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all-dead-inside21 27 days
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The most horrible thing after sexual trauma is that you feel like you deserved it. When I read something about rape or assault I'm like: yeah should happen to me too...
Somehow it's like they don't really like me when they don't rape me? It's so fucking idiotic and I always shaking my head with these kind of thoughts. Because obviously nobody deserves sexual trauma!
But sometimes my daddy issues playing tricks with my head. Don't know what to do about that.
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all-dead-inside21 1 month
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When flashbacks are fucking your body again I just wish to be done... I don't know what to do with myself and other people doesn't know either.
It's like I need to be raped and beaten to feel better... Like I need to be the sad traumatized little girl that everyone ignores...
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all-dead-inside21 1 month
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Alone for nearly 29 years now. No sign of love, being loved, fell in love... Nothing. Maybe I'm not meant to be happy or lovable. I know it's hard to like me. I never was someone's first choice. Never. I have one friend... Nothing more. And this kind of relationship is kinda toxic sometimes. I feel so alone and dumb. I just don't belong here. I'm giving myself time till I'm 30... No minute longer. I know to like someone with BPD is hard. But I'm trying my best I promise...
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all-dead-inside21 3 months
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In the mood to delete everything and go missing .
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all-dead-inside21 3 months
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It's crazy how trauma makes you push people away when all you want is love.
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all-dead-inside21 5 months
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all-dead-inside21 6 months
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A lot of people don't know that daddy issues aren't positive things only. And if these negative things kicking I feel so fucking lost. I don't know what to do and there is no one where my body can rely on... Or my mind. I'm crying the whole day and hope these feelings finally stop. Cause I have no Man who can calm me down with these issues...
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all-dead-inside21 7 months
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all-dead-inside21 7 months
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Dear diary...
Every day that passes is just another battle against myself...
I'm tired...
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all-dead-inside21 7 months
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Started to SH again... Was Clean for years. Just want to stop feeling my emotions. It's really to much to handle...
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all-dead-inside21 7 months
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Today, I want to k*ll myself, so so bad.
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all-dead-inside21 7 months
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Being alone is hard... But to realize that it's really true is another story. I only have myself and my books. No one to hang out with... No one to go on a date... Never felt attention or comfort. Sometimes I just wish that I could live my life faster so that I don't have to feel that kind of loneliness...
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all-dead-inside21 8 months
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Great... It's time to starve myself again. I gained so much fucking weight and I can't deal with this shit...
All talk about this "you have to love yourself first" shit... Doesn't work for me. Thanks...
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all-dead-inside21 9 months
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I'm just dying... Every day a bit more. I can't deal with my life alone. I want to be in love for the first time... I want to feel loved for the first time. But it seems that I don't deserve it... It's fine... I got it
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all-dead-inside21 9 months
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all-dead-inside21 9 months
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That's a fact
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all-dead-inside21 9 months
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The thing is... I could die right now and nobody would notice for one or two weeks ...
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If you realize that you're fucking unnecessary and nobody cares.... Hits hard again. But hey I'm used to it...
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