0fbalance

[0fbalance]

We both got enough ego to believe we can save everyone. We set ourselves up in an impossible role.

#(;;fc)

[0fbalance]

the toxic nihilism to positive nihilism pipeline. that's it. that's kerri's lore lmAO.

#everything is bad a nothing matters >:( #to things are bad right now and nothing matters but im going to do my best and help who i can because of that :)

[0fbalance]

star wars: kotor   ∕   sentence starters dialogue taken from the 2003 rpg, star wars: knights of the old republic.

i had to see for myself if it was true.

all this time, and you still haven’t figured it out?

no one deserves execution, no matter what their crimes.

what greater weapon is there than to turn an enemy to your cause?

i’m beginning to wonder if you’re capable of trusting anybody.

in the end, you’ve lost something as well.

you are all of these things, ___,  and  yet you are nothing.

tyrants and heroes rise and fall, and historians sort out the pieces.

you can try to kill me. you’ll fail, but you can try.

now do you understand the travails of my existence?

shall we find something to kill to cheer ourselves up?

love itself with save you, not condemn you.

nothing could make me feel safer than to be loved by you.

could i have returned to the light, as you did?

in the end, as the darkness takes me, i am nothing.

i alone must accept responsibility for my fate.

it takes effort to be properly irreverent at my age.

don’t start thinking this war, your war, is more important than any other war just because you’re in it.

are you saying what we’re doing isn’t important?

you think i’m some kind of monster, don’t you?

i’m allowed to be enigmatic when i want to be.

i wonder when people will stop underestimating me?

driving me insane is your idea of a good time?

any failure to get the results i want is due to a lack of power on my part.

can i break his neck now? it’s been a long-time fantasy of mine

i see you intend to be childish about this.

complain all you want, but i know you love it

once we pass beyond this door, we can never go back.

sometimes anger and hatred are deserved and right.

the foolish delusions of a child. but this child made it happen!

you cannot hide from what you once were.

i’m someone you don’t want to get on the bad side of.

okay, you’ve made your point. now shut up and kiss me.

i could’ve stopped him. i could have stopped it all.

someday, you’ll have to make a choice, and there won’t be any going back.

you’re just a travelling piece of bad luck, aren’t you?

you are very harsh. i like you.

i know this may sound strange, but only my compassion stands in my way now.

i am content with the impression i give.

the apprentice has learned his final lesson

and so it ends. as i somehow knew it must… in darkness.

#;meme

[0fbalance]

forever feral over the vibes of one of the Kestrel era songs I have in his tag just..

' Fuck them altars and headstones Who they think all them flowers for? '

' ...So who body make up for all the wrongs done to bodies? They keep singin' they songs while your body rot Well, fuck it, come on, they gotta pay... '

' ...Kiss the fear and simply savor, lick it up, that tastes like wishes made by twisted prayers.... ' Like obviously less about himself literally dying and more about the bitterness of the fallen gray jedi, the general cynicism and the "none of it matters but I'm still so angry" mentality he was steeped in in this era of his life.  

#its him struggling with the gray jedi concept of balance and just going #fuck that i want the bad people to pay now i dont want to wait #for the force and the universe to sort it out #and it's about him losing himself in this pit of anger etc aaaa #anyway vanishes for another year and a half lmAO #(;;headcanon: the kestrel)

[0fbalance]

Be the reason why people still believe in good hearts, good vibes, and kind souls

#(;;musings)

[0fbalance]

#i wish i was as happy as cameron is every time i do something stupid

#(;;musings)

[0fbalance]

It read like advice he’d offered up himself several times over in varying situations. So why did it sound so foreign to him? Like it was a concept he’d hardly thought to consider? It made SENSE. Kerian was of a Jedi variety, yes, but he’d spent a great deal of his life walking the path of a bounty hunter as well. His mind was as attuned to thinking in tactical jargon as it was to think in the ways of his Force-sensitive clan members.

Splitting a long battle up instead of facing it head on in a continuous push just made sense to him-—at least on paper, so to speak. Executing it would be a whole other story. ❝ You’re right. ❞ a nod, a sigh following.  ❝ One can’t help but feel right antsy though. Want to get it all figured out and over with. But you’re right. There’s no use playing the long game without resting where one can. ❞

Kerian scratches at his chin. He’s much to reflect on but for now he’s grateful for the second perspective.  ❝ Aye, what brings you out here? If we’re on the same job, best to figure that out now to save some trouble down the line. ❞

IS HE MORE BOUNTY HUNTER OR MORE MANDALORIAN? One might wonder while looking and listening to Brynn Hast. And while there is no right answer, one might be inclined to lean toward the latter. He’s strong, yes, but not ruthless. He’s careful but compassionate. He works for money but he also works for his heart, only agreeing to ethical jobs. Even moreso setting him apart from other bounty hunters is his willingness to help others, no matter low little he knows about them. 

“A battle of self,” he echoes with a thoughtful hum. “That is the most difficult battle of all.” There’s a lapse of silence as Brynn just listens and wonders… Should he speak more or should he speak less? Should he stay or should he go? He reads Kerian’s latter comment as an invitation and lingers, half sitting in the seat across from them. “A battle of self is never won in one go. Take a break. Rest. Or don’t. Keep yourself busy. Keep your mind occupied. Either way, I’d suggest giving your battle of self a break for a little while.”

#(;;ic) #bountyborn

[0fbalance]

hopexncarnate​:

“ Let go ? “ He repeats. “ I – I can’t . It might be different for you , but when the Force calls I have to answer . I might be the last one who can . It’s my responsibility . But I can’t abandon my friends either . “

“ It’s a lot , I know . You speak of balance but - if not in the Force , how am I supposed to find it ? “

❝ I can’t find it for you. It’s our own to find within ourselves. ❞ he shrugs. It seems unhelpful but perhaps that was just another one of the reasons he had never become a teacher.  ❝ Nothing is ever a straight line-—even if the destination is the same. The Force calls you but this does not mean you cannot still forge your own path there, go at your own pace. Our code states there is freedom in life and purpose in death. It is our responsibility to ensure both in the world around us and within ourselves. ❞

There’s a want to help but Kerian knows he can really only offer other perspectives. There’s no solution to this he can magically hand over.  ❝ Don’t fight your calling but try and look around. Smell the flowers. See if there are any smaller hills you can traverse over instead of trying to tackle one giant mountain all at once. ❞

#(;;ic) #hopexncarnate

[0fbalance]

Isaiah has been to hell and back. If I was in his shoes, I’d feel the exact same way.

#(;;musing)

[0fbalance]

hopexncarnate​:

“ Moral support it is then . ” Luke responds cheerfully, seemingly undeterred by his dismissive attitude. “ I won’t push it if you want to be left alone , but I’ve found a simple chat can do wonders for problem solving even of the personal kind . Who knows ? I might even understand it . ”

The immediate reaction is a pull to try and wiggle out of the offer. Receiving support could be harder than giving it at times. The gray clucks his tongue, ducks his head, and finally sighs. 

❝ Aye. A chat I can do. ❞ he pauses to collect his thoughts. Where to start?  ❝ It’s a tree of problems. Many root systems, a lot of branches-—but I suppose the main trunk of the matter is I’m tired and I am...unsure. ❞

He glances for his hands as if he’d find the answers there in the worn skin and scars of battles past fought.  ❝ We’re taught of balance. We’re warned against blindly following one path without discretion and that can be...tiring. It can be tiring and yet we can still end up wrong even after all that energy spent, all that caution. I suppose I’m grappling with doubt over a path I believe to be right but-—being wrong could mean harm brought to more than just myself. It has caused me a great deal of pause and I fear the end to that pause is nowhere near in sight. ❞

#(;;ic) #hopexncarnate

[0fbalance]

#(;;self)

[0fbalance]

@bountyborn​ asked:  “  whatever it is you’re struggling with,  i want to help and it’s not going to make me look at you any different.  ”

It was not often one was extended such an offer from a stranger-—let alone in this sort of business. It’s enough to shake him a bit, enough to have him sit back and reflect on just WHY it startled him so much to receive an offer he extended so readily himself. He comes to the realization his pause is veering into uncomfortable territory and he clears his throat to fill the silence with something while his brain still scrambles for a reply he deems adequate because he understands the importance and the sincerity behind such a gesture and he wants to match it.

It’s a gentle smile that the bounty hunter offers, shakes his head gently. ❝ Aye, I’m afraid it’s not much of anything an outside source can help with. A battle of self, if you will. ‘Spose the reassurance is mighty appreciated though. Healing is easier done in a welcoming environment after all. ❞

#(;;ic) #(;;Ask) #bountyborn

[0fbalance]

clan vc: ok bestie you’ve had your soul searching time like no rush but like you should come back and like take on a young gray and like actually train the next generation of gray jedi pls you are literally at knight status please just take on a student

keri vc: i can’t im being a material gworl rn

#(;;shitpost) #okokok im here let me clear askbox and ill be on dash lmaooo

[0fbalance]

simulamortem​:

Skinbag was QUICK, Revenant would give him that. The stranger disappeared so fast perhaps it was more computer than human mind that was able to track his dropping, and in almost the same instant, Revenant made a swift hop, raising his knees high to save his legs from attack. He was very used to opponents targeting the joints of his knees.

When he came back down, it was in a crouch, his hand shooting for the skinbag’s ankle, intending to YANK HIM CLOSER across the floor and again attempt to spear his opposite hand down into his opponent’s chest. Normally he might play with his food. Grab for the skinsuit’s throat and watch him SUFFER for his interruption - but Revenant knew better. He had seen the glint of blades being drawn.

In this case, he didn’t want to give his adversary that much of an opening, and more than that, he wanted to get this over with and get back to what he had been doing, knowing the bartender was already making the most of this distraction to BOOK IT for the nearest exit.

At this point, a good portion of the establishment had either cleared out or cleared to the other end of the room. The bar now vacated, the general area was now their unfortunate playground. Kerian wanted this over quickly. Fighting could be a lot like DANCING; even in life or death scenarios it could be enjoyable. But this? This just felt like going in with the intent of putting down a rabid animal.

The thing was QUICK. He’d fought droids before but this was different in a way and it was as different as he remembered it being all those years ago. Revenant had the tactile abilities of a droid but the absolute drive of a monstrous human being. His ankle caught, there was nothing for the bounty hunter to do besides extend and twist the caught leg to slip from the grasp and offer up another well-placed quick to secure his chance at rolling out of the close proximity.

For all the trouble this was going to be, Kerian could at least find some satisfaction as a spiteful bounty hunter in knowing the bastard’s mark had likely already booked it long beyond the bar at this point.

How had he done it last time? He grit his teeth as he searched for the memory. Was it the head? Maybe-—that was always a good bet either way with shutting machinery down, especially machinery that was meant to mimic something humanoid. Take the head and, ideally, the body should follow.

#(;;ic) #simulamortem

[0fbalance]

“Overnight” was Daft Punk’s final production credit. What a beautiful note to close on.

#(;;music)

[0fbalance]

@hopexncarnate​ asked:  " Whatever it is you're struggling with, I want to help. "

❝ Real sweet of you, lad. ❞ and the BUT hangs in the air before he even  utters it.  ❝ But the most you can do here is be moral support. Solving a problem of self is up to, well, me. ❞

#(;;ask) #(;;ic) #hopexncarnate

[0fbalance]

hopexncarnate​:

“ It’s nice of you to care , Kerian . And I understand what you’re saying , but I’ll be fine . ” There’s a soft smile on his face as he tries to dismiss his concern.

“ It’s not ideal - I know . I am tired . But I can’t just not help where I can . Wouldn’t you do the same ? ”

❝ Fine until you’re...not. ❞ the question turned on him now, he does have to truly take a moment to reflect.  ❝ I think it’d be hard. I’d fight it-—I have fought it but...you have to learn to let go, you have to learn to balance things out. ❞

#hopexncarnate #(;;ic)