abhoemally

[abhoemally]

WHY IS MY TUMBLR FEED FILLED WITH VANILLA EXTRACT HUH???

[abhoemally]

can sex bots please stop following me

[abhoemally]

I’m never enough and too much at the same time.

[abhoemally]

sometimes i regret visiting an online friend.

sometimes i wonder if i still would be like this if we’ve never met one another.

sometimes i wonder if it was best to keep our flirting online - from a distance. sometimes i wish i never got to feel his touch, to taste his kiss.

it was still one of the best weeks i’ve had so far but sometimes i just wonder. just sometimes.

[abhoemally]

i’m tired of crying. i’m tired of the person i’ve become. i’m tired of caring so much. of overthinking. i’m tired of being hurt by my thoughts. i’m so, so tired.

[abhoemally]

i just want to be the old me again. the old me who didn’t care as much as the new me does. the old me who couldn’t be bothered to read subtexts, to overthink, to overanalyse.

i wish to be the old man whose mood for the day didn’t depend on a single person’s or multiple people’s slight change in tone in their text messages.

i wish to be the old me who didn’t feel extreme loneliness being alone.

i wish to be the old me who spent more time laughing than crying like the new me does.

i miss the old me.

[abhoemally]

i feel so unwanted

#fuck feelings

[abhoemally]

hi again.

i’d like to confess i don’t know how to handle my feelings. 

i’m still learning how to recognise a lot of my feelings - especially romantic ones. 

since my last post, i came to terms with the feelings i had for a friend and to be honest, when re-reading it, i actually forgot who i was talking about haha. i forgot the feelings i had for him and i desired our friendship more than i desired to have a romantic relationship with him. 

some months ago i developed feelings for a guy i met while playing a game. our first call was... homely. we instantly clicked. now, as i’ve been told, i’m very quick to become friends with strangers - quite the talkative fella i am. but this guy... oh boy. it was like we’ve been friends for years. and well, long story short we started dating - it was both our first ldr and yeah, didn’t work out. the end of our relationship was the end of our friendship as well. the least i can say is, i was heartbroken. for a while. but i healed! i’m here and i’m healed. 

rewind to now. again, i caught feelings for an online friend. the difference here is: i actually visited him! went to city for a week! by god, it was the best week i’ve ever had. we were definitely a couple without a title yk? lots of kisses, lots of cuddles, lots of handholding. when i came back to my place however... ldr sucks okay. we both thought it was best for the other if we found someone closer to us. so just friends we are. i can’t lie; i’m a very physically affectionate person but that doesn’t matter at the moment if i’m not with him. sure, i can find someone else to be couple-like with but that doesn’t mean anything to me. for him, if there even the slimmest of chances of an ldr working then i’ll take it. i’ll put in extra work and effort for us to work. he’s worth all of that and some more.

he’s worth the wait for me...

i’m afraid he’s losing interest in me. heartbreaks are tough and i’m afraid to face another one. 

it’s a selfish thought of mine but i wish he’d stay. even just as a friend. 

i like him quite a lot - and i feel like he’s the right person for me. i fear i may not be his. 

i guess that’s okay though. i’ve been through a breakup before, i can do it again. 

i hope. 

#overthinking #im overthinking again #i feel like my overthinking is detrimental to my relationships #but i just can't help it #i'm still young #i have a lot to learn and experience

[abhoemally]

i think i’m crushing on my friend who, and i say this with 100% certainty, likes me only as a friend. which is cool, but yk 🤪 and i am not about to make our friendship awkward by confessing oh hell nah

#did i mention that he’s my first crush in the 19 years that ive unfortunately lived? #am i having a cwushie wushie 🥺 #crush tag #fuck feelings

[abhoemally]

i love doing my hw - gonna start calling it mathsturbating instead of studying

#my mind wouldnt let me stop thinking abt this so am posting this now pls i need sleep its 2:38 am #shitpost #i guess? #shitpost or shit post #actually no its both #definitely

[abhoemally]

i have decided to make nanami kento my comfort character simply bc:

he’s 1/8 danish and i’m danish

#oh dude the way i drool everytime he speaks #certified dilf #his maternal grandfather being danish is by far the most random fact to give to ur character #is gege like 1/8 danish what is this #like why his maternal grandfather #why danish #anyways #thanks gege #appreciate it bro #*chest bumps* #nanami kento #jujutsu kaisen

[abhoemally]

ah on the other side i think i’m overthinking again…… c’mon brain stop overanalysing subtexts that most likely doesn’t even exist

[abhoemally]

oh yeah am i grateful for my friends… hyper independence is fr making my mind a mess 🤩

[abhoemally]

imagine overthinking and guilt-tripping i could never… ha…

[abhoemally]

anyways i finished watching demon slayer some time ago and can we agree that zenitsu?

#best boy #i take no criticism #demon slayer #kimetsu no yaiba #zenitsu agatsuma

[abhoemally]

the only thing that makes me feel relaxed is sleeping. but i don’t exactly think that i should be sleeping as much as i do now like, as SOON as i return home from classes i sleep. and i just sleep my day away. but i can’t keep doind it. i’m literally sleeping the remainder of my youth away. i need to be active but if i don’t feel the joy and satisfaction like i usually do what’s the point? i’m rambling aren’t i

[abhoemally]

i tried everything to calm myself down. drawing, painting, listening to music, reading, rewatching my favourite shows, videos etc etc, playing dbd and val, sewing and embroidering, making tiny clay sculptures, cooking and baking, taking a fucking walk, running and bicycling around town and in the nearest park, bought new clothes, cleaned my room, cleaned my shoes, reorganised my closet fuck i even drank myself piss off drunk YESTERDAY on a school day where i had 8 am classes the next to try and forget this shitty version of myself and hopefully return back to my normal state. i don’t know anymore. nothing i enjoyed doing before helped me clear my mind. i actuallt think i’ve worsened it? how ironic haha. i tried to cheer myself up by doing the things i enjoyed but i just kept finding out they don’t bring me any joy in this state which just made me… more sad? maybe i’m just frustrated?