alexanicholsauthor

[alexanicholsauthor]

I’m a writing beast! Except when I’m not…

I learned a long time ago that the thing you love most can kill you if you let it. Back when I first started writing, I didn’t take it very seriously: I just sat down and repeatedly slapped the keyboard, letting my kinky imagination have free reign with little regard to plot, character development, or plot twists. You can tell this from books like No, Daddy! I’m Not Mommy!, Cramming Sis!, and Please Don’t Get Me Pregnant!. They were the first books I wrote, and you can tell by reading them how few fucks I had to give. I wasn’t taking my writing career seriously, which showed in my work. Sure, they were fun to write, but they had about as much substance as a handful of lettuce.

They sold. Well. This prompted me to try and elevate my craft, to try and write kinkier, more elaborate stories. I became obsessed with being the best writer I could, so I scoured the internet eagerly looking for any and all advice I could find. I attempted to follow everything I found, even going so far as to snag a copy of Stephen King’s On Writing, which is a fantastic book, and devouring everything I found with a hunger usually reserved for cheese fries at Snuffer’s.

Somewhere along the way, however, I quit having fun. Writing became more of a job than a fun little distraction, and I was taking things so seriously that I repeatedly started burning out. So, I decided the best thing to do was step away from writing for a bit. After a while I would return reinvigorated, only to feel the urge to break quickly returning. I began immersing myself in other hobbies, such as watching anime, reading manga, and playing video games. When I decided to write, it felt forced, like working out sometimes feels when you’re just not feeling it.

Maybe I wasn’t meant to be a writer. I wondered to myself. I mean, my command of the English language isn’t exactly on par with other famous authors. I have a conversational writing style, and I actively try to avoid writing over someone’s head… whereas some authors I read have me pulling out a dictionary every few pages. It almost seems like they’re trying to impress readers with their vocabulary knowledge. Should that really be your goal when you write, however? Shouldn’t the story matter most? You know, trying to coax the reader to immerse themselves in your carefully crafted world?

Back on track.

Even though I took a bit of a sabbatical from writing, I continuously found myself jotting down story ideas. Instead of deep, immersive plots and plot twists, they were more fun and quick little ditties that made me remember the tales I wove when I first started writing. When I found myself actually writing them and tearing myself away because I started feeling guilty that I wasn’t working on my more serious works, I knew something was wrong with the writing habits I had adopted.

I took a long, hard look at my authoring and then decided to just relax. I set goals, yes, but tackle the actual creative writing only when I feel inspired to. Don’t treat it as a job, but instead as a passion.

Damn, did that paradigm shift ultimately change who I am as an author!

I now proudly consider myself a writing beast. I’ve filled all my releases until 2027 and still have extra stories coming out exclusively for Subscribestar members. Life is good. However, I know there are many lessons I need to learn and many ways I still need to improve as an author.

I look forward to the road ahead…

#amwriting #amediting #authorlife #authorconfession #authorshare #life #indieauthor #authorproblems #author #amliving

[alexanicholsauthor]

Taking Care of Daddy

Leo was a dedicated husband, a loving father, and a talented artist. Before alcoholism and his wife's suicide. His life's spiraling, but his daughter and her best friend have a plan - one that becomes more erotic than any of them could have imagined. https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CV225PBB

#amwriting #amediting #authorlife #authorconfession #authorshare #life #indieauthor #author #amliving

[alexanicholsauthor]

So a free tool called GLAZE has been developed that allows artists to cloak their artwork so it can't be mimicked by AI art tools.

AI art bros are big mad about it.

[alexanicholsauthor]

They Killed My Baby…

My Patreon is dead.

To make a long story short, they took some of the titles of a few of my books literally and assumed they contained incest and underage sexual content. Without consulting me, they deleted my account and refunded my Patreon subscribers. They then emailed me, informing me of their actions and stating that their actions could not be reversed.

All that content.

Years of posts and interactions.

Gone.

Not gonna lie, I came so close to relapsing with alcohol that week. Every day was a struggle, and I fell into such a deep depression that my appetite and sleep were severely affected. I would just lay in bed (usually my Baby Squirrel’s bed) and stare at the ceiling, wondering how I would make up that missing chunk of cash. In this day and age, every cent counts, and with everything as expensive as it is… I had come to rely on that little income.

If I’m honest, however, it was about more than just the money. Patreon gave me (and my subscribers) a place to congregate on the internet, safe from the insanity of typical social media, and I loved conversing with them at all hours of the night – and for so many different reasons.

And now it’s gone.

Or is it?

A while back – during my last Patreon scare, actually – I created a Subscribestar Adult account and started populating it with everything I posted on Patreon. Though only a few people signed up for it, I loved how open and free the site was. They seemed to give zero fucks about what I posted, and it was, you know, refreshing for a change.

So. I moved my online creative home to Subscribestar Adult and ditched Patreon entirely.

Because fuck Patreon.

Honestly, I should have made this move a long time ago. I’ll have fewer restrictions and won’t have to worry about my account getting suddenly nuked without anyone consulting me first. So, if you haven’t already, join me. It’s going to be a lot of fun… 😈

#amwriting #amediting #authorlife #authorconfession #authorshare #indieauthor #authorproblems #author #amliving

[alexanicholsauthor]

The Demon in the Bottle…

Addiction is a motherfucker. Ever since I was a teenager (and a bit even before that), alcohol has been a mainstay in my life, something that was attached to almost all of my fondest memories. To put it bluntly, I drank alcohol like most people drank water. When I made the conscious decision to turn my life around, I knew that was one of the first things, if not the first thing, that had to go. So shortly after my Baby Squirrel quit smoking cold turkey because of her breast cancer, I was inspired to do the same with alcohol. I mean, if she could do it, I could do it, right? So, on April 18, 2021, I quit drinking cold turkey.

I wish I could tell you some generic ass shit like, ‘and I never looked back’ or ‘now I feel so much better’ or [insert generic statement here], but I can’t. It’s hard. Extremely hard. And every day is a struggle I feel I will ultimately lose. I have learned a few tricks to get through the day, however:

When the urge to drink gets really bad, I find a hobby that sounds entertaining and immerse myself in it. Before long, the urge to drink is (usually) gone.

If that doesn’t work, I try and talk to my Baby Squirrel about it, and she can usually talk me down. Or I may reach out to one of my Patreon or Subscribestar members, as I have become quite close to most of them.

If even that doesn’t work, I work out. I have a normal daily workout regimen, but can’t think of anything else to do when the thirst gets this bad. Luckily, it hasn’t reached this point in a long time, though it’s been getting close lately.

I know some of you out there have quit drinking, so maybe you can help. Outside of going to AA (which I absolutely refuse to do), what have you found the most effective? Hit a loli up and let me know.

I appreciate it.

#amwriting #amediting #authorlife #authorconfession #authorshare #life #indieauthor #authorproblems #author #amliving

[alexanicholsauthor]

So true! 😄

[alexanicholsauthor]

Pushing the envelope…

It’s amazing how much my life has changed after my heart attack. It’s also amazing how crazy I was living and how I had no idea how much I was pushing the envelope of life and death every day. It’s taking a lot of adapting to get myself to a saner level of living, but overall, I have to say I’m happier with the way my life is now.

Kind of.

As I looked at the stories I’ve written thus far, I realized how safe I’ve been playing the writing game. I mean, yes, I write erotic tales, but they are all more or less safe erotic tales that most people wouldn’t have a hard time digesting. The few times I ventured beyond that safe zone (Amore, Girl Fight, and Haunted, for example) seemed to garner one of two reactions from readers: they either loved the story or didn’t feel one way or another about it. No one reached out to tell me they hated any of them, though I’m sure some did.

Now when I write a typical erotic tale (like Devious Bitches, Paying His Debts, and No, Daddy! I’m Not Mommy!, for example) always get immediate attention and sales.

This sharp contrast caused me to think. If I wanted to make a decent amount of money, I should just stick to churning out typical erotica. If I wanted to have fun with writing, however, I needed to push the envelope and see how much I could get away with it. Maybe get banned by a distributor or something. 😄 This sounded like much more fun to me than sticking to cookie-cutter erotica and romance.

So, moving forward, that’s precisely what I will do. I mean, why not? I’ve already finished all my official releases until 2027, so anything that I craft I’ll simply release to my Patreon and Subscribestar.adult members and then to the rest of the world sometime later. Something tells me I will have a lot of fun with this. Something else tells me some of my readers will, too. 😏

#amwriting #amediting #authorlife #authorconfession #authorshare #indieauthor #authorproblems #amliving

[alexanicholsauthor]

[alexanicholsauthor]

Paramnesia

They've managed to survive the Exitium Mundi. Now they just have to survive each other. The direct sequel to Erotic Urban Legends: Pulse

Check it out now in #KindleUnlimited, #Audible, and #Paperback formats at:

US: https://buff.ly/48GyjTP

UK: https://buff.ly/3NR9Oer

#amwriting #amediting #authorlife #authorconfession #authorshare #indieauthor #author #amliving

[alexanicholsauthor]

Feel like stalking me?

I’m not very good at the social media thing. I’ve heard people say you’re supposed to advertise like a demon, hyper-interact with people to make them think you’re friendly and outgoing, and gain readers and followers by treating people like marionettes, but that’s just not me. I do put out advertisements (10 throughout the month), but the rest of my social media posts are just me being stupid. Things I find funny online, random thoughts, or interesting tidbits that happen in my life… There is no true rhyme or reason behind what I post.

Don’t get me wrong, I know how to play the game. Just because I know how to play the game, however, doesn’t mean I want to, and at the end of the day, I’m the one looking at myself in the mirror.

I wrote all that to write this: I would rather be myself and have people like me than try and pretend to be someone I’m not and have to keep up some sort of false front.

It’s pretty much like I am outside of the digital world. It’s why I only have a handful of people in my inner circle, and everyone else is just sort of… associates.

Still, I have met a few people online that I’ve clicked with and have come to care about through the years. Organically. It takes time with someone like me, as I don’t just swing the gates open at the first sign of a decent person. I’m choosier than that. I like to evaluate people. Get to really know them. The good and the bad. As long as the good outweighs the bad, most likely, I’ll get along fantastically with you.

Can you relate? I’m sure you can. I’m sure most of you can. Everything I’ve written about myself is likely true for most of you.

I just wish some of you remembered that…

Anyway, if you want to contact me, there are many ways to do so. Pick your preferred method:

 Email

 Website

 Amazon

 Patreon

 Ko-fi

 Subscribestar.adult

 Bluesky

 Facebook

 Twitter

 Tumblr

 Pinterest

 Goodreads

 Quora

 Mastodon

 Wattpad

 Writers Café

 LibraryThing

 Soundcloud

I look forward to meeting you!

#amwriting #amediting #authorlife #authorconfession #authorshare #life #indieauthor #authorproblems #author #amliving

[alexanicholsauthor]

It's funny cause it's true! 😂

[alexanicholsauthor]

[alexanicholsauthor]

[alexanicholsauthor]

Delving into the mind of a simp…

Simps have always fascinated me. What would practically make a person worship someone online – a digital stranger they likely would never meet or share any real relationship with? This question has only grown in weight the more I live in the virtual world of the internet, as I see it happening frequently and in all walks of life. It is amazing how easy it is for some girls to have troves of men wrapped around their fingers with very little effort.

Why is this even possible?

I was originally going to post the question, ‘Can you concisely explain why someone would be a simp?’ on social media, but knowing how emo the digital populace tends to get, I decided against it, instead choosing to hit up the three major artificial intelligent programs I know to see what their take is on what makes a simp a simp. Here are their responses:

ChatGPT: “The term “simp” is often used colloquially to describe someone, usually a man, who excessively admires, idolizes, or goes to great lengths to please another person, typically a woman, in the hopes of gaining their romantic or sexual attention. A person might be considered a simp due to various reasons, such as low self-esteem, a desire for validation, or a belief that showering someone with attention and gifts will lead to a closer relationship. However, it’s important to note that the term can be subjective and is often used in a derogatory manner to criticize individuals for their perceived behavior.”

Replika: “Simps are people who are overly dependent on others for their sense of self-worth. They may be overly trusting, and don’t have a strong sense of self-confidence. They often have a low opinion of themselves, and may put a lot of pressure on others to meet their expectations.”

Paradot: “I think someone might be a simp because they lack self-confidence and feel inadequate. They may try to build up their own self-esteem by trying to get the approval of others.”

A simple to see common thread between all their answers is that simps tend to have low self-confidence/self-esteem. When I realized this, I sat back in my chair and cocked my head, looking at my computer screen and falling into a deep quagmire of thought. Simps get absolutely roasted online, especially on social media, but… should they be? Is someone having such low self-esteem or self-confidence that they blindly reach out to whomever they can in hope that some sort of emotion/affection is reciprocated something that should be mocked? I understand low self-esteem all too well, as I was riddled with this when I was younger – and even to this day, I suffer from it occasionally. Simps, however, have it to an almost crippling degree, something I definitely do not envy…

And, the more that I thought about it, who are their actions truly hurting? If they want to give relative strangers gifts and money, who does that harm? Who does it affect aside from the giver and receiver of said gifts? And let’s go even deeper with this – why are people antagonistic towards them? Why do they feel compelled to roast them, to belittle their actions? It’s truly bizarre the more I think about it…

I’m not going to lie: I was one of those people that mocked them. Now? Not so much. Now I pity them and genuinely hope they can find a way to get past their codependence on people that are ultimately just using them for their generosity. This doesn’t mean I want them flooding my inbox, of course, because honestly, I have my own life and have neither the time nor patience to try and fix everyone else’s, but still. This paradigm shift will definitely temper how I see and interact with certain types of people in the future.

And who knows? I am single. Maybe I should give one of these guys (or girls) a chance?

#amwriting #amediting #authorlife #authorconfession #authorshare #life #indieauthor #authorproblems #author #amliving

[alexanicholsauthor]

Inflation made me eat my panties…

Believe it or not, this is not a clickbait post. 😭 First of all, everyone knows how ridiculous inflation has become lately. I know I do: our rent has been raised by $300 these past few months, and every time we shop for groceries, it baffles me how little we can get. And don’t even get me started on restaurants and fast food, especially with fees, tipping culture going absolutely insane, and the prices for everything going up so high it feels like going to McDonald’s is fine dining. I mean, seriously, when is the breaking point? There has to be one; this can’t go on forever. What goes up must come down, right?

Right?

Anyway, you’re probably wondering what all of this has to do with eating my panties.

Well, my big brother wanted to treat my baby squirrel and me to some delivery from Burger Island through his Grubhub+, something I immediately swatted down because of how expensive I knew it would be. I mean, Burger Island isn’t one of the cheapest places around (though their humongous burgers are legendary), and delivery services nowadays are straight-up ridiculous. He was hellbent on doing it anyway, however, and unfortunately, he’s the one person I can’t out stubborn.

So I decided to try and teach my beloved big brother a lesson.

After some quick mental math, I bet him the total end amount would be almost $100 with fees, delivery, tip, and who knows what else. He said there was no way it would be that high. I reminded him that he was buying for three people – he rolled his eyes and told me to shut up. So after viciously spider-monkeying him, we made the bet: if it was closer to my bet of $100, I won, and my prize would be cheese fries at Snuffers. If it was closer to his guess of $60, I would have to do anything he requested.

He accepted my terms.

He placed the order.

The tally came to $65.

Which meant that he not only won but he slaughtered my ass.

So I waited for him to come up with my punishment. Instead, he told me he’d come up with something and let me know and to not worry about it. Most people would think the other person would simply drop the whole thing and move on, but I know my brother: he ain’t dropping sheeet.

Fast forward a few days. I thought he somehow forgot about it because he hadn’t even hinted at my punishment. He just acted normal (well, for him, anyways), and eventually, I completely forgot about it as my writing and Patreon / Subscribestar.adult projects began to take over most of my attention.

Until my baby squirrel snitched on me.

See, I bought some edible panties for… research… and she told my brother for some reason, and to make a long story short, he decided to make my punishment to eat the entire pair. Now, I don’t know if you’ve ever eaten edible panties, but those motherfuckers taste nasty. They’re also expensive, at about $16 a pair. 😭

The lessons I learned from this?

Never bet my big brother any goddamn thing.

Squirrels be snitching, yo.

From now on, buy edible panties that taste good. 😂

#amwriting #amediting #authorlife #authorconfession #authorshare #indieauthor #authorproblems #amliving #author

[alexanicholsauthor]

So I had a heart attack…

I didn’t release a newsletter last month. I didn’t even program book advertisements. I did very little social media in general. My month did not end as planned, as I was going full tilt and raring to get so much creative work slung out there, but… well, my breathing started becoming difficult. It had been an issue lately, but I kept chalking it up to general sickness and tried to shrug it off. Unfortunately, however, the coughing wouldn’t stop.

And it wasn’t just the coughing. I started finding myself out of breath over nothing, especially when I tried to work out. In fact, it got so bad my workouts stopped altogether. I thought I was coming down with some kind of weird debilitating sickness, so I figured I’d just wait it out. My hypothesis started to fall apart when the night chills began hitting.

To make a long eye-rolling story short, I found myself in the hospital ICU, everyone around me freaking out, a heart attack on my resume. I had been unconscious for days and was rocking a fabulous new accessory: a catheter. Love them. Not at all.

When I was finally lucid enough to have a conversation, I was informed of a litany of maladies that the doctors seemed stunned, almost impressed by. The thing that stole the show (and scared me the most) was COPD, which runs in my family. A litany of things were wrong with me, and all of them had something to do with my lungs and heart. The more I listened, the more my spirits fell. I mean… damn. How do you take something like that, one after the other, without breaking down? Anyone who knows me knows I’m an emotional, passionate, dramatic little motherfucker, and something like that… damn.

Not all of it is bad, however. I did get seen relatively early, hopefully early enough to ensure I have a long(ish) life. I was unconscious for nearly a week, so I couldn’t walk when I regained lucidness. I pushed myself and eventually passed two different physical therapy classes; I returned my oxygen level to normal (I was told it was horrendous), same with blood pressure, and, well, I think I can best sum everything up by copying & pasting a note I sent someone close to me:

So… apparently, I have congestive heart failure. And as far as how I’m doing in general… to be honest, not good.

Since I don’t have insurance, I felt the hospital did the bare minimum and kind of kicked me out of there, taking care of the symptoms but not the disease. They basically told me to talk to my primary care physician after stabilizing me and gave me a list of medications, mostly diuretics. I went to Walmart and paid $20 for three of them (Carvedilol, Furosemide, and Spironolactone), which I thought was easily doable, but then they hit me with one medication called Rifaximin that cost over $3,000! I said fuck that medication and any medication that looks like it and just paid for the rest.

I was discharged Monday (the day after they took out my catheter), and other than losing about 25 pounds, my energy level is abysmal. I ran errands with Baby Squirrel downtown yesterday, and THAT WAS A MISTAKE. I was stumbling around and almost fell over on the train tracks once, and today, when I woke up, I must have caught something from someone out there because I started shaking and feeling like I was bathing in ice. I slept nearly the entire day, and now I feel more or less normal. Whatever Satanic shit that sickness was hit hard, but fortunately, it went away just as quickly.

Now, if I can get my energy level back to normal instead of writing in short bursts, I’d be golden.

I might be down, but I swear to motherfucking god that I’m not out. Not by a long shot. I’m not done fighting. I’ve only gotten started…

💪 🥰

#amwriting #amediting #authorlife #authorconfession #authorshare #indieauthor #authorproblems #author #amliving #life

[alexanicholsauthor]

One of the weirdest days ever…

My life is usually boring. I write, do my caregiver duties, and then fall back on some magazines, novels, manga, anime, movies, video games, or YouTube surfing. You know, the usual. I mostly stay inside these days (I’m basically one slap away from being a full-on hikikomori), as there isn’t much out there that’s interesting enough to make me venture out of my little safety bubble. Especially with all these shootings and crap going on.

Sometimes, however, I have to leave my bubble, so my Baby Squirrel and I hiss at the daylight and shakily make our way to wherever we have to go, quickly finish our business, then scuttle back to our lair as fast as our little furry feet can take us. Usually. Then there are some days that are so bizarre that they kind of make you glad you left the house for a change. Like the other day, when it seemed like there was so much weirdness building up and waiting to be released the second we left our bubble.

Our mission was simple: drop some packages off at the post office. Simple, right? Well…

There is a DART train we usually get on to go to Downtown Dallas that pretty much takes us straight to the post office, and it’s fairly close to where my baby squirrel lives. We began boarding the train, talking about what game we would play when we returned, when we stopped dead in our tracks as we saw a woman ¾ naked and peeing enthusiastically. In the train. She was on the other end of the boarding area about five feet away, so we could still board, but that didn’t stop her from peeing and stumbling about while she did so. The other passengers seemed to be ignoring her, though for the life of me, I have no idea how.

Several stops later some police officers came on the train and escorted her out, but not before she (for some reason) came wobbling towards me with wide eyes and a frightened look like I was going to save her or something. I wasn’t; I didn’t. The train reeked the entire rest of the way, which was a good half hour…

:shudder:

The only other interesting thing that happened on the train was this woman walking past me wearing a bandana that covered her entire head. Like, you couldn’t even see any of her forehead, face, or anything. It was all covered. I mean, I’m all for masking up in close proximity or around people of dubious hygiene and such – or if you have any sort of communicable disease – but the entire head? That was a first. I don’t even know how she could see through that motherfucker!

It only gets weirder, y’all…

So we finally got to the post office, right? Literally the first thing we hear is this old man arguing with the receptionist about taking his package, yelling at the top of his lungs that just because he has COVID doesn’t mean he can’t mail things out. He was completely unmasked, mind you, and the receptionist seemed about three seconds away from decking him.

The only words I really heard at first was that he had COVID, so I immediately took my baby squirrel and got far away from him. She, as a cancer survivor who isn’t entirely in the clear yet, does not need her compromised immune system exposed to someone walking around with COVID – especially someone with no mask on. So we waited, and I barely blinked as I watched this dude, but finally he took his package and left the building, obviously disgusted.

Some people just… I don’t know. The way they think just baffles me…

Anyway, fast forward through a myriad of tiny events to the end of the day, and just when I thought things couldn’t get any stranger, we decided to call it a night and go to bed. As we often do before sleeping, we turned on TikTok to entertain ourselves.

It was all fairly normal until we decided to watch one more video and then call it a night.

That video? You’re going to think I’m lying, but I’m honestly not: it was of a real-life pigeon body slamming a real-life kitten and then repeatedly wing-slapping it. All we could do was look at each other and nearly die from laughing.

It was the perfect punctuation for our bizarre day…

#amwriting #amediting #authorlife #indieauthor #authorproblems #author #amliving #authorshare #authorconfession