agardenandlibrary

[agardenandlibrary]

Outside the irises might be just poking up, but here's one always in bloom!

[agardenandlibrary]

Another pic I did for a grocery donation! A great-eared Nightjar. :}

[agardenandlibrary]

A woman enters an ancient medieval church that is carved into solid rock in Lalibela, Ethiopia. Lalibela is famous for their monolithic rock-cut churches. The churches themselves date from the seventh to thirteenth centuries, and were declared a UNESCO World Heritage Site in 1978. Steve McCurry.

[agardenandlibrary]

Welcome to Star Trek Tuesday. Star Trek quilts woven with love and passion brings warmth to our homes and reminds us that even in the vastness of space, the bonds we share are what truly matter.

[agardenandlibrary]

Listen my Whole Thing about Ekaterin is deep and loving and I don't want to disagree with anyone that she saved herself

She absolutely did!

But I think acting as if she did it all alone in a vacuum is doing a disservice to people (especially but not exclusively afabs) who are stuck in abusive relationships.

So like. Ekaterin absolutely saved herself. But she didn't do it BY herself. If that makes sense.

#we've had a very good chat in the discord about this #it's mostly someone saying something and the others going 'right!'

[agardenandlibrary]

Weekend mornings / weekend evenings.

[agardenandlibrary]

This is gonna sound rather conceited but I feel like it highlights an issue we have in Art.

I'm good at art. I've never had a hard time making art. I started using crayons before I could walk. Painting, Beadwork, sculpture, sketching, stippling, whatever- once I have a feel for the material, it doesn't take long to start doing what I want with it. It's been a common theme my whole life.

(Y contrast I'm awful at things like dancing, performance, sports, etc- in all things there is balance, right?)

Now, I've taught myself to use so many artistic mediums now that I KNOW how to most efficiently integrate them into the brain database. Once you really *understand* a material, it's much like memorizing the layout of your house, or flexing a muscle, or something in-between- it becomes PART of your brain in a way I cant quite articulate. But to get there involves just fucking around for a bit doing nothing in particular.

And I've found, especially in group settings, that nobody seems to be able to see you make something badly and leave you alone. Even if you say you're fine, you don't want help, you're happy, you're having fun, it's fine, they gotta ride your ass and hover.

I was at a class the other day for something I hadn't done before. The medium was one I've never used, so once the instructor told us the basics I started experimenting with weight, gravity, texture, viscosity, saturation, temperature, etc. The instructor had given enough info to know what was dangerous and what was safe, and beyond that I just wanted to absorb what I could about it.

And no insult to the instructor, but they kept checking in. Which was fine the first few times.

But then, without asking me what I was trying to do, started giving tips. That I told them I was grateful for but didn't really need just yet. If I had a question, I'd ask.

But they kept coming over. And touching my shit. And manipulating my project. And touching my hands. And using my tools. Without fucking asking.

And this happens every time. EVERY TIME. And by now I know the best way to get them to fuck off is to make something way beyond their expectations so they know I'm capable, then go back to doing what I want.

So I did. I wanted to keep having fun and learning, but instead I made something beautiful that I really didn't want to make, and wasted my time, and really didn't learn what I wanted to learn at all. I knew the formula to create a beautiful thing, so I followed that formula the same way I have a hundred times before, and didn't get to try anything spontaneous or ugly or exciting, just so I could be left alone.

And I know when I was a kid, I was aware aware people saw me puttering alone on something ugly assumed I had a special issue and treated me like I was stupid because of that. (I was neurodivergent.) And at at time I knew that I could do a neat trick for them like a trained pony and they'd go, "Oh, surely they aren't defective if they can do something like that!" And piss off.

But what if I hadn't known how to do that?

What if I hadn't been talented, or "special"?

What if I'd been just any other average kid trying to learn, and I couldn't pop something pretty out of my ass to get them off my back?

My problem my whole life has been that I haven't been allowed to make anything ugly in peace. I'm capable of beauty, so I have to make beauty, or get stepped on. And once people see what I can do, they get loud about it. "Look at this! Look what they did! We all know who the best is, don't we?". And that used to feel good, but it's tiring.

And how many people like me just wanted to play? Just wanted to have fun and experiment? Who were having fun with no goal in mind, or just took longer to learn, who gave up because of all the obnoxious helpers breathing down their neck with no way to shake them off?

How many of us are made to feel defective because we aren't doing things beautifully?

I have a lovely piece of art I didn't want to make.

I think I'm gonna frame it.*

(*I think I'm gonna burn it in my yard.)

[agardenandlibrary]

Immediately jumping in and reading the next book is always fun, but do not underestimate the joy of rotating the possibilities for what comes next for a while!!

#cara reads the Vorkosigan Saga #for the record i have finished it and it was very good 👍

[agardenandlibrary]

Cordelia, rearranging furniture: and the couch goes to the attic, thank you.

Aral: do we need to keep the couch?

Cordelia: yes, dear.

#cara reads the Vorkosigan Saga

[agardenandlibrary]

Mark, Enrique, Kareen's plot in A Civil Campaign:

#cara reads the vorkosigan saga

[agardenandlibrary]

Watching all these pieces line up... 👀

#cara reads the vorkosigan saga #a civil campaign

[agardenandlibrary]

Well, Miles, if you didn't want Ekaterin to find out you wanted to marry her, maybe you shouldn't have told literally everyone you ran into what your plan was.

#cara reads the Vorkosigan Saga #a civil campaign

[agardenandlibrary]

Miles, about to make a decision that will inadvertently get them involved in incredibly complicated and dangerous shenanigans: we have fun, don't we, Ivan?

Ivan, just wanted to have a cushy military career and bang a lot of women: I'm having the worst day of my life

#cara reads the Vorkosigan Saga

[agardenandlibrary]

Miles, stepping into the Barrayaran embassy: ah, the sweet smell of stale paranoia. It's good to be home.

#cara reads the Vorkosigan Saga

[agardenandlibrary]

I just read the cover for A Civil Campaign and I gotta say. Hearing that both Miles AND Mark have "a cunning plan" to get the women in their lives to marry them. Fills me with foreboding

#cara reads the Vorkosigan Saga #a civil campaign

[agardenandlibrary]

Reblogging with @southern-continent-skies tags because while this is a joke post, you are very correct and I LOVE Ekaterin and how she digs herself out, even though it's hard, and she's going against everything she's been raised to believe, and the sequence where she tells Tien that she's leaving him was terrifying, because I was so scared she was going to be talked into staying and she'd just... disappear. (Become so small that there was nothing left of her)

Ekaterin, to herself: is it stalking if it's your husband?

Me: girl, GET OUT. SOMEONE GET CORDELIA. CORDELIA, HELP

#cara reads the Vorkosigan Saga

[agardenandlibrary]

turkish spindle gang make some noise (imagine having to wind your singles off your spindle before you can start plying, couldn't be us)