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Bandera Mtn Beargrass by Mark Knoke
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“The roots of loneliness are very deep … They find their food in the suspicion that there is no-one who cares and offers love without conditions.”
— Henri Nouwen 
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Kait Rokowski
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(before it devours me)
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Quote by Fernando Pessoa
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i am utterly disappointed in who i have become. i wanted to be someone better, someone important, someone beautiful. but instead i waste space, i waste time and i burden the people i love. this isnt the future i had in mind for myself and i know its too late. i’ll never get that future i dreamed of as a child.
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people don’t understand how mentally draining having an eating disorder is. they assume you just skip a meal a day and then boom you lose like 30 pounds then recover. they don’t realize that you lose all your energy and can barely even function. you lose friends over it, get horrible grades, have to stop working, lose interest & energy in pursuing passions and hobbies. it fucking sucks and they make it so obvious they don’t give a shit about us.
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I want to be here,right now..
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I don’t understand what is going on with my body. I’ve been in treatment for 6 months now and my heart is having problems. I’ve admitted to the er twice in the last 3 days for emergency EKGs, chest x-rays, fluids, and other tests. My blood pressure, temperature, heart rate, and blood sugar are all too low. I can’t stand up too fast, I can’t stay awake, I’m always cold and I just feel so bad. It took an hour with an ultrasound machine to find a vein for my IV. All I want is to feel better. They keep telling me it’s because of food and fluids but I just don’t believe it.
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