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amoonmadeofflowers · 10 days
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You made me into the thing you feared the most.
Every time I can't remember a password,
I have to wonder if it's still your birthday.
Does a small part of you wish it was?
Or do you still pretend like you are any better than me?
I find it difficult to remember why I loved you.
There isn't anger in that statement,
I just wonder where it went.
Did I leave it behind on the 11th floor of the hotel?
Was it forgotten in a pocket of the jacket that hangs in my closet?
I may never know when I lost that connection.
Science says in 7 years, you won't have touched me anymore.
But until the last password is changed
you will always be a part of me.
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amoonmadeofflowers · 1 month
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In a perfect world, we would love each other equally.
You would wake up with a skip in your step and
I would be yours; which would be enough.
In a perfect world, anything is possible.
Side note: we live in an imperfect world.
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amoonmadeofflowers · 2 months
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I don’t think I’ll ever understand
why you’re so fucking angry at me
when you did something far worse here.
I never said
I didn’t fuck up but you
You handled yourself without grace or poise.
I don’t understand why you get to be angry but mine
isn’t valid.
Because you only messaged me to get
my attention in the first place;
I shouldn’t have to explain this.
Someday, somehow, you will take responsibility
for your actions but I don’t want to be here to see it.
It hurts so much that you turned your anger towards
me.
I feel betrayed.
But I am a far more beautiful version of myself without
you.
So I guess I win?
Cordially,
Liz.
(02/10/2024)
(Yes this is for you Navy Boy)
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amoonmadeofflowers · 2 months
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February 8th is finally here and I’m still hurting.
There’s something heartbreaking about the fact that
you didn’t even give me a chance to explain myself.
There’s something wrong about the way you
composed yourself after it all.
You know, of all people, I understand religious trauma.
I stand by the fact that I would never cross a boundary
so clearly stated so many times.
But you…
You ended this all with hate.
I guess maybe I should have expected something bad
to come along and snatch it back.
Maybe things were too perfect for too long for the
universe’s liking.
I’ll never really know
“I guess that shows how she really feels about you”
was one of the more hurtful things I heard afterward.
I don’t understand.
Evil presence?
Dirty water.
No chance of rain.
I don’t know why you reacted this way and I wish I
could say I wasn’t angry, but I am.
I am so angry because she’s right, if you had such a
problem with me, why wouldn’t you just talk to me?
Why would you be best friends with someone you
deem as practicing evil?
Earth witch.
Never dark magic.
I could have explained.
You didn’t let me explain.
Or even give me a chance.
And for that, I don’t know if I can forgive you.
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amoonmadeofflowers · 2 months
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Happy Birthday Bestie
There was a day, not that long ago, in fact,
where I pleaded with the gods above and beyond,
to bring you a joy you’ve never felt before.
I begged them to give you peace during the war;
during your pregnancy and after.
I watched as your belly grew and begged them some
more that you might get to see it through.
Once upon a time, in a mysterious land called Spirit
Halloween, two girls, both alike in first names, became
so important to each other.
They bonded over shared trauma and worked to make
sure they were strong; they wouldn’t break.
And here we are.
It’s your birthday soon and you have given me the
most beautiful gift I could have asked for: a family.
He will always be the sweetest angel.
Your son is so loved.
He is so supported.
I would step in front of a gun for him; for you.
And so, despite this being sappy, I’m here to say: I’m
here to stay.
I love you all so very, very much.
And I hope that you remember that distance is no
match for us.
Love you bunches!
Xoxo
Your bestie,
Liz
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amoonmadeofflowers · 3 months
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Here’s to kitties on roofs and a projector split 4 ways.
“We trauma bonded and healed and made a family and I’m not going anywhere.”
“I love you.”
“I love you too.”
What’s it called when someone is your favorite person to talk to but in a platonic way?
I remember telling my sister
how much you remind me of her and
how excited I was to be friends with you.
I spent months telling my boyfriend,
at the time,
how worried I was when you would
disappear for days in the house we shared.
And then
everything shifted and suddenly I had
a chosen family.
Best friends who study together.
Grocery shop together.
Laugh together. Cry together. Get high together.
Clean together.
Combat active racism together.
I knew when we started discussing her incompetence
that I wouldn’t be the kind of person to let it slide.
And I will never be sorry I sided with you and
with inclusivity and
kindness.
And I will always be grateful for your friendship.
I’m not going anywhere.
And I plan to love you and that baby girl until the day I
die.
So don’t get any ideas because I’m here to stay.
Love you lots bestie.
Liz
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amoonmadeofflowers · 4 months
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If love was enough
How different would your life be?
Would you have stolen that kiss when you wanted?
It’s strange to think about all the what ifs.
There are, by the way, a million “what ifs” in my life.
You will always be one of them.
I don’t know when it happened or what caused it but
my heart took a walk and now it’s solely mine again.
So when you thanked me for the way I worded it,
“You’re one of my best friends and my life would not be
any better without you.”
I want you to know I do love you.
In some alternate universe, we get to be happy
together; none of the bad stuff happened to either of
us.
But we live here, in this timeline.
So I want you to know, that I will hold your hand
through it all.
I stand by everything I said.
I just won’t want someone who doesn’t want me.
We are, first and foremost, friends.
I simply won’t jeopardize that friendship. Ever.
I hope you understand.
All my love
Liz
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amoonmadeofflowers · 5 months
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You know every time I come across a
“what are you based on your zodiac sign?” post,
I look for Pisces.
And then proceed to hunt it down and send it to you.
And every time, as I’m passing hers I wonder,
When will you stop looking for hers every time I look for
yours?
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amoonmadeofflowers · 5 months
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To a lover,
Two years ago I drove away from you and all the
troubles I had in that house; in that town.
I spent most of the next year or so convincing myself I
had moved on.
And it worked, for a while.
I would tell a story and a memory of your face would
pop up.
You are unforgettable, it seems.
Whenever I made a friend and we were talking about
people we were involved with you would come up.
Do I mention you?
I tried to, a couple times.
I could never put the words together well enough.
Some of the times I talked myself out of it by
reminding myself that sex isn’t attraction.
Good enough to convince anyone?
I doubt it.
Pretend. Fake it til you make it, or so they say.
Last night was fun.
You smiled.
I have missed your smile.
I don’t know if I’ve seen it more than a handful of
times.
But every single one has been strikingly beautiful.
No matter what happens, I was the reason for that
incandescent smile.
And that will always be worth it.
I know you’re scared; so am I.
Scared for so many more reasons than something as
silly as a relationship; the feelings kind.
So let’s hold onto this feeling for a day or two more.
I hope everything works out
I hope I get the chance to be the reason you smile
more
And I hope that last night was the start of something
new and terrifying and beautiful.
I know I give you a lot of shit about being a little late,
but I’m proud of you for how far you’ve come in talking
about your feelings and expressing them.
I’m excited to watch you grow even more.
Warmest Regards,
A friend.
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amoonmadeofflowers · 6 months
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“Arkansas? How’d you end up here (over 2300 miles away)?”
“I followed my boyfriend stationed at Bremerton.”
“I really hope that’s not the only reason.”
I laughed. And said what I thought, “Me too.”
What I should have said was that I was escaping more
than I was following
But I thought that was enough truth for that day.
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amoonmadeofflowers · 7 months
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You taught me so much more about me than
I have ever learned about myself
You kissed my forehead and told me to stay in the
tangled blanket on your bed
You trusted me with your heart
so quickly and it was uncomplicated.
When I pictured the future, you were always there.
You still are, even now.
There’s a song that reminds me of how I feel about
you,
It talks about how I must have done something right
to deserve you
And I will never stop feeling that way;
Even if this was all we get.
But I hope it’s not.
With every ounce of want that this hopeless romantic
is carrying around,
I hope we get our happily ever after.
I’ll be here, and you’ll be there.
And we will hope.
And one day, if I am lucky, I’ll get to be the reason for
your happiness.
Until then, I will be here; missing you.
Xoxo
Your secret admirer
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amoonmadeofflowers · 7 months
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There’s something about losing every good thing you
thought you’d never get
There’s something about being the reason you lost
every good thing you never thought you’d get
I don’t have any more words to express my
disappointment in myself
My disappointment in you
My sadness that I never realized the manipulation I
was allowing by having you in my life
It’s laughable
And
Since I know you still read my poems,
Fuck you
Disrespectfully
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amoonmadeofflowers · 8 months
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“If I stay, is that a dealbreaker?”
Before you asked, I heard it sitting on the edge
Trying it’s best to slip out.
I wish I could say I expected you to test me,
but I have always been honest with you and that will
not change.
I could have slid back into the old version of myself.
I could have.
But I didn’t.
“I think, if you choose to stay with her, after knowing all
of this, I would have to leave, yes.”
Part of me was incredibly proud of you and the other
was shocked you even asked.
I will forever be glad that our choices in that moment
matched up because even though I would have walked
away, I would have hated every step.
And now I don’t have to.
Now I, not only, have you, but I get to keep you!
I know you think you’re the lucky one but I will never
stop arguing that it’s me.
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amoonmadeofflowers · 8 months
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Just say the words
Somewhere along the way of promising myself
I would never care about someone else the way
I had (still do) about him,
I lost myself.
I lost my composure.
For better or worse, you make me weak at the knees.
The idea of spending time with you makes my heart
jump.
I told you
I would choose a night in your arms with minimal sleep
over a night alone with maximum sleep;
you thought that was so cute.
I promise I understand
how hard it is to open up;
how difficult it is to express heartfelt emotions.
But I also promise you that I will always listen.
I won’t beg you to fall for me because we both know
I’m stronger than that.
What I will do is sit on my knees,
hands behind my back,
and offer myself to you.
I am here.
If you ask me to walk away, I will.
But if you don’t,
I promise to stick around and
be yours,
for as long as you’ll have me.
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amoonmadeofflowers · 10 months
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mi corazón te anhela
I haven’t written in a while
And, while I’d like to brush it off and say that I’ve been
busy, we both know I’ve simply been avoiding all the
feelings
Feelings hurt.
They cut.
They bruise and bleed.
And then stitch you back together.
But the memory of pain never quite leaves.
And yet, here I am again, hoping that this will heal my
wounds
My stupid, worn down heart is beating only for you
Just you
But I can’t seem to find the words to explain how
deafening the silence has been
Somewhere in the stars we were formed for each other
Sometime long ago, in another life or universe, and yet,
Here we are.
Together but apart.
Two people begging the stars or God or the universe to
grant them their Wish.
I am so terrified that you won’t like who I have become.
I love who I am and who I am still becoming, but my
greatest fear is losing you simply because I’ve grown
into someone you don’t want anymore.
I wish you were here with me.
I wish I could hear your voice utter I love you.
I wish your breath could give me goosebumps when
you nip at my ear.
But I would give up all of that for your hand in mine.
I love you so much, please don’t ever forget it.
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amoonmadeofflowers · 1 year
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I keep crying
Which we both know is hard for me
But I’ve been doing it a lot lately.
I’m sure there’s plenty of reasons why I could be crying
so much but I can boil it all down to one thing.
I miss you.
It’s as simple and complicated as that.
I miss you next to me.
I miss your laugh (I’m funny and we both know it)
I miss the kisses. God how I miss the kisses.
I miss you in every way possible. Every single way.
It hurts and it makes me angry.
I think our love story deserves more than this distance.
The distance isn’t doing us justice.
And you deserve more than you’re getting.
I deserve more.
I miss you so much.
And I’m angry. I’m angry because I shouldn’t be angry.
It’s all a circle.
It’s not fair.
This isn’t fair.
I promise tomorrow I won’t whine or complain but
today, today I’m saying this isn’t fair.
I just want you to come home.
I wanna be here when you come home.
I want to be the first face you see.
But that can’t happen.
This isn’t fair.
We deserve happiness.
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amoonmadeofflowers · 1 year
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Someone asked me the other day what to do when a friend you really really care about and love is in a relationship that is clearly toxic.
It’s not that simple.
Leaving isn’t as easy when the abuse isn’t physical.
There’s too much manipulation happening and it makes you feel crazy.
But you don’t know that it’s the abusive person making you feel crazy.
The lines are blurred.
Your gut is quiet.
Logic be damned.
“Be patient with her. Remind her that you will be there no matter what. Love her through it.”
I wish I could tell you how I’ve been here before.
I wish you would listen.
But sometimes people have to learn on their own.
I just hate it.
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