prepared to lose our best friend, the one we thought loved us unconditionally and will love us forever. We're never really ready for endings, or for the heartbreak or loss that comes with them. I turned you into lovely poetry. I converted all of the phrases I said I'd never use again into the gateway I didn't realize I needed. I ultimately left you as the letters became words, words became lines, lines became pages, and pages became pages that could fill an entire book with the feelings I believed I'd never lose for you. Time has a way of revealing exactly what we require. What we require may not always be what we desire, but what we desire is frequently the absolute last thing we require. When I first met you, I believed I needed another person to feel whole. What I needed was to be alone. I had to learn how to pick up all of my shattered bits and reassemble myself. After you took everything I thought I was, I learned to dig deeper and discovered myself; I had no idea that I existed. I hit rock bottom and continued to fall until it all came together one day. This doesn't have to be the case. You are in charge of your own emotions and perspective on life's happenings. You might look at this as the conclusion, or you can see it as the start of a wonderful new chapter with a limitless range of possibilities. You've always had what you needed. Sometimes all it takes is a little extra digging to find something that has always been there. One day, you'll wake up and realize that the life you thought you were leading was all a dream, a vision of what you could have become if everything had gone according to plan. But here's the thing: nothing ever goes as planned. We conjure up these lovely images in our thoughts of how we want people to be without taking into consideration who they are in reality. In your imagination, you may be living one scenario, but your real life is fast unfolding in front of you, shattering into parts you'll never be able to catch altogether. You can only conceal someone's flaws for so long until their true colors emerge. When you told me you weren't that kind the first time, I should have believed you. The first time you got drunk, I should have left you, and it bothered me. All of the times you pushed things a bit too far, I should have stopped you. And I should've known better than to expect things to turn out this way. But I didn't do any of these things because I was convinced that you were exactly what I needed. That's what I deserved. But now I've finally recognized that I'm exactly what I've always needed and deserved. You were just the lesson that taught me that I was worth far more than I ever imagined. Every day, I'm learning more about myself, and all I have left for you now are these words, as you've become nothing more to me than my train station poetry.

#healing