alive-no-more

[alive-no-more]

I’m so tired of not being able to help

#from emotionally to physically to financially #personal #I feel more like a burden than anything else

[alive-no-more]

I kinda want to laugh until I cry

#everything is overwhelming #i'm tired #depression #anxiety #personal

[alive-no-more]

Why am I even still here?

#personal #depression #anxiety #suicidal #i don’t want to be anymore. i’m so tired. I just want it to stop

[alive-no-more]

I can’t be what you want me to be

#I can’t do it anymore #I love them but I’m ripping myself to shreds keeping myself as something they need #I don’t know if I can keep doing it #personal

[alive-no-more]

A part of me is so tired of everything and wants it all to stop. Just wants me to make it stop but I don’t know how

#i’m tired of the way i’m always a hair-trigger away from breaking #it’s like walking a tightrope with no net and I know I’m going to fall #depression #anxiety

[alive-no-more]

Something’s broken and I can’t fix it this time

#I just want to stare at nothing and cry #all my coping mechanisms are failing #reading isn’t helping. music is making it worse. #thinking of buying anything makes me feel fuzzy. being around my family is making my hands shake. #I feel like I’m on a tightrope but I’m already so unbalanced #depression #anxiety #personal

[alive-no-more]

With everything that happened I can’t be surprised that now I can feel the buzzing under my skin with just the thought of them

#family issues #anxiety #I’m crashing and burning with knowing I’ll have to ignore my own mental health for others again #there’s panic constantly buzzing under my skin and I don’t know what to do #personal

[alive-no-more]

I’m going to crash and burn for you

#personal

[alive-no-more]

Oh I hate when I get like this

#buying things to cope is not something I need #i can’t afford it #personal #coping mechanisms #spending money

[alive-no-more]

I’m so tired

#personal

[alive-no-more]

This whole financial situation makes me want to scream

#how the fuck can I fix it while helping take care of my family at the same time? #hospital bills suck #not knowing how to afford the holidays for the younger kids suck #looking at my baby brother whenever he hears that Christmas might not even happen is heartbreaking #personal #financial hardship

[alive-no-more]

Staring at Christmas lists not knowing how to make it work after everything that’s happened this past month and a half just causes anxiety

#starting with funerals then broken cars to weeks long hospital stays #now we’re home and things are still going wrong #broken ankles now on top of everything? gosh it’s like someone’s trying to drive us all over the edge #I just want to give my siblings something normal. they deserve something after dealing with all of this #personal #i’m venting

[alive-no-more]

I hate not being able to help my family

#don’t get me wrong I’m physically putting myself into the ground but I can’t do anything for them financially #and it’s glaringly obvious to me right now when everything is going to hell #at this point I’m trying to figure out how I can try to help my parents with Christmas for my younger siblings and I don’t know what to do #personal

[alive-no-more]

I wasn’t in any place of mind to come back to this place, it makes me want to slit my wrists in a back room. But I’m here, I want to scream and cry, I feel so numb down to my very bones.

I know why I had to stay here longer but still…

Why did I have to stay?

#tw: suicide mention #mentions suicide #tw: self harm #mentions self harm #depression #trauma #suicidal thoughts

[alive-no-more]

Should’ve just killed myself months ago

#tw: suicide mention #mentions suicide #suicidal

[alive-no-more]

I really hate some people

[alive-no-more]

My new habit of buying shit to constantly have come in the mail as a coping mechanism is terrible

#I don’t have the money for this #why’d you have to go and chose this? #am I using birthdays and holidays as excuses to buy more things as well? yes #personal #depressed #depression #coping mechanism #coping mechanisms